Rude Family Comments

This is why I dont' have facebook. I have no idea what people say about me behind my back on this very public forum, and I don't care.
Leave her to her own devices. If she asks you for a recommendation give her a phonebook.

Let the Facebook stuff slide. Just ignore what she has to say, block her comments if they get to you and just friendly chat with her when the time arises. Don't let it build up and get the best of you. Also, online comments may sometimes seem sarcastic when they weren't meant to be.

Some people love giving snide remarks.. but they looove getting them back too, so don't indulge her. If she does it in person, just nicely say right there, "it seems you are being a little short with me, I would like to know if there is a reason, or if I am just reading into what you are saying too much."

As for the haircut, try not to take things so seriously, it wasn't your fault she didn't like your stylist, so no need to feel bad. She probably doesn't know how to style very short hair, and as a stylist myself, many women who get short cuts hate them for the first few weeks, simply b/c they are mourning their old hair and don't have the confidence to pull it off until they feel comfortable with it.

She sounds a bit dramatic. I would guess she is either being silly or trying to score points with the cheese comment, but either way does it really matter? Pick your battles.

Personally I would just avoid commenting on or looking at her facebook page.

If she says something in person that really bothers then you could address it when it happens. Hopefully things will die down.

I'm sorry that you are going through this childishness with your relative. I had a few relatives like that; I guess I'm different from most...I confront them. Not harshly but more of a professional nature to let them know that I understand that we may not see eye to eye on some things and may not like the same places, food, etc. however there is not a need to degrade my taste or anything that I do. From now on find their own way, do their own research on a place or product because I will no longer provide any further feedback for them. If they don't like it so be it; I let them know in the future be more honest and forthcoming otherwise a relationship will not last if there is a lack of trust and communication.

I feel that if you let people get away with rudeness it will continue but at least they know its not going to work on you any more. Respect is a two way street and both must meet in the middle. If she proceeds to further talk badly about you that is her childish nature and at least you know that you cleared your mind about it. Don't let it stress you out; some people never learn and others never change. All you can do is follow your first mind or instinct in what to do in regards to this situation. No one can tell you what to do because in your heart and mind I'm sure you already know the answer and how to deal with situation. Whatever way you choose to go it will be what is best for you. Good luck; you'll do great. Once again I'm sorry you are going through this.

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If it were me, I'd "un-friend" her on FB, and just forget about her. Who needs that kind of irritation?

Sometimes it is too bad that you can't pick your family. Sorry that they are giving you a hard time. I suspect that they are so used to interacting in a caustic and confrontational way that they don't realize the impression that they are making on people who don't choose to hang out with what I call "The Sourpuss Girls" (those women who do nothing but complain). You can try confronting them about it but I'm not sure if they will get it . . . and sometimes women like this can get really mean and nasty in a passive-aggressive sort of way when they are called out on the carpet for their not so nice behavior. What I have learned to do instead is just try to see the humor in what they are doing and how they are behaving and dismiss all of the b.s. and drama that they bring with them wherever they go. Best to keep your distance and hang out with people who know how to play well with others.

Hope this helps.

Let it go. She is immature. For you to bring it up will not bring change within her, it will piss her off. Don't respond to her on facebook anymore. Wait till she contacts you- give her some space. Maybe she will realize how childish she has been acting and apologize to you. Good luck!

M

Let it go. I get that a lot of little rude comments can really get to you,but just let it go! She sounds like a pessimistic person. Chances are, she's always been like that you just didn't realize it until she lived closer. It's not your fault that she didn't like your hair dresser. You shouldn't take that one personally. As far as the cheese, well, it's cheese. Her comment was snarky, but it's just a comment. Just respond back and say "I'd love to bring some Provel Cheese to dinner next time! When are we getting together?" People can only bother/annoy you as much as you let them.

Quit reading her Facebook comments.
Some of my relatives, all very nice people by the way, talked me in to getting a facebook account telling me that it's fun and a great way to keep in touch. I never go on Facebook and prefer to just e-mail the old fashioned way.

I am somewhat befuddled by all the arguments and rifts that are generated by someone saying this or that on Facebook. Facebook fights just seem so juvenille to me. (No offense....not calling anyone in particular juvenille).
If I were you, and I'm not, I wouldn't read your cousin's comments or updates and I wouldn't respond to them either. Just remove yourself from that part of the equation.
That's what I would do.

Best wishes.

Are you sure she is meaning them to be rude towards you? It's very possible you are seeing nastiness where there is none. My sister in law does this to me all the time. I'll say something that has nothing to do with her personally that she precieved as being rude or nasty to her and she flies off the handle. I would just flat out ask.

Does she have kids? I know till I had kids I had NO IDEA what a tornado they leave. I use to think my sister was disgusting when I had to sit in her backseat. Toys EVERYWHERE! I always thought this is gross I should clean it for her. Then I look at my back seat now after three. I think mine looks worse and I clean it once a week!! No kids, you just don't understand it. Didn't you ever enter into anyone's house when they had kids and had a bad day? Didn't you think they had a bad day at the very least.

Maybe I'm strange but I don't see alot of that as rude. She got a bad hair cut. It happens. She's very upset about it. Normal reaction. She's a bit annoyed with you for recommending her. Kinda comes with the territory. She's making it work for her. Maybe it took hours who knows. Regardless she let it go. She's allowed her moments of disappointment. We are girls... we are all a little vein. Just the way it is. If she got over it then great. You learned the age old thing... DON'T recommend anyone. lol.

Now I'm not sure about the comment about ravioli. Maybe she feels it is difficult to make and you aren't skilled enough to make them, maybe she thinks your chubby, maybe she's saying she thinks you are full of it and don't. Maybe she oh gosh who knows what. You can't convey tone or even meaning on the internet. So who knows about that one? Maybe it's nothing. Who knows?

The internet is a sucky thing. I've had it happen to me. Misunderstandings because you can't convey tone, body language, and all that stuff essential for good communication.

If you are using this stuff as evidence she doesn't like you or respect you based upon attitude in real life I think you are looking everywhere to justify your point. Hey maybe this is proof. I don 't know her or you. Or maybe you aren't sure about her and reading WAY to much into things. It's impossible to tell. Like right now I'm indifferent, I have no real emotion. I'm not icy or anything towards this post. But you might not interpret it that way. See what I mean.

Not to mention some people are just a little aggressive and grumpy. That is just how they are. I wouldn't jump to conclusions on those insignificant things. But that is just my opinion.

If you don't want the drama of "unfriending" her in FB (which, it sounds like, would be big drama), just click the Hide option to hide her comments.

What you could do, next time she makes a little rude comment, is say something, "I know you probably meant that as a joke, but I don't really appreciate you saying X." Or call her on it. For example, if she'd made the comment about the cheese, you could call her on it, exactly as you wrote: "Cousin, I'm not sure if you're joking or not, but you can buy Provel cheese at X Deli & Cheese Shop."

Unfortunately, FB is not a good place to call someone on stuff like this, unless it's pretty straightforward that they are acting like a loon. Because, it basically turns everything from an issue with her making comments about you or to you, to her making comments in front of a group of people about you or to you... And do you really want to reward her snarkiness/nastiness by giving her attention in front of her friends? That would just reward her bad behavior.

Just because she's your cousin, doesn't mean that you have to try to incorporate her into your life in anything other than a "courtesy" way. If she's disrespectful, take the high road, and say nothing or say something courteous, and distance yourself from this negativity. Family does not = good people, unfortunately.