Rubbing Back Until 2 Year Old Falls Asleep... Help!!

Your daughter will need an extensive bigger-girl bedtime routine now that she is two - going on three R.. Why?

Toddlers and children need their brain activity to slow down in order to calm down their bodies for a good night's sleep (tummy rubbing is actually stimulating which is why you are so frustrated).

Getting her a regular bed so that bedtime can take place IN her bed instead of "going to bed" will be a good first start.

Pick out CHAPTER books that are calm but interesting: Charlotte's Web, Winnie the Pooh, Francis, Little Bear... Tuck her into bed ("the story won't start until you are tucked in...") and sit by her bed OR IN IT WITH HER and read aloud, slowly and softly.

Show her the pictures if you want to but don't let her touch the book - this is story time and she is able to create the pictures in her head.

She will most likely fall asleep before you are done reading for the night, of course. So pay attention to her while you read so that you remember where you left off.

Once she starts getting into the story, she will RUN to bed looking forward to finding out what happened at Little Bear's birthday party, or whether or not Winnie the Pooh found the North Pole.

Then, make a trip every week to the library to seek out new and better bedtime stories, giving you something to do for fun when she's awake that will also stimulate her to know when it is time to be quiet and respectful.

Also, get her into the habit of choosing one of her favorite stuffed animals or dolls, to listen to the story with her in bed, so she has a story buddy. She may change animals/dolls with every evening, or may choose the same one for an eternity. This will be the last thing she is allowed to do before climbing into bed... knowing that her friend may miss the story will give her a feeling of importance and reverence.

Now SHE is in charge of someone else who NEEDS her in order to have their own good bedtime experience.

Lastly, let go of the time it takes to "put a child to bed". Happy children get lots of time with mom or dad as they safely fall asleep. Bedtime is not time for you and husband to enjoy alone ~ it is HER time to enjoy one of you alone. If you take the time to provide a nice, 30-minute routine each night, you will all be happier.

You're probably not going to like this but I'm a 44 year old mom who loves to have her back "tickled" until I'm almost asleep! :) We "cuddle" our kids and we were told early on that someday we might miss our bedtime routine and that we should enjoy each stage as it comes.

With our son, the oldest, he was a stickler who would fuss as we left the room. So, we'd bring our own book or whatever and we'd switch from rubbing, etc to just sitting with him. I think that part of the process is that the child doesn't want to feel left out of anything and wants attention. We had a few tough years of one parent with each child but now my son has completely outgrown wanting anything to do with us at bedtime (unless he's sick or had a particularly bad day.) My daughter loves to be tucked in and cuddled but we trade on that if we, the parents, are tired. For example, she can have an extra ten minutes of reading if she turns her light out herself.. or something like that. In any event - nothing works all the time, but we've worked hard at just accepting that this is our family together time and we talk, and pray, and cuddle and read, and just connect before we go to sleep. My husband and I take turns now that only one child needs attention at bedtime. There have been plenty of times that I or my husband have actually fallen asleep in our child's bed and the other parent has had to rescue them to get up to their own bed! :)

I know our approach wouldn't have worked as well with unequal numbers of parents to children or with especially busy parents. We just decided that we'd rather be with them than let them cry it out, which obviously is a viable option and I style I don't disagree with - we just did it differently. We've missed out on hobby time or tv time or cleaning the house time, but we made choices and trade offs that have worked well for us.

Personality impact that I have noticed with my kids is that they have absolutely no sleeping problems. They go to sleep easily and enjoy bedtime. They don't wake up in the middle of the night or have bad dreams. They are well adjusted and don't need any "company" or other interventions when at Grandma's house or at a friends' sleepover. Now, on the other hand, they are spoiled and get attention most of the time. They are more likely to reach out for help in doing new things than experimenting or doing stuff independently. As adolescents and preadolescents, they are much more willing to blame their parents for all kinds of perceived wrongs due in part to their high level of security. In this day and age, there can't be too much familial security. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

And congratulations on number 2! My son was a Thanksgiving baby and it's a fun time of year ~

You need to introduce a time limit to her. Talk about it and set a start date. Then get a little egg timer and set it for an amount of time you feel comfortable with. Show it to her and explain that when the timer goes off she will get a final hug and kiss and then she will need to stay in her bed while you leave. If she gets out or fusses just say "good night" and put her back to bed as many time as you need. No additional backrub.

It's simple... she is manipulating you and you have got to set some limits for her new bedtime routine. There is nothing wrong with her wanting you to rub her back, but you have to set a time limit and be done. Set a timer so that she can see and/or hear when time is up and then be done. You are gonna have a few bad days, but if you are consistent, it will stop within a few days and then as long as you stick to the time limit, it will be all good. But, you can't allow your two year old control the decisions you make. It's very common at this age for them to do this kind of manipulation, and you have to stop it immediately and show her that you are the parent and you are in charge. Especially with the new baby coming, you have to get this taken care of now.