Rsvps - McKinney,TX

It is crazy how few reply these days. Some assume that we "know they are coming" while others feel "I didn't say I was coming". How on earth are we supposed to know which is which and estimate accordingly?

I think if you have either a phone number, email, or some way of contacting them you should followup if you have not heard w/in a week of the event. Do not feel odd about calling and putting them on the spot. One Should Not have to do this b/c everyone should have responded when getting their invitation but if they didn't - put them on the spot and ask.......

Reading that post made me so sad and if I were that parent my heart would seriously ache for my child.

did she try to contact the parents before the party? Recently we got a "reminder" from a parent about a party that I didn't know we received an invite for. I searched my son's backpack and found it stuffed at the bottom (along with many other papers- he is kindergarten after all). There have been other times I have just plum forgot (not an excuse, just happened). I know it is frustrating for the party giver, we have dealt with it too. I will now always try to followup with email if I have addresses.

I ALWAYS have this issue. It is a common discourtesy. I wish etiquette was more important to others in general this day and age.

Since it isn't, I say, try to obtain the phone numbers/emails of all that are invited prior to the invitation if possible. Call them, email them... until you get an answer- or whenever you are sick and tired of trying. Whichever comes first. ALWAYS assume those that do not reply are NOT coming and do not plan on them coming. If they show up, tough luck for them, they didn't RSVP!

A birthday party no-reply happened to my daughter (8) over the summer (I did NOT have their numbers/emails). I wrote a note on my front door the day of the party (we were having the party at our house), we left, we went out all day and had a blast with the family. The note read: "her birthday party is cancelled due to lack of replies". Apparently two kids showed up. Tough luck!

:)

It drives me crazyer than I already am :) when people don't RSVP. I do my best even if I can't go to let them know. But for sure if I am coming I always let them know. I can not stand when I have planned for a certain number and more show up and not have enough food. I pretty much can count on my inlaws not letting me know.

I think you are "preaching to the choir", even for those who do not have a command of the French language.
It is truly ashamed for the little boy who had a party and no one came....heartbreaking actually. If I were his mom/dad, I would pick better and more responsible friends and/or become a better planner. Many people do things at the last moment and then wonder "what happened".
For all the people who think an RSVP is not required, I recommend "The Mystery Party Location", the only way you find out the address/location is to RSVP....then you will know the people you want to keep on your invite list!

No doubts here.
I think failure to understand simple phrases like "RSVP" and "RSVP-regrets only" is just laziness.....doesn't matter WHO the invite is from, WHERE the party is, WHEN the party is, WHAT you think they understand about you coming, or WHY you're invited---REPLY people! LOL

This is a serious pet peeve of mine. Of COURSE you should RSVP. It's basic courtesy, and unless the invitation reads "RSVP Regrets Only," you should RSVP whether or not you plan to attend. Obviously, Regrets Only would still apply to those not intending to come.

I always RSVP b/c it makes me crazy when others don't!

Having said that, last year we sent out my son's invites a month before the party requesting an RSVP about a week later. That date came and went and we heard from less than half of the families. So... we sent a little "reminder" home with the MIA RSVPers just saying that we want to make sure to have enough food and goodies for all partiers, so please call or email that week. That little reminder actually did the trick. In the end, out of the 15 families at his daycare, there were only 2 that didn't respond either way. We also sent a "We'll see you tomorrow at 11:00!" home on the Friday before. It was a pain in the butt, but the party was kind of pricey (food was) and we didn't want to have a TON of leftovers!

We'll do the same this year. He's in preschool now with a different group of kids, so we'll have to see!

I have noticed our society is quite lax about all the etiquette stuff...people know what they're supposed to do, but they don't.

My advice on the party stuff is to send a reminder email (if you have emails) and tell them you haven't heard from a lot of people yet. Just be honest and let them know that you want to make sure you have enough "goodies and refreshments", after a reminder, they usually let you know.

If you don't have emails, call.

I wholeheartedly agree! I would like to add though that let's not start punishing the child for the acts of the parents either, that is certainly not in good etiquette either! It is not okay to purposely exclude children from a seating arrangement or a goodie bag because you want to "get back" at the parent who was clearly such an idiot. I realize that sometimes these things may happen completely on their own due to lack of communication, but I don't think anyone should knowingly go down that road! Just adding my two cents! :)

I'm having the same issue now - my son was allowed to invite 5 kids from his preschool class and I have heard from 2 of the 5 kids. His party is Saturday, and I need to turn in a head count to the place on Thursday to make sure we have enough seats arranged. Drives me crazy. I even gave a phone number and an email address (some people don't like to talk these days), especially when my son asks is so and so coming...

For this past October's birthday party, I didn't want to be surprised with noone showing up, or everyone showing up with no notice. I didn't know what the "etiquette" is supposed to be---is it "pushy" and rude to write things in invitations? I decided I'd been burned before for his 3rd birthday and now at 5, he's old enough to remember it so I went ahead and filled out the invitations as normal, but in the blank side of the card, I wrote "To insure that we have enough food, drink, and goodies, please let us know whether you will be coming or not by ___. We hope to see you there!" Surprisingly, that worked very well. I did mention to everyone invited that we were looking forward to seeing them, casually as a reminder, 2 or 3 days before the party (neighbors, kids at kung fu, and a couple friends).
I took for granted that everyone knew what RSVP meant and they were just lazy or waiting to the last minute to see if they got any better "offers". However, this was discussed a few months back on mamapedia and I realized some people actually did get RSVP and "Regrets Only" mixed up. So maybe the FB post will help some people. But not all....

The s'il vous plaît - literally translates - if you please.

There has never been any doubt or confusion on my part regarding what I need to do with an invite!!!

It drives me INSANE when people don't respond to invites. I respond. IF people had RSVPd - that child's broken heart could've been avoided. Like you said, the parents could have made other arrangements.

It's TOTALLY RUDE to NOT respond - whether you know the child or not.

The same mamas who got all over me because I dont tip my hairdresser are the same moms who probably think it is ok to not RSVP. Society is way too lax on politeness while otherwise strong on other types of etiquette.

Make take home party bags ONLY for those who sent an RSVP. Act genuinely hurt that you don't have enough... That will do the trick for the next year!

This is one of my pet peeves. I am always the mean one in my groups. People who don't reply don't eat or sit. I make sure that they know when they get there that they were not expected. I do let them know on the invitation that no provisions will be made for them if I don't know they're coming. (It's been a while, so I don't remember the exact verbiage.) I refuse to call and confirm, unless I have particular reason. I have sent the invitation; I will not stay on them about whether or not they'll attend. And I do not provide extra "just in case" settings, unless it's something like a backyard barbecue. Invitation events should not include "just in case" stragglers. Having standby provisions only encourages it.

I actually will CALL all those that didn't reply and say "I sent out A's invitations a couple of weeks ago and hadn't heard back from you, so I just wanted to make sure you got it - you know how things can get lost in the mail and I'd HATE for (insert child's name here) to miss out on A's party because our mail system isn't reliable." Almost every time, I've gotten "O my gosh, I'm SO sorry, I TOTALLY forgot to RSVP! YES, we ARE coming - thanks so much for the reminder." Problem solved. Of course, this only works if you've got everyone's phone number or email address. We shouldn't HAVE to track people down for a reply, but the reality is that there are some people who forget to RSVP, think their time is SO precious that they can't be bothered to RSVP, or are just generally clueless when it comes to manners. So track them down, I will!

I must say, though, for the over 14 years I've been a parent, for the most part, people have been really good about RSVPing.

I always RSVP as soon as I know if I can make it to the event or not. I never let more than 48 hrs go by before I respond.

I agree not to punish the child but given goodie bags are handed out at the end when parents are picking up, I did pretend not to have enough for 2 kids who didn't rsvp to their mothers in front of other mothers. I said 'oh! you didn't rsvp so I didn't know you were coming. I'm sorry! I'm not sure if I have enough goodie bags." So I got to point out their rudeness. But then I "got lucky" and had bags for their daughters.

Lack of rsvp is ridiculous imo. I work full time, have 2 kids, a big dog I have to take out all the time etc. If I can find time to organize a nice party and send out invites, I don't have much sympathy for people who are too busy to take literally 1 min to rsvp...

It is so rude to not RSVP, but it is just as bad when people RSVP that they are coming and then do not show up. I had a friend who was so annoyed by this when her daughter got married and about 20 people who said they were coming did not. At $50 a plate that was a huge waste and totally avoidable. If you say you are coming and then can't, you can still call and cancel. For events such as a wedding they usually turn in the final head count about 3 days before the event. It is also rude when you send an invitation and the invitee brings someone who was not invited. Tacky! There was a baby shower in my family and someone showed up with 4 teenagers that were not invited and they didn't bring a gift and totally pigged out on the food. I have raised my kids to know the proper etiquette on this but I guess some people just don't care.

The thing is NO ONE DOES THIS ANYMORE> it is frustrating isn't it. No one pays attention to it. They don't know the day before if they are coming or not.

To fix this issue, only invite people you know. Talk to them, say "Hey, did you get the invitation I sent you a couple of days ago? Just checking, you know how the mail is these days. Are you coming????? I am so excited about it! She's getting married....blah blah blah"...

Too many people sent invitations to people they have no idea who they are. If you want to know if they are coming call them and ask. If you don't know them then the person who invited them has a responsibility to call them and ask.

This is a pet peeve of mine also as others have stated. Now when I send out invitations I do not put the address where the party is. Now if they want to come they have to call.

BIG pet peeve of mine! I always respond, because I hate it when it's done to me. Most of the parties my kids have, little to no one RSVPs. What has happened to our society?

This is a HUGE pet peeve with me. It seems that society today has lost their manners! No one RSVP's or sends a Thank You Note. Grrrrrr!

We had a party for my middle child one year and I told him the Thursday before the party if I did not get one RSVP before the end of the day we were NOT going to be home the day of the party. Anyone who showed up well just too sad for them, they should has RSVP'd.

He is now 21 and I have an 8yr old still at home. Her circle of friends seems to be a little bit better about sending RSVP but we still need to work on the Thank You cards :-)

While I would never show up to a party without calling and rsvping I cannot count how many times when we have had a party for my daugther and about 10 people who never rsvped showed up. Every year for my daughter it appears to be a mixd bag. One year we had 50 kids one year we had 10. I feel horrible for the boy who had no one show uup.