Rsvps

I agree with Denise, get used to it. I have run into this more and more over the years. My older son is 9 and there is always someone who doesn't rsvp but shows up, then the ones who say they are coming but are no shows. Try to be flexible, you can't change the way some people were brought up. I was taught it's terrible manners not to rsvp but other people see it differently. Also, you have a few days yet, you will probably get a good number of calls at the last minute (or the day after the rsvp date). I think it is ok to send an email to people who haven't responded a couple days after the date to get an idea for food if you have a lot you have not heard from. I wouldn't bother calling everyone. A blanket email is less trouble and less awkward. Try not to worry about it until it's the $50/plate sit down wedding reception that they haven't responded to.

Oh my. My daughter will be 8 in jan, and I have had this problem ever since she was born. My husbands family will not rsvp to anything. I never have an accurate count, but it doesnt stop there. Even when my duaghter has a kid bday party people rsvp the day of and expect to be able to come. Its my opinion that people just dont care. I used to call EVERYONE when they didnt rsvp, but they are adults, they know what it means, even when I put, "please rsvp yes or no, so i have an accurate count for dinner".. I stopped "caring" whether I had enough food for everyone, I just focus on the day at hand, and hope the bday child has a great time.(plus I always tell my family first when food is being served and let his family fend for leftovers..mean yes.)...K.

Forget 'em and invite your friends :)

My younger son will the 3 on the 25th! Happy first birthday to your little guy.

You're not alone on the rsvp thing. I try not to let it get to me, but I'm having the same thing this week (for a party this Sat.) and it does piss me off despite myself. If it's at my home and I have the flexibility to adjust, I just plan for the larger number. If it's at a place where I have to provide a headcount, I call them. Also, I always provide both a phone number and e-mail for people and I try never to deliver invitations via school or daycare or preschool. Mail to their houses, or hand to their parents. Last December, we found a bday invitation crumpled and buried in my kindergarten-age son's bag 3 weeks after the party. I felt so bad!

Something else to keep in mind - you're asking for notice really far in advance (more typical in the bday party invitations we get is about a week) and your party is Thanksgiving weekend. Our extended family's plans just came together this weekend, so it would not surprise me if people on your list outside your family really don't know yet what their family obligations will be yet and might call you this weekend after all.

Hi T., I read a collumn by Miss Manners once on this subject. She said that it is perfectly acceptable to call the invited guests to make sure that they've received the invitation and would they be able to attend. Don't worry about offending anyone. They should be embarrassed that they haven't given you an RSVP!

Hey T.!
I had the same problem. My son's 1st birthday party is this sunday Nov 12th and people weren't RSVPing back- it's so annoying- but honestly i just called everyone and talked to people and made sure they got the invite and asked if they could make it- my RSVP YES is almost EVERYONE!!! People forget all the time- i'm even guilty of it sometimes. I would not just wait for a response you need to plan and know how many are coming. People may not mean to not respond it just isn't the first thing on their mind- while the party is ALL we are thinking about- I know i'm very excited! My son's father was the same way- very nonchelant about it- he said they were invited and if they don't come oh well- too bad. But i got him to at least txt message his side of fam and friends and told them to rsvp to me and now i have all my responses. That is my suggestion. Hope it helps! Just call- it's not a big deal!
D.

Good luck! My husband and I feel for you with the rude non-responders. We have a party every year for all our family and friends, and some people always wait until the last day or the day after the RSVP date to respond. One year I actually put on the invitation--if you don't RSVP, feel free to show up, but don't eat anything. After a while, those who don't respond regularly just don't get invited anymore. Besides if you have less guests, you can spend more attention on your son--it is his day!

T.-

I am also having a birthday party for my son on that day- And I too have not gotten ONE phone call! It's very agravating but I have to call people otherwise I'm the one who will suffer the consequenses e.g. not enough food or drinks and then my sons party will be nothing but stress! It's unfortunate but I would say you have to make the calls if you don't want to be stressed out that day- At the end of the day it's all about the kids!

Good luck with your party either way it should be great fun!

Hi T.,

It's simply rude when people do not RSVP so that you can get an accurate head count. I had a similar issue not long ago and I researched proper etiquette on this and according to Emily Post....you can and should call those who did not RSVP. It is not rude of you to do so, it is rude of them not to RSVP.

T.,
All I have to say is get used to it. I have a birthday party for family every year for each of my 3 kids and hardly anyone will RSVP. If they show and have not RSVP'd I can usually come up with a sarcastic remark to get them to realize the foupah(sp?) Actually I have gotten so good I can predict now how many will show even without an RSVP, my oldest is only 7.

My advice, make extra food, someone will eat it. I also started asking people to bring a dish to pass, to eliminate my stress is determining how much food to prepare. If you are catering or ordering and end up with extra food, make sure the next time you see the offenders you mention it. Don't worry about being rude, it certainly did not bother them.

Oh, and get used to other mothers doing the same when your child become school age and has "friend" parties. ARGHHHHH!!!!

D. :)

For family, we always assume that if they WEREN'T coming they would let us know. For friends, I would email or call and let them know you needed a count for who would be there.

Normally, when we have family parties, we have found it's just easier to say "regrets Only" on the RSVP.

GOOd luck!

C.

Hi T.,

I think this is really annoying too. I agree that a blanket e-mail that asks people to please get back to you so you can have a final head count for food and drinks is effective, not offensive, and doesn't take too much effort on your part. In the future you might try doing an Evite in addition to (or instead of) paper invites. The Evite site is great, it tallies the responses for you so you don't have to, and it automatically sends a reminder to people who haven't replied. Try it! www.evite.com. I was even able to upload one of my son's recent photos to be the graphic for his Evite--really cute! A.

It is perfectly fine to call and check with anyone who didn't RSVP. Usually I wait a couple days after the final date, just in case someone forgot. Be aware, however, that you may get last minute cancellations, no-shows or people who said they couldn't make it might call the day before and say "Oh, now I CAN make it!" so decide if you are going to let non-responders attend.

I had a big party for my son's christening because we had recently moved into a house, so the party was christening/housewarming. It was the first BIG party we ever hosted because we never had the room before. I rented a tent, tables, chairs, had food catered. My head count was 50 responses attending. The day of the party -- 12 people either called said they couldn't make it or didn't show. Another large group left before the food arrived stating they had to attend another function. (christening ended at 1, food was due to arrive at 2 to allow for travel from the church to home -- which was noted on the invitation). I ended up with a ton of leftovers and one whole table that wasn't even used.

I agree with Kristi. WHY can't people RESPOND? I hate, hate, hate that. You have every right to call. If they do not answer, in your message I would state that if we don't hear from you by "friday" then we will assuming you are not able to attend and we hope to see you soon. Good luck. What a pain in the buttocks!!! And I am not comfortable with Regrets only...it still doesn't ensure an accurate count.