Rough Day. I Feel like Everything Is a Fight with My Kids.

Wow! I thought I had the Original David-Downer! haha Still does that.
He's a cautious kid (now 8) and expresses his opinions ALL the time ("I don't want to eat here, looks like a bar!" "I'm not walking across that sand!", "I don't like the looks of this...or that..."
I don't think it's deserving of a punishment if they say they 'don't want to go' somewhere (a fun trip) but I don't tolerate whining when it's a 'I have to' thing (errands, grocery shopping).
Maybe don't plan so much. Sometimes kids need to hang out & play at their own house. :) You can't keep them super busy every day of the summer.
You took it 'personally' because YOU wanted to go to the lake....they didn't.

They are 5 1/2 and 3. You are teaching them that if they whine and cry and have a fit they get their way. You are rewarding their bad behavior. My husband and I agree that we do not allow the inmates to run the asylum. If someone is crying or whining about breakfast we just take away breakfast. It will return to them for lunch or even snack but we don't debate and I'm not a short order chef.

Try not to take their antics personal. Sometimes they just can't find the words to express themselves. While at other times this tactic is just a matter of the manipulation of you. Your best defense is to know how you are going to handle their over-the-top responses before they actually happen.

Taking the TV away and not letting out all day also puts you on punishment. Different tactics work for different kids.

Perhaps they are on the go too much and don't have the balance of enjoying home so much. Relax, pull yourself together. This too will pass, all too soon you will have a 15 1/2 year old and a 13 year old and God bless you then. They don't change much along the way their personality is what it is. It is your job to shape their character into something positive.

You sound like you're describing my 5 year old daughter. Some days everything feels like a chore. It is so disappointing when you go to the trouble to do something special that you think would be fun for them and they whine, complain and just don't act like they enjoy or appreciate it.

My daughter is also stubborn when it comes to eating. She just had her 5 year checkup and her doctor wanted to know why she hasn't gained any weight since last November (9 months). (She has gotten taller, she just hasn't gained any weight.) I had to explain that she just won't eat if I don't serve something she likes, and she likes very, very few things. Honestly, I can put the food in front of her but I can't make her eat it. I put food on her plate and sometimes she eats it and sometimes she doesn't. Regardless of what it is, she whines about it most of the time. She tells me that she wants ice cream, popsicles, Oreos and candy instead. Um, no. Those are things you might get after you eat your dinner, but not before - and we definitely don't have those things with our breakfast. Lately she's been driving me nuts, when she does decide to eat, by asking me "How many more bites?" every few seconds. For a while she started dumping her food in the trash and then 10 minutes later she would tell me that she was still hungry. She seemed to think that if she threw her dinner in the trash and she was still hungry that I would have to give her cookies, ice cream and crackers. Wrong. It took her a few times but she finally figured out that that doesn't work. What's bad is that I can tell that she is really hungry sometimes because she is so grumpy but she just won't eat if it's not exactly what she wants. I have even tried taking her to the grocery store with me to help pick out healthy food and she assures me that she will eat it, but when we take it home and prepare it it's a different story. I've also tried getting her to help me prepare the food but that doesn't help either.

Sorry that I don't have any advice for you. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Here's hoping they grow out of this soon! :)

If I want to go somewhere and my son does that I say,ok bye, see you later. Me and Daddy are going out and you can stay home with the cats,birds and the hamster. I would never do that of course but, it seems to work. I do not give into the whining of my four year old. If I need to go somewhere then I say fine bye. I would have packed their stuff and say ok,I am ready to leave. Let them know you are the boss and they are not. I think that this does work and there is not need to scream,get angry or lose it. I know it is hard sometimes but you have to pick your battles.

Normal.

They won't always argue with you over everything, but right now you need to be prepared to say, "okay, then we won't go", or "okay, then don't eat and you can eat at lunch." And don't take it personally.

And the more you disengage from this kind of stuff, the less they will do it.

And then you will suddenly have a really fun day with them and feel all better about everything.

Hi, H.:

Have you heard about Indigo Children?

Think about not doing any thing for your children and let them ask for
what it is they need.

Just a thought.
D.

This sounds a lot like my 3-year-old. We were just vacationing at the beach and some days it was exhausting to get him dressed in his swim trunks and rash guard to go to the beach. He didn't cooperate and said he didn't want to go. I just ignored him the best I could and dressed him (struggled to put flailing arms into a shirt!). Once we got to the sand he was fine and played, laughed and had fun. We were only on the beach in the morning for a couple hours so he had the rest of the day to play at the beach house if he wanted so I didn't feel bad forcing him. Even at such a young age he has a strong opinion but I will not let his opinion unfairly dictate my day/schedule. I have no advice but I can definitely relate. Let us just hope this too will pass.

Oh, thank God, mamas, I thought it was just me! I have all this behavior, too, but you know what else? I have a 5 year old who is "teaching himself" to read! I guess you have to take the good with the bad of their personalities. Lets all just hang in there and pray for each other! Love you guys!

When your son cries and doesn't want to eat, remove him from the table and he does not eat, period. If he's crying and throwing a fit about being hungry, send him to his room. Let him know that if he's hungry, he'll eat at lunch with no complaints. All with a calm, matter of fact tone. No tolerance rule. If they throw a fit about going to the beach (seriously??) then don't go. No TV? Yup. But no outside either. Nothing. If they want to ruin a fun family trip they get nothing. They can stay in their rooms for the day. If my day is ruined I'm not going to reward them with playing outside and having fun.

Yes, it can be hurtful, but it's part of parenting dealing with children who are bored and take turns being ungrateful. They've done this attitude because of their age and because they've been allowed to. Do not give empty threats. What you say is what you better follow through with or they will think anything threat you say is empty. You'll be creating a mess of monsters. You're going to have bad days with them but every action deserves a correct reaction. You must jump on them immediately when they misbehave and expect correct behavior. Always be calm and matter of fact towards the entire thing. "You don't want to put on your suits? Ok. We're not going. Go to your room. This is the choice you made. I hope you enjoy your day because I will be enjoying mine." Then go and do what you need to do and enjoy yourself by sitting outside, talking on the phone, watch a movie, whatever. And meals should never be a fight. Eat, don't eat, but make up your mind. If you eat you will do so at the table properly or get away quietly. No snacks inbetween. Wait until the next meal. They'll start getting the picture pretty quick. In my house, if anyone decides to throw a tantrum in their room they get a swift swat on the behind. That's called 'giving them a real reason to cry'.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I have a homebody kid who would rather stay home all the time. I take that into consideration when making my plans, but I don't let him run the show. If we need to go, we go. When it is reasonable, we stay home. When I really want to go somewhere and he doesn't, I make staying at home seem like the worse of two choices. Like, "we can stay at home and Mama will clean out the attic and you can play by yourself, or we can go do X... which would you prefer?" If he doesn't give me an answer, I choose. But I'm having to deal with the fact that I have a kid who doesn't want to go and I'm a mom who does... basic personality differences. It's hard to know what to do.

With meal times, I do what several of the other moms have said. What is on the plate is what there is to eat. You can choose to eat it or go hungry. If you are obnoxious at the table, you are excused until the next meal. I personally believe that everybody should have a couple foods that they won't eat (tomatoes and corned beef make me vomit, and there is no point in trying to get me to eat them). Obviously, you don't have to eat those few things you truly dislike. But other than that, you get what you get. My son (who is almost 4) goes to bed hungry one or two nights a week, but that is his choice. He's not a big night-time eater anyway, and he always makes up for it at breakfast. But I am not going to a.) be a short-order cook b.) feed him unbalanced meals or c.) have mealtime ruined by uncivilized behavior. He's catching on, though goodness knows there are bad days as well as good. I only have one kid, but I can see how they can gang up on you and feed off of each others bad behavior. Good luck!

(((((Hugs)))))

It does get better I promise. This is just a phase they are going through.