Right Age to "Cry It Out"

My kids wouldn't take pacifiers - despite my every effort to get them to! I was always so envious of the moms who could pop the pacifier in and viola - happy baby. My question is - why take the pacifier away already? 3 months seems so young to take something away. The latest research I have read says they are helpful in preventing SIDS and don't do any damage orthodontically until later. I also think 3 months is too young to 'cry it out'. Good luck!

I wouldn't be in a hurry to do it yet. 3 months seems awfully young, but I know each child and each situation are different and you know what's best for your baby. I hadn't intended to do it at all, but by 7 months, the sleeplessness was affecting all 3 of us and our marriage. Something had to change. Plus, as a parent, you know your child, and we could tell she was ready. The first night was hard, but not near as bad as I thought it would be. I had the most trouble with the fact that for weeks and weeks she would cry for every single nap and bedtime. Its very very draining and makes you question your commitment. Just be prepared for that feeling. But now, she's 10 months and sleeping 12 hours with 1 feeding at 3:30am. Its definitely much better now, but she still cries sometimes. We are learning which cries are her "go to sleep cries" and which ones mean she really needs something. You'll get there, I know its hard. But 3 months really does seem early to me. Good luck! you are a great mom!!!

The sooner the easier it is for them to break habits like pacifiers and bottles. I wouldn't try the Ferber method with a newborn but I think 3mos. is good he's probaly starting to get very attached to the pacifier and if you don't want a child with a pacifier now is a great time to get rid of it. I was a wimp parent and didn't do the Ferbet method til my daughter was over 2 years of age with the bottle at bedtime. It was horrible I won't lie but she had been attached to that bottle for a very long time. It was harder on me the mom then on my child. It took a good 3 nights of begging, crying and wanting the bottle. After about 3 days she had pretty much forgotten about it. I just kept telling myself I'm not hurting her, this is for her own good. Keep in mind your 3month old baby will give up his pacifier but may latch onto another bedtime ritual or security object like a blankie or something. I think your smart for getting rid of it now rather than later. I worked at a daycare and you wouldn't believe how many kids over the age of 2 were severly attached to their pacifiers and talked horribly. Good Luck and don't feel bad or guilty when he wants it.

Hi there,

I realize you have has a plethora of responses but I thought I'd tell you what I have read about this too...with this caveat: I haven't read all the other responses, so if this is just a repeat I apologize. I did read your follow up though, and my sister had the same problem with the nuk falling out constantly. She too wanted to stop using it, but because of the tremendous support from the AAP and various SIDS organizations, she decided to keep it up. Her baby did eventaully learn to pop it back in herself, but it was frustrating for a while. Also, 3 months old is really young to "cry it out". At that age they cry when they feel insecure or scared and its really important that your baby learns to count on you to be there and make him feel safe and secure. This is a really important way to develop trust as well. They also do not have any concept of object permanence yet, so when you are not around, they don't know that you'll be back. I think babies begin to pick up on that around 6 months or so. I know its really tiring and exhausting right now, but hang in there, its so worth it and he'll eventually get the hang of this sleeping thing. :)

At three months old babies still need to comfort themselves with things that are comforting to them. Whether it be a breast or a pacifier. Also, keep in mind that babies that young have a NEED to suck. It is instinctual. My son is 10 months old and is giving up the pacifier on his own. I am all for trying different ways to wean from the bottle, pacifier, etc. However, I think you have a few months yet before this becomes a concern.

For avoiding and fixing future sleep problems, I highly recommend "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. (I have recommeneded it half a dozen times on Mamasource by now because it was such a life saver with my baby). It is way gentler than the Ferber method.

I know a lot of people who used the Ferber method and liked it. By "liked it" I just mean that it was effective and only minimally painful, in terms of parental guilt during the crying it out phases.

Ferber ruined bedtime at my house. We went from having a baby who would quickly and happily fall asleep in our arms and stay asleep while being set down into the crib to having a baby who would scream for what felt like hours (I think the longest we ever held out was half an hour) as soon as the crib came into view. When we started the whole endeavor it made sense to me that our son needed to learn to "self-soothe" (sp?) himself to sleep. Since then I've wanted to kick myself every time I think about the whole thing.

Again- I know a lot of people who had a really positive experience using the Ferber method. It just really didn't work for my family. My son is now 3 years old and we're still feeling the effects. Uhg.

M.

Opinions on this vary so much it's hard to say what's the "right thing" to do. That said, I think 3 months is too young to try to teach your baby to self-soothe. At this age, your baby has no concept of object permanence (sp?) and therefore has no idea you exist when you're not in the room. They get this at around 6 months old. Up until that point, it's totally about building trust between you and your child.

I think 3 months is just a little too young to try taking away the pacifier, but my only experience is having one son who never cared too much for a "nuk." I also would not try the crying out method until perhaps 4 months. That's about when we tried it. Babies are all different though.

Would it be possible to slip the nuk out of his mouth after he falls asleep? My little guy gets a nuk when he goes down to sleep, but he plays with it and eventually spits it out upon falling asleep. He's 8 months old though.

A baby's sleep doesn't really start to "organize" until about 4 months, so you might want to wait a bit. Also, rather than the Ferber method, I suggest something similar and very well-researched. The book is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. We have 2 kids and we believe this is the most important book we have read, as parents. At this age, you should be able to recognize some sleep cues and put your baby to bed earlier at night, but it's probably not quite time to cry it out.

My son slept with his pacifier, and he outgrew it by a year old. He did it on his own. The Ferber method is meant to slowly teach a baby to not eat during the night, you wait a little longer every night and let them cry so that they no longer get hungry during the night and will go to sleep. I would try to put him to sleep without it and see how he does, but the Ferber method is not supposed to be used under 6 months old. As he gets older he will rely on it less if you don't rely on it (by shoving it in his mouth every time he whines). I personally wouldn't even attempt it until at least 6 months old, comfort is very important for babies that young. I was never going to even give my son a paicifier... but he was in the special care nursery and I didn't get to see him for 12 hours, and my mom told the nurses to give him one... I didn't know until he was attatched already. But I think next time I will just do it (AFTER the baby gets breastfeeding down though!), because it was nice to have sometimes. I didn't use it all the time, but for sleep it helped a lot. There are a lot of mixed feelings about it (causing ear infections and teeth problems...) but I wouldn't worry too much with a baby that young. Good luck!

J.

A couple of things to consider before doing this. First of all, research shows that a baby that uses a pacifier while sleeping has a reduced risk of SIDS and actually taking it away before the 1 year "safety" mark if they use it regularly can increase the risk of SIDS. Also, babies do have that need to suck. Also, you should remember that you cannot spoil a baby under the age of 1, and especially under the age of 6 months.

You can let him cry it out and let him use his pacifier. Letting him cry it out and taking the pacifier away at the same time, could be pretty traumatic for him.

A.,

The majority of what I've read suggests that 6 months is the earliest you should attempt "crying it out". Every situation is different but I'd maybe wait a bit, especially with all the evidence supporting a pacifier for cutting down your risk of SIDS. Additionally, when you do start to ween your little one from his pacifier, I would start out doing it at naptime. Once he's gotten good at that, you'll probably be able to take it away at bedtime too. Now would be a good time to introduce some other comfort measure too, a blanket or teddy that he always has at bedtime. That way he won't ever be without something that makes him feel secure.