Reward Charts

I know you asked about reward charts, but as the mother of two teens and an 11 year old, I would like to point out that there is NO substitute for PRAISE!! I really don't like the idea that children do what it expected of them to do normally just to get a prize. I think it sets up a bad idea in their minds. There is no substitute for a hug and a smile. There is no substitute for praising your child. Be sure that you are giving your child affection ALL through the day. I don't mean you have to sit and hug and kiss your kids all day, just a quick hug, a smile, a pat on the back--really goes a long way.
You said you used reward charts for potty training: I am curious, do you use them still for that? Does your child get a sticker still every time he/she uses the toilet?? Probably not. I honestly don't think they should be used long term. For learning a new skill-yes, but for just listening and doing what they are told--NO!! Is an employer going to give your teenager a sticker every time he shows up for work on time? NO. We all need to keep in mind what our goal is in raising our children. We are raising them to be ADULTS! Responsible, thinking, productive ADULTS!
Often I think we devise all these tools, but we leave out the human contact and BELIEVE ME, when they get to be teenagers, it is soooooooo important to have that ground work laid.
Your 4.5 year old is not too young to understand helping and you can have discussions instead of nagging. I like some of the ideas others have put on here, but DON"T leave out the love and be sure you are aware of some of the consequences behind a child thinking he/she must always get some monetary/tangible reward when they do something that they should do anyway. I explain to my teenagers (even before they were teenagers)"this is your house, it is your responsibility to keep it clean. These are your toys, your clothes, as a parent it is my responsibility to teach you to take care of your stuff, but it is your job to do what I say."
I like to praise my children in front of their dad or grandparents, like at the dinner table, "Cortney did a great job cleaning the kitchen today, or Carlee helped make the salad, have you tried it yet?" This is a BIG boost for a child. I quit giving my children monetary rewards the day I asked my daughter to clean her room and she said "Will you give me a dollar if I do?"
Feel free to e-mail me privately if you want to talk more about it.
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P.s. I hope I don't sound harsh--I just have learned a lot over the years and I now try to parent from THE HEART! There are lots of books, devices, MAGIC this and that, and some work, but you must parent from the HEART more than anything.

You can use this method but you need to choose something that they can understand.... Start by deciding one or two behaviors to concentrate on.... too many behaviors can be confusing and you'll want to give up quickly. Then deside the "prize" that leads to a bigger reward. You might want to use colored buttons in a jar or popcicle sticks. Then talk to your children on their level.. eye level, and explain to them that they are going to get a special button or stick when you see that they are listening, and doing things the first time you call. Lead them to their Special jar that they have decorated themselves, and let them put their button or stick in. Decide how many sticks in a day or week will earn rewards. I would start out one day at a time and reward small things like dessert or a special bedtime story. Be positive all the time even when they do something wrong. instead of saying you didn't listen, say You will listen better the next time! Also if you haven't already, subscribe to a magazine called Family Fun. It is a great magazine full of everything for kids and family!

Hi H.,
I have 4 children ages 15 yrs, 6 yrs, 3 yrs, and 6 months. Right now and since my kids have been old enough to do chores and things like this I've never used a reward chart. I feel like when there are 4 children and 2 adults (and really it doesn't matter how many children you have) it takes all of us to keep up on the house and work that needs done around here. Now that doesn't mean I don't have chores for my kids to do but at the sametime I don't reward them for every little thing they do around the house. The chores my kids do have is the 15 yr old he has to keep his room clean inclufing dusting and vacuuming, do his own laundry (I taught him how to use the washer and dryer), take the trash down on wednesday night and bring them back up on thursday and keep his grades up. For the 6 yr old he is to help his sister keep their room clean (they share a room and have bunk beds), put their dirty clothes in the hamper when they take them off, put his coat, backpack and shoes behind the door when he gets home from school, pick up whatever he gets out Toys, xbox controller and/or games. My 3 yr old has to help keep her room clean, put her dirty clothes in the hamper, put her shoes away and keep her toys picked up. I don't really have a problem gettig my kids to pick up after themselves or do what I ask them to do. I have always taught my kids when I tell you to do something you better do the first time because if I have to ask the second there will be consequences to follow. Those consequesnces can be anything from an earlier bedtime, taking away playing the xbox, or not going outside. In my opinion kids have currency no matter what age that is for your 4.5 yr old it could be a favorite toy, a favorite movie, a privilege of some kind or even a playdate. For your 2.5 year old I think it depends on the child and their individual maturity level, not every 2.5 year old is at the same place. But i also think she will still have currency. In your about me you say that your kids need more structure, I am a home child care provider and I would not survive the day if I didn't have myself and the kids on a daily schedule and routine.
Are day runs as follows:
8:00 am brakfast
10:00 am morning nap for kids that need it.
11:30 lunch
12:30- 2:30 naptime
3:00 pm snack

Now in between these times we may watch a movie, play outside for a little bit, color or play with toys or even we will count the cars that pass by our house (we live on a busy street), or we will go over our full name and our age, I watch a little girl that will be 2 at the end of next month so her mom and I have been working on teaching her her full name and age. I don't feel like kids only learn by putting a pencil and a piece of paper in their hand and sitting at the table. I teach the kids I watch in a more relaxed way and don't force it on them. It seem to be working Rhapsody at not 2 yet can count to 10 and Jilliean my daughter can count to 20 and both can sing the abc's. We have the fridge phonics thing and we match the capital letters to the lowercase, we have fun. I don't know if anything I'm saying will help you at all. Just my thoughts W..

Here's a reward idea that worked for me when my kids were tiny like yours...

I got three goldfish bowls - one big, two little. In the big goldfish bowl I put all sorts of small toys - the kind you get for 79 cents at the learning store - but big enough not to be a choke hazard. Every time they performed a chore, they got to take one of the toys and put it in their own goldfish bowl. If they failed to do a chore, they had to put one back. At the end of the week (Friday), I let them take the toys they earned out of the bowl. Part of the fun was picking out the toy they wanted, and also putting it in their own bowl. Part of the pain of not doing their chore was having to put one back themselves. It was a good system because the toys are attractive, desirable and immediately gratifying, and money is meaningless at that age. They did like putting stars on charts too, but that didn't work as well as the toys in the goldfish bowls.

I think right now would be the perfect time to introduce a chore chart with stickers.

here's a link to age appropriate chores:
http://familyfirst.net/parenting/chorelist.asp

Flylady.net even has a daily mission for children now and it's good to have the daily reminder to avoid perfectionism when teaching them good cleaning and organization habits.

Just remember to give a direct command. "pick up these toys" may mean and take them to your room and put them in the toy box to you but to a child, it could mean pick it up and put it down in a different spot. Avoid multisteps cause they are too young to remember them, make if fun with play dispersed between instructions, give the child a warning after 5 seconds of resistance then 30 only seconds to actually complete the task. And if they don't start in after another 5 seconds then you should implement a time out and they don't get up until they are ready to complete the task and they have to complete it so don't do it for them or have the other child pick up the slack. Then you go ahead and play with them for a little more before you tell them to do something else. The trick is to only do this timeout or play scenario when you really have time to do it right.

Immediately reward the kids with a sticker after they follow every instruction and say "Thank you for minding me" eventually they'll be happy with the words and not the sticker.

have fun, be sure to play with each child alone for at least 5 minutes a day and read to each child alone for at least 20 minutes a day.

Children can work well if they have a good understanding of what is expected. I found some great DO/DID lists for all areas of the house that create accountability for the children. Because these lists are so specific in nature, each line is an action to do for a specific job, that there is no misunderstanding of what was expected. They have to check off the DID box when they have finished the line. I just fill out the list for their bedrooms or bathroom, they pick it up and complete it without my reminding them and turn it in. They love the list and I love the result. At first, I checked it with them so we could correct misunderstandings, but now the children feel a great sense of satisfaction and because they work so hard, they pick up after themselves better.
This list is available as a digital download for $1.25 and comes with all the rooms in the house you could possibly imagine with editable charts for a little more. They are a life saver. Check them out.
http://floridabestmom.com/page6.html

INSTANT FUN is what toddlers like best. Start singing a favorite song and explain that their game is to try to finish the chore by the end of the song. They can sing, too. Some days you can just start the song and they will get moving to do what you asked.

A friendly race is always fun and praise both for moving soooo fast! Start counting in English or Spanish and make it a learning moment to see if they can finish by 20. Give them a goal, to finish before they say their ABC's. Ask them if they like these games or if they can think of a better way to get the job done fast. They can come up with ideas so it never gets boring for them or you. Nagging days are over, fun days are here.

If you use a reward chart for daily chores draw a picture next to the words so they can 'read' it, too. Remember to make it fun. I like to say; "I'm about to put stickers on the chart, let me check to see if you brushed teeth... then give them time to brush as you 'get distracted by something' and say you will be right there in a minute to check." They think they are slick to do it fast before you check and it's a fun game, with a similar thrill like hide and seek.

I wrote a book that you might enjoy... www.twominutemom.com. My kids and I created ideas that are fun for them and me. We want to share with others because they are now 12 and 9, well-mannered and straight A students. Maybe the book can help you, too. It's only $9.95 on my website.

Good luck,
B.
www.twominutemom.com