Revised- HUBBY DENIED FAMILY LEAVE.....now We REALLY Need Serious Help!

So sorry to hear of your predicament. The few things I can think of:

Do you belong to a church? If so, you might want to reach out to the members of your congregation and explain what has happened to see if anyone can help.

What about neighbors? Are you close with anyone?

Are there any colleges close to you? We found our wonderful babysitter at W&J. We posted a note in the area with the mailboxes. College students are usually more mature and reliable than a high school student.

What about daycare for your daughter, just for the time you need it most? My son is autistic and when he was younger, preschool was paid for because of his 'disability'. We found a great LEAP program and they even transported him because of his diagnosis. Does your daughter receive therapy services that are covered by the state?

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with anything more than that.

Good luck to you...take a deep cleansing breath.

Hi S.,
I like Beth's suggestions.
I'd like to add a few. Are you considering a doula? They can help after the birth with baby care & light house keeping & meal prep. Maybe you could ask some family members to choose a doula gift package as a way of welcoming the baby?
Also, have you checked www.sittercity.com for sitters/mother's helpers in the area near you? You can search by zip code. I think your biggest challenge will be entertaining/playing with your daughter. I'll bet you will handle the newborn just fine and your hubby can still help with keeping the house & cooking, etc. Don't panic, whatever you do. Stay calm and ask everyone you know if they know of someone good who could help...
Hugs to you!

This might be a stretch but what about home care agencies. My grandparents used them when they were older and had returned home after a hospitalizations. I know of younger people who have used them when they were returning home after being hospitalized. They helped with bathing, feeding, light housework, etc. I don't know the cost but wonder if your insurance may help with the cost.

I wonder if anyone at a your ob office has any suggestions. Or maybe a local lactation consultant would know of someone. They hear so many stories from parents in similar situations during those first weeks home that they may have some references.

I think a post-partum doula is an option. You also have to understand that you don't HAVE to breast feed, or can partially supplement with formula. Some of us "crunchy" moms forget that our mom's didn't breastfeed us and we turned out fine. (I was so depressed about our breastfeeding situation that I was almost hospitalized.)

Another option I can offer is to send your toddler to a licensed daycare. You aren't going to get much rest with an at-home sitter, and you can't watch her all the time. My son's daycare (Interplay ###-###-####, which is downstairs from where the Center for Creative Play was-- I think that's close to your house) accepts all children regardless of disability and are really, really wonderful with children with challenges. Even if your 1 year old went a couple days of week it would be a break for you.

Are you getting EI for your daughter? Maybe that worker would have some ideas too.

I certainly wouldn't spend any energy lamenting a c-section-- healthy mama, healthy baby. That's all that matters!

Gosh, this does sound tough, and I can completely understand the panic, especially so late in the day. However, you have reached out for help here, and you can do it again in another context nearer to home so to speak!

I firmly believe you will figure something out. Beth's suggestions are really good, and whichever direction you end up going, should really depend on your comfort zone. Do you prefer to pay someone or would you be happy accepting help from neighbors and such? I think there is nothing wrong with either, but for some reason personally I struggle with accepting non-paid help on a regular basis. It makes me feel as though I should be paying them back somehow immediately (which isn't possible) and then just stresses me out even more. I obviously need to learn how to accept favors and know that people will be ok, trusting that I will be there for them in turn later! Also, generally people do actually like to help - if for no other reason than for the appreciation and feel-good factor.

I can only imagine what it must be like to have a child with sensory needs added to the mix, but like someone already said, checking out what rights you have from the government would be really sensible, as you might be able to apply some of those funds/resources to making your situation manageable.

Just curious also, why do you need to have a c-section? Have you had a previous c-section? Have you heard of V-bac? Vaginal births after c-section? It is possible to do for some. Again, may be a bit late in the day to look at that option, but it couldn't hurt to ask your doctor and get a second opinion if he won't consider it, or you aren't convinced he's got the best reasons for that. You'll still need help either way, because you'll be recovering from the birth and you'll be tired from feeding at night etc., but maybe you could get away with a few hours a day of help rather than round the clock care so to speak, which would be perhaps a bit easier/cheaper to arrange.

Best of luck to you, and here's to hoping the universe will provide you with the ideal solution!

Hugs,
A.

Hi S.,

So sorry that you are going through this additional stress. I would research further into FMLA. If your husband's company falls under the guidelines for FMLA then unless he already took the typically allowed 12 weeks in a 12 month period then he should still be eligible. If he took a portion of the time he might not be able to get a full 12 weeks, but might be able to request the balance. Also, keep in mind that when you do qualify for FMLA that does not mean he has to take it in a consecutive manner or even full days, he could work part-time to extend the leave and have someone help you the other part of the time. You might want to reach out to all your friends and family and see what they can offer as far as helping you before going out to hire someone. I don't know what your husband does, but if he could have flexible hours, e.g., work after your toddler goes to bed or work weekends when more family is available to help out it might be a good alternative if nothing else works. I hope that is helpful and good luck.

Ya know, I would seriously look further into this. I don't think they can deny you your family medical leave (under the family medical leave ACT) simply because he had to take off for an unrelated issue. I would do some research and maybe even call a labor relations attorney before accepting your hubby's "company's" registered letter. Here is the link from the government, although I'm sure you've already looked at it: http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/
-- You may want to contact the dept. of labor just to see if his company really can deny the leave due to the accident leave he had to have awhile back.

I'm facing a possible repeat c-section myself. Getting conflicting views on whether or not to try to VBAC. If you don't mind me asking, what was the reason for your previous "c"?

Either way - you NEED help. I'm in the same boat, my husband has to take unpaid leave as well. And truthfully, the "unpaid" part freaks me out too. We are pretty strapped financially as well :( And we don't really have any family or friends that could help because they either live to far or have to work themselves. So I feel your panick -- I'm panicking myself as well so I can relate to your worries with this added stressor.

Good luck and I hope it works out.

M.