Responses That Differ....

I once asked a question about me being "Skinny with a muffin top" and I was expecting a lot of "more exercise, eat better ...." but was hoping for something other than the normal "do crunches" response. I GOT more than a 'do crunches' response. Many if not most of the posts said I need to go shopping and try to find jeans and tops that fit me better! I was GLAD to get a differing response than what I'd expected. It's not that their 'opinion differed' from mine but what I got from all you wonderful ladies (and I think O. guy) was a whole different insight to my way of thinking. Loved it. :)

I know that I have posted things that i did not think were remotely controversial to find out that some folks have very different opinions than what i would have expected. It does cause me to go back and reevaluate what i think. Sometimes i change my mind and sometimes i do not...

I feel this frequently happens to me. I'll ask what I think are relatively neutral questions, and the level of judgment that I'll get in response is often pretty surprising. I feel that people presume a lot of backstory that simply doesn't exist and then respond as if their assumptions are true.

The thing I have come to value from Mamapedia is that hearing different opinions usually actually helps me to understand what my true values really are. I didn't realize, for example, that I really don't care if my young son wants to play dress up in girl stuff until someone else wrote that allowing him to do so will make him gay (which... *eye roll*).

I don't particularly subscribe to the theory that having a majority of people disagree with me should make me reconsider my position. For me, it would depend WHO is disagreeing with me - do I respect their opinions? do I share their same values? The quality, not the quantity, of people involved matter more to me.

I understand your post perfectly. You asked a question, you gave an example, then you concluded by restating the question.

I have asked benign questions and was shocked at the charged responses.
EX: Looking for a furniture store recomendation - answers were lectures on debt and suggestions to get marriage counsleing.
2nd ex: Asked a question memorializing a dead music artist, answers were a bunch of people speaking ill of the dead and restating his controversial personal life. I was asking about the music.
In those cases I dont think that majority rules. They almost all differed from what I expected, but that didn't make me reconsider my original question. It made me wonder if there was a full moon, they had cancelled Biggest Loser, or if Starbucks had run out of half caf, fat free, soy lattes.

A lot of the answers vary greatly and bring tons of more "thought" to the forefront.
I love reading answers about touchy subjects.
So much insight here, so much!
I learn NEW things all the time.
I like reading what the younger generation is worried about.... keeps me informed and helps me in my job dealing with younger women and families.

boy, perfect timing! There's a doozy on here today....where the original poster is calling the respondents "idiots" for having opinions differing from her own!

I like posts which make me think, which make me research. I like that Mamapedia allows me the freedom to help others & learn in return.

Good question! Thanks!

The day we stop considering differing points of view (however presented) on any issue (however benign), is the day we stop learning and growing.

I suspect a great many women on this site have stopped growing and learning. I suspect a lot of people in real life stop growing and learning.

Sigh.

Growing and learning can require extreme humility, which is a learned skill.

:(

Sorry, I was out of it earlier. Obvious by my original answer.

I have found that I may change my mind if the moms I normally agree with have posted a different answer than me.. I read them and try to understand or consider their answers.. The moms that I rarely agree with or the "grumpys" if they agree with me.. I make sure I am not on the wrong side in the first place. . Hee, hee.

We just need to always be honest with ourselves and follow our hearts and brains. We must decide what is best for our own situations.

I have learned a ton by reading the questions and answers here. I share lots of things you mamas say.. It is so amazing to have so many different voices with different backgrounds and situations to see a question in different perspectives or different experiences.
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My business partner and I used to joke about if O. of us died would we be willing to take care of the other husband?.. Not in a sexual way, but making sure they are cared for.

Eating healthy, their house is clean, laundry done, bills paid on time, make them go top the doctor, call their mothers etc. ..

We both agreed yes, We would gladly do this.. We also said at some point it would be fun to live on the same property in our own tiny houses to help each other as we got older and as we died off, we would take care of whoever was left..

She is fighting cancer right now not even 50 and she reminded me yesterday of our promise.. I told her, my husband would be the lucky O., because I know she would take good care of my husband and probably not harp on him near as much as I do.

But she better give HER husband a heads up on our plan in case he needs to change the locks on their house. Hee, hee.

She is actually doing very well, so I told her "we need to start planning our layout of OUR land and living quarters. "

So far I have not posted a question and got blasted for it...phew! There have been times though where I have blasted someone or strongly disagreed and I am not the only O.. Then, the person that asked the question gets all pissy because no O. is on her side. I would think that if you ask a question and NO O. agrees with you or is telling you to do something differently that it would make you open your eyes a bit and notice that maybe YOU (the universal you, of course) are wrong..not everyone else. Then, just because we disagree we are called idiots or something close to that. That makes me a bit mad since I do not call people names...
So, I guess my answer is this...
Don't ask a question and then get mad when people answer. If no O. agrees with you then maybe you're wrong. (hard as it may be to swallow). Don't name call.
L.

I posted a question to a health site once concerning getting a diagnosis and treatment for my son, who I suspected had autism (He has since been diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is on the autism spectrum).

As part of the question, I listed his symptoms and the answers I got were everything from "he is being a typical boy" to "put him in an institution"!!! I was rather shocked but I guess that is the beauty of being able to share our opinions...then the choice of whether we consider or ignore the information they share is, of course, ours.

I knew in my heart that my son had autism and a few offered some good information so I went somewhere down the middle of the line to research my options in finding the best treatment plan for him but...

People definitely have different views on everything in life and you better be ready for anything if you ask a for their opinions!!!!

I always say, what I need more than anything is a good wife. Someone to clean for me, cook for me, and do my laundry while I take care of everyone else. =)

I think if the entire collection of posters is disagreeing with you, that might indicate that you need to rethink your initial position. I think where a lot of people get twisted about it is when they are more coming here for moral support, or to kind of have that, "YEAH GIRL!" moment, or to just feel validated. I think if that's the case it's really important to shout that out right up front. Kind of, "I know I am probably all wrong here, but I'm also super pissed and just need to vent. It would really help me to get support right now, so any support would be awesome and maybe not any bagging on me right now." You just gotta state your need up front.

Just because the majority disagrees, that doesn't mean you are wrong. In fact, throughout history, truth tellers and seekers have been persecuted for their unique perspectives. Most philosophers would even say that "the herd" is more wrong than not.

I agree with Tracy K. It seems that you cannot post a completely benign question without responses that make massive assumptions or read into questions issues that aren't there. I think it's a matter of thought process awareness and emotional intelligence. It's funny really.

Not only on this listing but also on our local town listing, I have asked what I thought was a simple, un-controversial question, and got some flaming responses in return. It seems no matter how carefully O. thinks O. worded the question, there can be unforeseen interpretations. Some responses meant to be funny are interpreted as serious for instance. I tend to stay with very specific questions for that reason.
I also think folks could be better about the title of their questions. I have clicked on questions and been surprised that the topic of the title seemed to have little to do with the content.
In general, I read a lot more than I respond to. I do find it very enlightening to see the viewpoints that range all over the place. It is an education to see what others think. I spend way too much time reading on this site.
Finally, I think this website should be upgraded to be able to step from question to question more easily, instead of having to go back to the "questions & answers" above or the "recently asked questions" to the right. Something like the big arrow >> to the right or left to step to the next O. would be great. I also would love to be able to sort them by date, so I can just look at all the questions asked a certain date. But, all-in-all, I find this site very useful.
PS: when people suggest websites or books I have several times found great resources I did not know existed.

I have been blasted before and yes I believe that it is how you ask the question but also that sometimes it is hard to convey the whole story in just a few words, so it can be very misunderstanding. And well sometimes I am just wrong. I was really affected by the people who blasted me on my situation, I was mortified that thats how people felt and also disappointed that people could be so mean to O. another. I feel that If you can say something nice then don't say anything at all. It doesn't mean you cant disagree but people on here a ruthless I guess they figure that since they don't actually see you they can just blast you a new O.. I have not responded or even read any of the questions lately because this is not a place that I want to be a part of with such people. I will find a new blogging site with compassionate people who are here to help each other. Good luck with all you question and "Kraft och Omtanke" it is sweedish look it up!

i think its all about how you ask the question. thank goodness i've never been blasted before either but i remember your question about sister wives (i don't think i replied at that time) and there's no way i would ever do something like that, but when you talk about it like having an extra "mom" in the house to help out, i'd be totally ok with that! :) but if you ask open ended questions, you;ll get all sorts of responses i think.