Hi moms,
My son is going to be 6 in April. He's a pretty smart cookie ;) He notices a lot. Yesterday we saw a funeral procession driving - they stopped traffic with police motor cycles so it was hard to miss. He asked, and I told him what it was. He asked what a funeral was, and I told him it was a time after someone dies that all the people that love the person get together to remember them.
This morning, he snuggled up to me after he woke up and said, "I don't want you to die, I love you." He wasn't crying or anything, just very earnest. I told him that I didn't expect to die for a very long time (barring illness, the women in my family live into their 90's and I'm in my 40's.)
He's a very fact based kiddo, likes information. I don't want to overwhelm him, but I want him to see it as natural and not fearful. Any ideas?
Hi P.-
I commend you for taking time to teach about death proactively...ie, before someone close to your kiddo dies.
I think "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" (by Leo Buscalgia..SP?) is a beautiful book to talk about death with children...and is open ended enough that you can discuss 'your' spiritual/personal values as well
I second One and Done's suggestion of Brian Mellonie's book "Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children". When my son was four and a baby in our community died, this book was so helpful in normalizing what was such a sad and unexpected occasion. (We *knew* it had been helpful just recently, when our neighbor's cat which my son adored died and he said "Well, Boris's time for living was done" very calmly. )
I think this book is actually good for any age.:)
There's a book called "Lifetimes: a Besutiful Way to Explain Death to Children" which explains about every living thing having a life with a beginning, a middle and an end.
If he's interested, stop at a cemetery and take a look around. Emphasize how people remember others after they are gone.
Good luck!
There's a lot of good stuff to be found on funeral home websites. Here's so good stuff I found on a hospice site: me http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html
I think the most important bit of advice I've found is to avoid using euphemisms like "they go to heaven," or "it's like sleeping, but they don't wake up." Little ones have a hard time understanding these.
I used to be a social worker before I had kids and I went to a wonderful training on How to Talk to Kids About Death. I wish I could remember who the speaker was, but I do remember one specific story she told about this kid she counseled who used to hide in the closet all the time because he was scared after his grandfather died. She had him draw a picture of what was so scary...he colored in the entire paper black, except for a pair of eyes. When she asked him about the picture, he said it was his grandfather "watching over him." So from there, she concluded that was what he was told after his grandfather died, and because he was so young, he took it literally and it freaked him out! Anyways, her point was, don't beat around the bush. Use basic words kids can understand, like death, dead, dying...other phrases we commonly use, like "passed away," "went to a better place," etc., they won't get.
