Repeat Kindergarden - Oklahoma City,OK

This won't be popular, but I have a child who was depressed. She was first diagnosed at 2, then again at 4, then again at 7 (first grade). At 7 we put her on a small dose of zoloft, and a week later we had a totally different child. It was amazing. She stayed on meds for about 2 years, we took her off, and put her back on meds about a year ago. She's pretty happy. It was a good decision for her.

As far as holding her back, holy cow, it's only November! Do these teachers know anything about kids and how much they change in 6 months?

How old is she? She may just not be socially ready for kindergarten...if that is the case, maybe she should move back to Preschool now and not repeat kindergarten. I personally think it is too early in the year to decide about repeating any grade.

Your child sounds deeply depressed.
Please find a child therapist and make sure your daughter receives the help she needs.
Start this rolling today. Call around and set up an evaluation.

It would be hard to pull her out of a school she has been attending all of this time, all of her little friends are there.

Your daughter will not be able to concentrate or participate in any higher level of learning until she can get through the emotional pain she is going through.

I am sending you strength.

If you get counseling, it will probably be better for your baby. Your negative energy is reflecting in her based on your fights and stress, tensions, etc and lack of time to focus on her. I have a nephew who is a bit older, but does the same non listening, don't participate type things in school which I know has to do with the fact that there is emotional disturbances at home. It is so tough on kids when mommy & Daddy are at odds. It's like their whole world is collapsing. See if you can show as much positives around her as you can and not fight in front of her, it might help. Good luck!

Why would you hate to get her the help that she needs? Nobody wants their child to have any problem, but there is nothing with any time limit for having a brain based emotional issue that requires professional intervention. Not being able to handle your whole world crashing around her while you fight with your husband and she deals with the new baby brother is not a character defect! I would suggest that you call a board certified child psychiatrist and get her some help, they will probably refer her for some play therapy, and if it is bad enough, she may need medical intervention. Depression, even when caused by events in our lives, is a very real medical issue.

When people feel bad, or feel extreem emotional trauma, it actually changes the brain chemestry which can cause depression and anxiety which are biological processess that are real medical issues. Address her emotional and psychological issues now, and don't heap on more by holding her back, this will do little more than to cause her to feel frustrated, feel stupid, become yet more depressed, and perhaps lose one full year of instruction such htat she is more at risk for academic failure. Children who are a year above age-grade are at high risk for full reading faliure, dropping out, drug use, and contact with the juvinile justice system once they get to high school. You have to look at how holding her back will effect her life, it is not a pretty picture and the data is very clear (although many people with kids who have been held back will give you glowing anecdote about this, the data is striking, next to socioeconomic status, being older than age-grade is the second most corelated variable to all the things I listed.)

Please put aside your fear of social stygma. She has an issue, get her help, just like you would for her urianry tract or pulmunary system. Insert the word "pee" for the condition you fear she needs help with, and see if you would feel the same. She can no more fix the chemicals in her brain that are making her feel bad than she can fix how her unrinary tract makes pee if it does not do so very well.

Flesh and blood. No shame. Get help. NAMI can help you get over your fears too, give the local chapter a call.

M.

Counseling at this early age might be just the thing for your daughter. Family counseling would be great, too, if you can swing it financially. It could give all of you new and positive tools, like communication techniques, for working with the problems you are facing in more positive and productive ways.

For young children, their parents and their families are the whole foundation upon which a sense of self and safety are built. If that foundation is crumbling, your daughter is almost certainly anxious, sad, frightened, and even guilty, and needs help with the huge burden of feelings she's experiencing. A good counselor will help her find new, less stressful ways to move forward emotionally.

It's great that you are committed to spending more time with her. And if you and her dad are airing your negative feelings in front of your children, please stop. That can do no good for any of you. If your daughter has too much stress to deal with, academics will simply seem irrelevant to her.

I agree that she needs to see a therapist if she is acting out like this, a lot more Mommy time and please don't fight in front of your children. My parents fought a lot until I was about 6 b/c my Dad was an alcoholic. I honestly can't remember any good memories until I got older, I just have the fighting stuck in my head.

I also wanted to say I hope things work out between you and your husband. I hope you two consider going to marriage counseling together before you decide on divorce. Good luck, M.!

You say her academics are great. Besides being WAY too soon in the year to talk about repeating, why would she repeat if her academics are great?

When my oldest son was in kindergarten he was a MISERABLE child. Not at school, just at home. Being REALLY into my kids it was very upsetting my child would have an issue I couldn't figure out on my own. I asked his ped for a referral to a child psychologist (my husband was dead set against this). It only took TWO visits with her to figure out the problem. She was wonderful, offered me SO much insight.

She suggested my son was exceptionally cognitively bright and needed more of a challenge. Turns out she was RIGHT (now 18 and away at an excellent engineering school on merit scholarships).

She suggested I challenge him more at home, not academically (which could make it worse, a BORED kid at school is BAD news). To make him feel like a more valued and important part of the family structure. He was given jobs, I started to discuss/solicit his opinion more....

Anyway, my point is, I agree with the other posters a trip to the therapists office can shed light on everything!

But keep in mind, yes kids are effected very much by new baby and marital issues, her age is VERY common for a behavioral problem phase, and likely won't be the last one.

Good Luck, and enjoy her!

It seems very early to be deciding whether to hold her back or not. The school year isn't even half done. I wouldn't focus on that issue but rather spend more time with her as you said and if that doesn't clear things up quickly, consult a professional. In terms of holding back, my sister and my friend both held their daughters back in K because they were just not adjusting great socially, behaviour etc (not academic). Both are very happy they made that decision.

First I think you should get your child in therapy for depression then worry about holding back or not later in the school year.

counseling probably wouldn't hurt

Lots of kids are academically ready to be promoted but socially, it's just not there yet.

The suggestion about holding a child back is not, I don't think, ever made lightly. Granted, it is not something that we as parents necessarily want to hear, but most often is made in the best interests of the child. It is NOT the end of the world if it happens. Some children are not socially ready to move on, although they may be academically ready. I disagree with your husband wanting to pull her out of her current school if it comes to that. That being said, I do agree as others have said that it is too early in the year to make that determination. Clearly there is alot going on right now that is affecting your daughter's behavior in school and, as you mentioned, also at home. I think your idea of trying to spend more one on one time with her is a good one - she needs to feel reassured that she is not the cause of the tensions in the house. Children just sop up everything around them - tension, stress, etc., but do not possess the skills necessary to process and cope with these situations, and they act out as a result. It sounds to me like counseling might be beneficial - for all of you - to work through the behavioral issues and help her feel more secure. Good Luck.

Is there another class that she can move to? Maybe she needs another teacher, if that is possible.
I also think it's too early to talk about holding back. Many of my teacher friends don't start thinking about that until after Christmas holidays.

I would have the school counselor observe her. If they don't have one I would find a local child therapist to come in and observe her during class and interact with her to get to the root of this problem.

As for holding her back...tell the teacher it's only November, how about we give her a chance to adjust to life and see what happens in the Spring, maybe March or April discuss holding her back then It's way too early to even think aobut what this child might be doing in 7 months.

This sounds similar to my daughter who is in first grade in public school. There was never an issue of holding her back as her IQ is 120. Her issue is discipline. I had her tested and she is ADHD and has Asperger's Disorder like her momma ;-). She seems social but doesn't really have any ongoing friends, just a lot of acquaintances. Her grades are straight A's. If your daughter has the same or similar, it would be federally illegal for the school to hold her back on that basis. My daughter was a perfectly normal baby and at about four-and-a-half she started showing the signs. Counceling is better than medication, although it has come to trying medication on mine. Good luck and be understanding of her issues no matter how small. To her, they are her world...

My daughter also has a half-brother who is a year old...has jealousy issues sometimes.

I am no expert on child behavior, but here is my 2 cents of a mom with 2 kids. My older son is a very well behaved child, but he will have bouts where he will get very naughty!!! Durring these bouts he never wants to talk about what is going on..... so this is what we have figured out!. first we punish for the bad behavior (take toys away, no watching tv, go to bed earlyer, etc...) when this does not work he gets a second chance to redeem him self (in phych we called it saving face). He gets a day out on the town with just dad or I. We go to a movie or the park... We start off talking about something light so like how fun the park was or what he liked about the movie.... then we I gently switch the topic to other things like friends at school or his teacher. We spent from morning until night just having fun out on the town and talking. I usualy bribe him with things that he hardly ever gets. We get lunch to go and part somewhere where we can eat and talk. I open up talk to him about what I am feeling as well or even storys about my childhood that we can laugh about. Anything to get him to relax and know that I just want to talk. durring this day anything he says he can not be punished for and he always knows this so will tell me a lot more about what is going on. things can bother kids that you never knew would bother them. My mom had cancer and we were trying to suport her and get her through surgery and everything else she was going through. My son got so naughty he just would not listen. When he had out day out on the town it came out that the day I told him my mom was sick, he had been naughty so he thought he caused her to have cancer!!! What a thing to have on your shoulders. I had not told him how bad the cancer was, just that she was sick and we needed to help her feel better, but when we got talking he know everything! We cried togeather and got everything out and he was instantly a good kid again!!! He was a kindergardener when this all hapened as well so I know now how much goes on in that head of theres. I hope all goes well and she makes is through kindergarden. If her school work in on track then you have some time to work on the behavioral stuff. Good luck!

I would say counseling, even though I know you don't like that idea. Sounds like her academics are on track, but she's having a hard time focusing. Maybe she's not ready for kindergarten, and holding her back is the answer. But I would try counseling first. She has a lot on her plate right now.
Good luck!