Relocating Child

You have the responsibility to comply with the court order regardless of what the other party does, until that court order is changed.

You need to talk to your attorney and make sure all your legal ducks are in a row.

You need to work with JAG on this one.

Given that you and your current husband are the stable family members, and your ex is not, I can't imagine him fighting a re-assignment.

Given what you describe of your ex, followed by " would never intentionally take my daughter away from him".....I personally and most definitely and intentionally would remove my own daughter from such a negative and horrible influence and move as far away as possible.

What are you thinking? That a girls love conquers all? That's insane. The exact opposite is true. She's going to look up to him and consider his choices as possible options.

Please, move far away from him. Thank goodness for the transfer.

You don't mention how far away from the Dad you are moving. That information would be helpful.

You need to talk to your attorney. It may not be a problem since you are primary guardian and its a mandatory move, not optional. Also, you could put in for an adjustment in visitation, again depends on how far you are moving. I have relatives that moved 4 states away. Their agreement was adjusted from every other weekend, to Spring Break, Christmas Break, and 6 weeks in the summer.

I doubt anyone would consider the military to be an 'unstable' job.

What it will boil down to is what's in the custodial decree. I know that my mom and her third husband had an X-mile radius that the custodial parent could move from where they were initially.

I agree with others: consult an attorney before you even have this conversation with your daughter's father.

You petition the court, present a modification proposal, and the court rules. Of course for that you will need an attorney.

Oh, yeah, you need to read your parenting plan! Mine says a 30 notice as well but only if you are moving locally. I believe under 30 miles. More than that you must modify your parenting plan because the visitation will change.

Look at it this way, the court has ordered he gets weekends, he won't be able to do that if you are too far away but he is still entitled to those days. The court has to decide how to shift them, more than likely he will get a chunk of time in the summer instead.

You need an attorney!

So much I would say here but document as much as you can that is going on with him to protect her, petition the court for a modification and as long as the ex doesn't try to fight you should be fine

I would talk to your attorney. There may be a specific provision for people in your situation. My friend's DH is in the military and she has been able to move with her sons several times, but I am not privy to what her court order with their father is.

Thank you all for your answers, to briefly sum up your questions. I am moving from Kansas to Mass. Pretty significant move. I know that my husband and I are the stable parents. I have not told my ex husband about the move yet, and don't plan on doing so until he receives his letter in the mail. I do have an attorney (JAG) we meet Tuesday to discuss everything and what I need to do. I really just wanted opinions from others to make sure that I have NOTHING to worry about. I have considered taking her away from her dad and only having supervised visits only. I moved away a year ago (two hours away) he threw a fit, but I stated that his visitation would stay the same and I provided all costs for transportation. I am not too worried about him fighting me for custody. He has a wealthy family who does not support him so I know they would not help with a lawyer. My only concern was that my cousin just got her child taken away for the same situation and it raised questions. I am not saying military lifestyle is unstable; but some courts do considering how many times a child is bounced around. I will keep everyone updated on what happens. Thank you all again for your opinions. I feel much better going into this than before.

We all have our personal thoughts on this one. But you do need to consult with an attorney or the JAG on post.

Being your new husband is military and provides a stable environment for the child may have a higher weight than having the child visit every other weekend. As you have not mentioned the distance of the PCS we cannot say what changes need to be made.

Good luck to you, your daughter and your move. Military life is an adventure in itself.

the other S.
Retired Miltiary Wife

You need to consult an attorney.

My husband wasn't military, but we did transfer with his job several times. My father's daughter and his family petitioned the courts to stop me from moving with her, but they were not successful. Her father didn't pay child support, his parents were extremely wealthy so he didn't have to work and there were no wages to garnish. Anyway, the courts didn't stop me.

However, because I was the one who moved away, I had to provide the transportation for the visitation which was modified based on the distance. In other words, every other weekend was out of the question logistically, but he got half Christmas vacation, Spring break, Thanksgiving vacation and several weeks during the summer. Fortunately, my mother lived close and we could stay with her. My daughter did not have overnight visits. It was a bit of a pain to have her there in the morning and pick her up each evening, but after a while, we just got used to it.

The distance really makes a difference. I'm sure the courts will just want to insure that your daughter will still be able to see her father and have a relationship with him.

Like I said, get legal advice and go from there. You may have to petition the courts if dad isn't okay with this. Get advice before speaking to him.

Best wishes.

The military is unstable? I wouldn't put it that way.

If you have to move, then you have to move. Your daughter will have to endure it. That will be sad for her, because even though she has a loser dad (based upon your description), I guess he's not a bad guy and she loves him.

I don't really know what your question is -- it sounds like you have no choice but to relocate yourselves and your daughter. Life throws things at us, and we just have to roll with them.

You are the stable parent, your daughter has to live with you. The state is highly unlikely to give your daughter to her dad, if that's what you're worried about. Are you worried that he will fight you for custody? Then you will have to get an attorney. If he won't fight you, you don't need an attorney, that I know of. I moved my kid across country from my ex (his choice to end the family), and we never had an attorney involved.

Do you have court-ordered custody? If there is a legal custody agreement, you'll have to ask her dad if he is okay with her moving and if so, file a Stipulation and proposed order with the court for a judge to sign off on.

If he's not okay with it, you'll have to go to court to ask the court to override his objection. I'm pretty sure you can't remove the child from the state without the permission of the other parent if there is a legal custody arrangement in place.

If you've never gotten legal custody, then you should be able to just go. If he wants to stop you, he will have to file paperwork to get the legal process started and then you will probably be on the hook to go back for court or he might even try to get a temporary order stopping you from taking her in the first place.

If you do go through the courts, if they give you permission to take her (which they probably will), you will probably have to agree to pay the cost of transporting her to and from visits with her father.

Good luck with your move!

I don't think you can move without his permission. You need to contact your attorney early Monday morning to find out. If you can't move your hubby needs to do traveling back and forth from his new station to where you and the daughter live.

Do you have a court order for custody with her bio-father? If so, the order should tell you if you can move or not. I had a friend who's order did not say anything about moving, so the mom moved with her kids (only 20 miles away), and the dad had to take her back to court to get that clause put in there where she couldn't move out of the tri-county area. AND, if you don't have a court order, then you can do what ever you want.

It definitely is not ideal to take her away from her Daddy...but you have to do what you have to do and if your new husband has got orders to move, then you have to move.

My only advice is to read over your Divorce Decree and Parenting Plan *very* carefully...there should be stipulations and guidelines in there on how you are to proceed when a out of state move is being considered.