Religion Pressure

I'm in a similar situation, although my children are not yet old enough to really understand anything or have pressure from other kids/parents. Having been raised in a non-active LDS family, my father feels it's his "responsability" to update the church on my whereabouts, but I've found that when they come knocking, I just say, as politely as possible, that I appreciate them stopping by, but I am not interested in the church and thank them for coming. They usually just say, "Okay" and leave (sometimes starting to close your door really gives them the hint or just don't invite them in). Occasionally I'll get someone who wants says something like, "Do you want to talk about it?" and I just say, "No. I'm perfectly happy with my choice. Thanks, though." And if they are offended, that's their problem, not yours.

And my feeling is, if they ostracize you or your sons because of your choice, that certainly isn't very Christian of them and do you really want your boys playing with their kids who's parents are raising them to be so closed minded? I'm sure your boys will find plenty of other kids (both Mormon and not) who they can be good friends with, just give it some time.

Good luck.

I just moved away from a neighborhood like that. That isn't the reason I moved, I did love it up there but there was that one factor. I would always kindly say that I have participated in "the church" at a time in my life and that it just isn't something that I feel helps my life in any way. I know that you feel that you couldn't live without it, I just don't feel the same. I let them know I appreciated their friendship and their children's friendship to mine and that I hoped that that could continue, but if we got together for those purposes that I did not want to have religion come up. They were all very kind and respected my request. I was blunt and stern when I requested it so they knew that it was just something I just didn't want to put up with. We still have that friendship even with my move. We and the kids get together every month!
Hopefully all those that you deal with will be respectful enough to you, good luck

R.,
I feel your frustration. The mormon religion talks alot about missionary work and trying to get the word out. Sometimes the message does not come across that way. If you would like the visits to stop, please just ask. You don't have to offend anyone and they should not be offend. Prehaps you can state that, you and your family are not at a point that you would like to hear about the religion, and then ask if they would provide you with information to contact the missionaries at a later date when your children do ask, or show an interest in learning more.

Each person has a time when they are open to listen and apparently this is not that time for you. My parents let me choose for myself as well. I felt this was a great gift that they gave to me. For may years I did not want any type of religion and that is prefectly ok. I was not baptised until last year (at 28 yrs old), because I was not ready and I did not feel pressure to do so until I asked and I wanted to know more and it became a priority in my life.

We were all given the gift of "free agency". This means that you choose for yourself. It is your job to protect your children's agency.

My mother visits with her home teacher, and upon her first visit established that she did not want to be given a lesson during the visits, and they respect her choice. They talk about their children, crafts, events that have happened in each lives. My mother has not attended church in 25 years, but she has a friendly relationship with the church and if she is in need of something she is able to call without obligation.

Hopefully you will get more messages that will state similiar thoughts. There is nothing I hate more than somebody preaching to me when I don't want to hear it. Instead of hiding or grining and bearing it, have the strength and compansion to just state that you are not ready for the message, but thank you for the offer.
Good Luck.
TRUDI

I would say be completely honest with the visitors, I was and they have stopped coming to my door. I am not mean but I make it well known both by actions and words that I am not interested. As far as kids go, there is really not a lot you can do, I grew up in a smaller Utah town and it was about 50% mormon and some parents wouldn't let there children play/hangout with me or my sibilings, but others did. I think that it is a harsh reality but possibly these aren't the people you want your kids around anyways. I think that people often do look down on non-LDS people but in that case we are the better people fo not letting it get to us, and just remember that not all mormon's are bad there just are some that have given them that reputation.

Not only am I not offended, but I think it's terribly unfortunate that you feel this pressure in your neighborhood. No one should feel pressured along the lines of politics or religion, regardless of where you live. I would do two things--restrict the activity with these kids while trying to create friendships with non-mormon kids that go to your kid's school. The pressure will only get worse as the kids get older, and you shouldn't feel that your child needs to be part of a religion in order to have friends. It isn't fair that they won't play with your child unless he is mormon. What kind of values does that teach your son? There are probably lots of kids outside your neighborhood in the same boat, and even if it means you driving him to play with them, it would be worth it. I am also a non-mormon, living in Utah, and I think you have to be just as aggressive as they are or they will never leave you alone. You might consider calling the bishop, explaining the situation, and asking him to tell the relief society pres, etc., that you have made your choice about your religion and don't want to be bothered to join. They don't know the meaning of the word no when it comes to religious pressure, and they don't know how to separate religion from the rest of their lives. You may be able to bring some of the kids back into your child's life over time, but I would probably try to find some new non-mormon friends for him even if you have to drive him everywhere for six more years! Good luck, give us an update on this situation; I'd be interested to hear how it goes.

As an active LDS member, I wanted to say that I think it's really unfair that you have to feel pressure. I do think you're right in saying that often members of the LDS church ostracize people which is really unfortunate, both because it doesn't allow them to associate with some really great people and it's the complete opposite of what our church teaches. No one should be offended by your not wanting surprise visitors all week long. If they are offended, it's their problem, not yours. The next time someone stops by, explain to them just what you have explained here. You have no ill feelings, but you do not want people calling or visiting anymore. Ask if you can count on them to tell both the Relief Society presidency and the Elders Quorum presidency so that they can make note of it. Or, you could call the RS or EQ presidents yourself if you wanted.

As far as your kids go... if someone won't let their kids play with yours b/c you're not LDS... well, they're just being stupid and immature and, unfortunately, there is no solution for that. You probably don't want your kids hanging out around people that closed minded anyway. I have a 3 year old nephew in Sandy who would love another little boy to play with (he's surrounded by girls). Send your little ones over there :)

Best of luck!