Religion and Play Dates?

Wait a week, then call & invite them over.

I don't think a child's mealtime prayer warrants this much space in anyone's head.

You did say they had a commitment Sunday afternoon and you were there past lunchtime.

Cue Frozen!
"Let It Go..."

I think you're over thinking it.

I wouldn't dwell on it.. Let it go.

i found friends who were very focused on christianity in the home became less interested in us when they realized that we aren't christian (well, my husband is, but quietly.) the boys and i are fine with it, but some christians aren't.
no biggie, really. i think it was hard on the boys, but only occasionally and briefly. we always found friends who were more accepting of alternate (or no) religions, and for whom religion wasn't the foundation of the friendship.
a simple grace over a meal wouldn't mean much one way or the other.
you opened the door for a reciprocal play date. if she declines it, move on. even in a new city i'm betting there will plenty of others.
khairete
S.

When I moved from CO to TX I was oversensitive to the same things due to a little culture shock. I don't think your religious (or political) beliefs are on other people's minds as much as you think.

Now (we've been here several years) I am friendly with everyone and open about my beliefs when asked. I think of it like being a good ambassador for progressives, lol. And I've made many friends who have varying ideological viewpoints as well.

My daughter was recently in Austin for a ballet camp for three weeks, and she also experienced some blowback for not being religious. All of her roommates were from Texas and gave her a hard time for not going to church. ("What do you MEAN you don't go to church? Aren't you afraid you'll die and go to hell?!") My daughter realizes, even living in California, that you can't really go around telling people your religious beliefs (especially if you don't have ANY), so she didn't tell these girls her feelings or beliefs, she simply did not want to go to church on Sundays with them. However, after a few weeks of the rude questions, she finally said, "No, I'm not afraid of going to hell because I don't think it exists. Have a fun time at church!" Poor kid. Anyway, from what I've heard, Austin is probably the best place to live in Texas if you're not religious. I wouldn't let this one experience get you down. Just keep trying! There are probably other parents at the preschool with a belief system similar to yours, or who simply don't care what your belief system is.

Please don't over think this! I know you are anxious to meet new friends but if the first person you meet doesn't become your best friend, well, try another!

You are assuming this person has impeccable social manors. She is human. She could have a million of her own flaws that might make the friendship impossible. Move on.

I am a devout Christ follower and I have friends who are non Christian. I don't go out of my way to make people feel different or excluded, in fact, most of the time it is the exact opposite.
If this lady did that, then Christainity is not the reason.

I know the feeling.

I'm a non-Christian agnostic living in the Bible Belt. :/

I have had several people who start becoming friends with me, then once they find out I don't believe their Bible it's BOOM! Friendship over. I find it sad because I try very hard to be respectful to anyone's religion. I was raised very religiously, so I know the Bible well. I have also studied other religions, so am able to discuss these religions in-depth with other people. I do not make a big deal over religion at all, but I don't lie about my beliefs.

Oh well. It is what it is. (Had to throw that one in there. ;) lol.) If people are really so shallow as to judge me based on my lack of religion, I don't really need a friend like that anyway. There ARE plenty of Christian (and people of different faiths) who are perfectly accepting of other faiths out there. Most only bring religion into it if you seem interested, or of you seem antagonistic toward theirs.

Of course, it is possible that she was upset about something else, and it is completely unrelated to religion. Maybe she was feeling bummed about the family member's death she mentioned earlier, and wasn't in the mood to think about future play dates right at that moment. I would keep the lines of communication open and stay friendly, give it a week, and try again... Then go from there.

I wouldn't read too much into it. It's simply impossible to know what people are thinking without coming right out and asking, which you probably don't want to do. Continue to be friendly and open to her and see how it goes. And keep putting yourself out there with other people, it takes a long time to make friends. I didn't really start making any really GOOD friends until my kids had been in elementary school for several years (through volunteering at school, working on committees, projects, etc.)

Not all churches meet from 11 to 12 on Sunday mornings. The fact you arrived at 11:45 means nothing. They might have been to church at 8:00 that morning, or 5:00 the night before. And....From the post there's zero evidence that they even go at all. She asked if YOU went and her son said the same prayer that he and your child, his guest, use at preschool.

I think you are overthinking this in a big way. She may have purely been making polite conversation when she asked if you had come from church. And SHE may have been making some wrong assumptions herself, figuring that if you were out and about on a Sunday morning, you were the ones at church.

If there's a larger issue for you with having friends who are religious, that's one thing. But if this was just feeling thrown off guard and being sensitive about "Uh, no, we don't go to church, I wonder if they're judging us for that...." then yeah, you are overthinking it out of nerves at being new in the area.

The idea that she seemed "less engaged" and did not leap at setting up a new play date could be down to her not feeling well, or having something on her mind that has nothing at all to do with you. You seem to be thinking it may be attributed to her somehow judging you--? She barely knows you so don't fret that she's letting religion or lack of it be "a limiting factor" in socializing with you. Lots of assumptions here on both sides, and sensitivity on yours, and none of it really necessary -- let the kids play, talk about preschool stuff, and don't worry if another adult is not super engaged every minute. She may also not know their schedule so that may be why she wasn't up for planning a new play date right away.

Sounds like she was just making small talk, and you read WAY too much into it.
A three-year-old reciting a prayer is like a three-year-old reciting the pledge. They don't really understand what it means at that age - it's just words that are a part of their routine. In the mind of the toddler who has been taught to pray before meals, you say grace before you eat, just like you say "bless you" when someone sneezes. They have no idea WHY people say "bless you" when someone sneezes," it's just something you do.
If the parents didn't participate in the prayer, then I would assume that it's something the kid picked up at school and wants to do, so they let him.
Perhaps she was just preoccupied with whatever her upcoming commitment for the afternoon was. Or perhaps she was grieving over the relative who died, but didn't want to deprive the kids of their playdate, even if she wasn't completely present in the moment.

They may or may not have been to church. They may or may not be religious. I would see how things go for a bit and maybe next time offer a Saturday playdate or to meet them at a park or summer event at the library. My daughter said grace at a friend's house, and they don't say grace and it was kind of awkward for a moment, but it was just a thing. No one was angry at anyone. Maybe once the playdate arrived, the mom was tired or whatever.

Frankly, there were times when I set up a playdate and found that I had nothing to say to the parents, so it was easier to have something to DO, like be at the splash park, where we didn't have to chat, til DD was old enough to be dropped off.

ETA: One way to make friends and find playmates for your kid is to look up a local Meet Up for families or attend family-friendly events. One of my best friends and I met because our kids were in the same library storytime. It's also a good way to meet likeminded kids/parents because you're into the same things. It's trial and error sometimes and sometimes it's not personal, but people are just busy. One of DD's best school friends has 2 working parents and by the time they get through the end of the day, there's no time for a playdate. We see them occasional weekends.

Hey Mama! It can be so hard to make connections in a new community. I moved to a new area as a new mom and felt discouraged at first. I decided to keep my heart open and reach out to others whenever I could. I started asking moms at library hour, swim lessons, etc. if they wanted to meet up. After many tries I finally found a group of friends. I am Christian but some in my group are not. If I were you I would ask that mom back soon and also approach some other moms at daycare and swimming. Hang in there and keep reaching out!

Sounds like she is using a Christian daycare. I wouldn't read anything into it beyond that. It's possible that this is the only religious thing they do (and the child was just exposed to the prayer at preschool) or that they are devout. I wouldn't assume this has anything to do with her behavior during the play date. Perhaps she was thinking about her deceased relative.