Religion - Shawnee,KS

If you know in your heart it is right, why are you asking us, or care what your in-laws think? You wouldn't have a single doubt, and you wouldn't be worried about what others think if you truly did know in your heart what is the right thing to do.

I think you are hesitating because deep down inside, you still value what the Catholic Church has to offer, but perhaps there are some things about church teaching you don't agree with, or understand and that is *perhaps* making you think the grass is greener on the otherside. Which is easy to do if you don't fully know what you're leaving. Instead of letting those issues fester, tackle them! There is an answer to every question and concern. Learning why may bring healing and spiritual growth. At the very least, you will not know for certain in your heart if you are indeed making thr right choice if you don't explore all avenues fully and make a truly educated decision.

I think some things (especially where spirituality is concerned) can not be explained. There is a mystery as to why we are called to a certain faith in the first place. For whatever reason, at one time, you and your husband were called to be Catholic. Your family is Catholic. And more than likely the Catholic faith has probably been a part of your extended family's tradition and customs as well. Even if your family didn't attend Mass regularly.

Considering your hesitation, and the fact that it sounds like the Catholic faith is an important part of your extended family's culture and history, this might actually be a good time to re-explore the Catholic faith with your child before leaving it altogether for another fatih. Sometimes for whatever reason when we are young we miss the message, or something happens that takes away the experience from us, and we lose our focus and get bored or discouraged. Or perhaps the parish community we belonged to wasn't welcoming. The beauty of the Catholic faith is the fact that it's many parishes and people are diverse. There is a place for everyone, and no one ever stops learning. There are classes and opportunities for spiritual growth for every walk of life if you know where to find it. Maybe you simply need to find a new parish community. One with young families like your own, and a younger pastor who has the energy and resources to motivate young people. Word of mouth in church communities is the best way to find the parishes where all of the young families go. A good guess is one with a parish school, and a parish center thriving with community and faith based programs and resources.

Here is a link to the Archdiocese families and youth page for a start:
http://archkck.imodules.com/s/1020/home.aspx?sid=1020&amp...

There is a person named Jeff Cavins, who was fallen away, but due to some pretty extraordinary events in his life found his way back to the Roman Catholic faith, and has brought literally thousands of other young fallen-away Catholics back to the faith through his lectures, books, and a school dedicated to Catechesis for lay adults not entering the seminary or the religious life who want to learn the faith and re-ignite their practice.

I suggest finding a Catechesis program through your local diocese or parish and try it again. You might be surprised to find the very thing you were looking for was right there all along.

I know many young couples who found their way back to the faith when they had their child baptised. What a beautiful and fulfilling experience to find this joy at such an important time in your child's spiritual life.

In the interim of checking out opportunities in your area, check out Jeff Cavins books or videos. The guy is amazing and he understands very well why young people today have become disillusioned with the Catholic faith...but he also has been a great bridge to those people because he has the gift of explaining the beauty and grace that the Catholic faith has to offer. If you're lucky, he may be in your area as he does often do public lectures across the country. To order his books, or see his schedule and his blog:

See: http://jeffcavins.com/schedule/
http://jeffcavins.com/

Here he is telling his conversion story on youtube.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdqHko5AfS8

I recommend the following Jeff Cavin books:

The Truth exposed: His story of conversion as well as several other Catholic converts and others.

Catholocism 101: The essentials for the journey CD

Well, there comes a time in life when we all must make the decision as whether or not to follow the religion (or lack thereof) of our parents. There is no benefit to the child if you go through the motions of having Catholic sacraments, but then having no other interaction in the daily life of the Catholic Church. It would be confusing for your daughter, and does not tell the truth of who you are.

You might want to prepare yourself by being ready to have a theological conversation with your in-laws once you tell them. If they hold their Catholic Faith very near and dear to their hearts, they will likely be baffled and want you to explain your choice to them (perhaps very angry.) Be prepared for that reaction, as it really will be seen as an outright rejection of Catholicism, and maybe even of them.

What is the best way to prepare? Think back to the Apostle's Creed--go through the articles of Faith listed in the Creed & how Catholics view them, and ask yourself if YOU believe them. Then go through the Church's teachings on morality--Humanae Vitae is a good place to start--find out what, if anything, you object to. Then go to the Catechism of the Catholic Church and do the same thing. If you get through those 3 sources and don't believe what is written there, what DO you believe?

If it isn't the doctrines of the Church that you find problematic, what is it? Do you have more of an emotional connection to the services at the new church? Is their pastor a better preacher--meaning more interesting and engaging? Are the people more inviting?

What is the Mass to you? Do you accept it as being the same sacrifice of Calvary? Do you believe in the Real Presence? Those are the vital aspects of the Mass that you will not be able to get at a Protestant service.

Good luck--it is a tough time, to be certain, and I pray that you can come to a decision that your family will be at peace with.

ETA: Laughing my head off at Mom22GirlyGirls's mention of "an ex-Catholic and his journey to become Christian." Umm....yeah.....ok....Catholics ARE Christian--we are just a specific denomination of Christian. Really? It is 2011 and we STILL have people saying that?

L.:

She's YOUR daughter.

If you have a church that you are excited about and involved in - GO FOR IT!!! Just because it's not Catholic doesn't mean it's any less devoted to God and His teachings, right?

If you have found the Catholic church is not working for you - and this new church is - especially since you already know you don't plan on going back to the Catholic church - let it ride, baby - let it ride!!!

Your MIL needs to respect your decisions....and your husband needs to tell HIS mother...not YOU.

GOOD LUCK!!!

I think your husband (or perhaps the two of you together) need to talk with his parents and get this out in the open. The sooner the better. I will not comment on whether I agree with your choice, because it is not my choice to make. Neither is it your in-laws'. But please be aware that this will not be simply a matter of 'you and your husband chose to cut her hair instead of letting it grow long'. This will be a BIG deal for them, so please be compassionate and try to be understanding of how important this is to them.

As a side note regarding Mrslavallie's "side note" below, not wishing to get into theological debate, please recognize the statement you made as specific to YOUR religious beliefs. Not all Christians or Christian denominations agree with that. And those that do not can also quote scripture that goes directly to that issue and conflicts with what you have stated. So please be cautious when you make such statements. It is not just the Roman Catholic church that holds that "...baptism now saves you..."

if you would like to raise her Christian and not Catholic, then I would go a long with your new church and how they do things. Someday your MIL will find out. It might be better to let her know sooner rather than later.

I am so happy that you all found a church you all love. We are still trying to find that ourselves.

Your husband should be the one to tell his parents. That way they can't blame you. I would tell them before she makes the dress because then she will be more upset. Reassure them of your salvation if that is something they will be worried about.

I think what God wants most for us is to find a place in which we can have the closest possible relationship with him. A place in which we feel free to worship and praise Him with others comfortably and openly. If this Christian based church is that place then I think you have found your church home. I would just be as honest with your in-laws and hopefully they will be understanding about your choice. Pray on it and ask the Holy Spirit to help you find the right words. God Bless!
A.

I'm confused. 10 plus years. how old is your daughter. Religious ed begins at age 4 for Catholics. and you need to have first reconciliation before first communium. first reconciliation is usually at age 6 or 7 at first communion at 7 or 8.

your decision, your choice. The grandparents are not in charge!

I know religion is very important to a lot of people. Baptising your baby is between you, the dad, the baby and God. You don't have to promise to raise any child in a particular denomination. When you chose that church you go to right now; the one that makes you all happy and comfortable is the path that God led you to. There are many different denominations, and only 'one' God. Your inlaws should understand that the most important thing here is that you and your husband are doing what's best for you and your family. They may be disappointed that you didn't choose the Catholic path. Try not to fret about this too much. Your life, your baby's life, and your husband's life is between you all and what God wants you to do. Not between anyone else.
It may turn out better than you expect when you explain this. You just do what's in your heart, not what you think everyone else will be happy with.

Your husband is the one who will have the main responsibility to tell his parents.
They probably will not be happy, but you have to do what is right for your family.
We had the opposite problem in my husband's family. His twin brother married a wonderful woman who was Catholic. She made it very clear he would have to convert. He had no problem with that, nor did anyone else except his mother. She was very mean about it. I thought she should just be thankful all her children were believers and attended church regularly.

Honesty is always the best policy. Really you don't have to explain anything to them. Bring your daughter to the other church, and if she is wanting a pretty dress, there is always Easter Sunday. :o)

This is a lesson learned for you and your hubby: Don't agree to parent your child based on what others want. YOU are the parents, you make the decisions.

I assume that your in-laws know that you are not attending a Catholic church, so they will probably not be shocked to hear that you are continuing in your current church.

Honestly, Christian is Christian. Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, etc. etc. - belief premises based on the Bible - the only thing that differs is the trappings of the religion - not the faith and core beliefs.

Ask you MIL to make a special dress for your daughter for the day that she becomes a member of the church on her own (not through your membership), have your own "coming of age" celebration and dedication at your church. There are many ways to "compromise" without switching churches or sending your child to religious instruction that you do not want her to have.

God Bless

First off, you need to feel confident in your decision. Even if you realize that it might not be permanent, you have to feel comfortable with the path that you are on and trust that you are always right where you are meant to be, even if it means that you move around a little more later. This decision does not have to be a permanent one, and you have to feel good about that.

I don't know how important it is that an announcement be made to them. Maybe you can have the discussion when they bring it up again. As you've heard here over and over, it's your call. It can be really uncomfortable to deal with your own spiritual evolution while having to account for it with other people. I wonder if you might want to hold off on the baptisms/commitments of your very young children if it's gonna feel like this every time you change with growth.

Hi L.,

In any Christian church we hope that we grow and learn. If your see that this church is teaching the Word of God, then embrace it. God gave you the responsibility to raise your child. Good, bad or indifferent, you are accountable to God and only God. Talk to your parents and explain....

God bless,

M.

Okay, you need to understand that this is your child and you need to do what you feel is best for her. If she is happier with you all at your church, what your husband's parents want should not matter. If they really love and care, they are not going to hold this against you. Things change. If you force her to go through things she will later regret, they don't have to deal with that...you do. I was a Catholic, not by birth, but I converted. I then ended up converting back because I realized it was a forced decision. I am much happier now and don't allow anyone to make that decision for me. Do what you know is right. It's only fair to your daughter. Stick up for what she wants.

Your husband tells them as gently as possible that your family has decided that this other Christian but not Catholic denomination is better suited for your spiritual needs. Most churches have a big To Do when a child is confirmed and the first communion, while very different than a Catholic first communion, can still be a memorable experience to share with relatives.

You need to do what feels right to you right now. I would explain it to them as compassionately as you possibly can. Show you can about their feelings. Consider writing a letter to explain it all so that they aren't put on the spot in how to react to what I'm guessing will be very upsetting information for them. But you need to do what you believe is the right thing for your family.

L., as hard as it will be to break this news to your husband's parents, you can't live your life for their approval. You have found a church you love where you all feel comfortable worshiping, and THAT is what matters in our faith foundation. I grew up Catholic, so believe me, I understand how hard this will be for you. I just know that I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I enjoyed worshiping in a different way than I was raised, and we're all praising the same God. Do what is best for YOU and YOUR family, not someone else's. Good luck--it won't be easy, but as long as you do the right thing, you won't regret it.

You do what your husband and you feel is the right thing to do, go with the Christian based church you all love, and forget about what your husband's parents think - you can't please everyone, and they are not the one's that will live with your decision, you are.

Just let them know that things have changed and you have made a different decision. They may give you the cold shoulder (expect it) but too bad, they will get over it soon enough if they ever want to see their grand child again.

Go with what you know is right. Do not worry what others think...even if they are your in-laws. You and your husband are responsible for raising your daughter to love the Lord and will be accountable for how you raise her. Both of you will need to support each other and if/when the time comes that you must tell his parents your husband should be the one to communicate it with them. He is the leader of your home and is their son. Of course you will support him. Yes, they may not like your decision, however your goal in life should not be to please them. Stand firm in your decisions, respect them for theirs, yet lead your family as you see fit. If you go back to a faith that you are not apart of and do not follow, simple for them, you will regret it. Sometimes the times in life where we have to make a stand, and are not easy" gains the greatest rewards. I know of couples who have been through this and now they can look back on the solid faith foundation they've built for their family! This too shall pass. Seek the Lord and His council. Keep your eyes on Him throughout this:)

As a Catholic who seems to have a hard time sometimes living the faith (though my kids are baptised, working on first communion, etc.), first of all, I understand. Do what makes you the best person you can be.

As far as telling the in-laws, for me, I would just start by mentioning where you've been going to church and something positive about it (really feels like a community, makes you feel close to God, whatever), and leaving it at that for awhile. If you keep bringing it up like it's just what is going on in your life, though it may be hard (I am having a hard time imagining doing this with my parents, I feel your pain), I think it would be easier than a sit down tell all confrontation. Good luck, and congrats finding something you love.

K.

Yeah that's hard. I think ultimately you guys (meaning probably hubby) need to just face the parents and tell them truth...that you are now converting to this other church and you will not be following the Catholic sacraments. You'll have to explain it to your daughter too which probably won't be as difficult, at least I hope, but you do have the whole dress thing to worry about, and that could make her cry! ;) My husband was raised Catholic and he agreed to marry and baptize our children in my church (Greek Orthodox) and his father was none to pleased with it. BUT...in the end I think that he is happy that we go to church, had our kids baptized, etc., and although he would have rather it be Catholic, he's still happy and still loves us!! Put on the big girl pants and get it done! ;)