Relationships - Olathe,CO

It takes 2 to make a baby. He knows this.

If he was so against it, he should have prepared himself with the big "V"

Another side to the story..... did you really want another and "forget" about birth control?

We have a neighbor going through a rough divorce because she wanted another, he did not, she was on the pill, she got on antibiotic - knowing the what if's with it and then OOPS..... EVERONE knew she wanted another and it was clear she attempted to trap him.

I AM NOT SAYING YOU DID THIS...............He has as much responsibility in this as you do. He needs to get a grip and realize that his dreams just changed and can be reached... maybe with a little more effort than he wants but give him a little time to realize the reality.

Try to give him a little space and communicate as much as you can.... it is vital to a successful relationship. Just wait til the teen years... we are going through that now! BOY what I'd give for some of the issues I had years ago vs now.

He needs to man up. Resent you? Last time I checked, you cant get yourself pregnant. He needs to grow up. But with that being said, why are you still with a man that you have been with for 16 years and have a child with, but hes not marrying you? He really needs to work his issues out and stop blaming everyone else for everything.

He needs a Counselor... both of you.

At least, even though it is negative, at least he is 'venting' and telling you what he feels. Even if it is... very harmful and hurtful and mean.

It is very selfish... of him... to talk in terms of "him" and "his dreams..." going down the dumpster. How... egocentric, to put it lightly.

This is life... and he has to deal with it..
He is a Man... and needs to step up.

How does he treat you overall???? Pregnant or not????

all the best,
Susan

If he is that selfish that he only thinks of himself, you really are better off without him. Move on if he won't treat you right. He made this baby too--so it can't be all your doing....sorry you aren't feeling loved or supported. Get some counseling---and take care of yourself and your daughter.

M

You've been together for 16 years, have an 11 year old and are both in the prime of your childbearing years and he "can't deal"? Well, then he should have gotten a vasectomy! Maybe he needs to go to therapy or something, but it basically sounds like he needs to man up instead of looking for a way to weasel out. Unless you want to have an abortion, then he needs to find a way to get his head around it. I might have a *little* more sympathy for him if you hadn't been together your whole adult lives with a child already. He does understand that sex very often = babies -right? It's a shame if he's having a hard time with work or something, but by his early 30s he should be well on the road to these "hopes and dreams" -enough so that one baby in an established relationship isn't going to ruin it all. Maybe you should find a couple's therapist.

get counsoling right away to save the relationship

unfortunately, you've just stumbled on one of the main reasons women have abortions: emotional blackmail by a partner. This isnt something YOU did to him. This is a child you made together. It sounds like he needs to see a counselor. And dont let him make you take all the blame for this, you did it together and it's your body and your baby. A baby wont "ruin his whole life," which he should know as you already have one.

Wow. So sorry. He DOES realize it takes two to tango, right? That he could have taken some responsibility for birth control?
Your "loves" true character is being revealed in a stressful situation. How sad. Pressure makes some people stronger, and others can't rise to the challenge.
Maybe he could talk to a counselor?

I totally agree with Sara B.

In addition, how did he treat you before the pregnancy news? I mean REALLY think about it, be very honest and realistic. I have a hard time believing a loving, respectable man who treats you well, would all the sudden start acting like this. I wonder how much he emotionally manipulates you and controls you. He needs counseling. The good news, is you are in control over this situation. YOU can choose what is best for you and this baby. Ask yourself very seriously, is this emotionally blackmailing man, what's best for you and your children?

I feel just awful for you. What a terrible situation. Sounds like he is just as scared as you are about being pregnant, and maybe he just doesnt know how to properly express himself. He might be scared of how he is going to support you all and is just taking it out on you. Just a possibility.
Still, it isnt fair to you, especially now being pregnant. It takes two to get pregnant not just you so he shouldnt be resenting you for it, and definatly not the new baby.
If he truly is the love of your life, and you two have been through so much together, 16 years worth then I dont see why you cant work this out.

Sit down and just tell him everything you have been feeling, if need be sit down by yourself first and think about exactly what you want to say to him, and even write it down to get it all out. You will feel better. Think about what you expect, want and need from him as your love, a father, and your support. Then write down and talk about what he wants and expects from you. And what you can do together to make this right and put you all back on the right track.

You just need to be honest and up front, no beating around the bush if it is to the point you arent talking. You need to get out in the open what you feel about each other. Say "What are WE going to do to make this better?"
Need to work it out as a team.

Just say everything with love, so he doesnt feel attacked, and dont say you did this, or I do this, just be mindful to say "I feel that..."

Everything will be okay, try not to panic or worrry just yet. Just do what you can to work it out.

aw sweetie, you need to ask yourself would you not resent HIM for bullying you into getting an abortion? Could you live with that?

Get counseling. If not together, than just you, but don't delay it another minute.

Stay strong and don't lose yourself.

Wow! This is rough. Maybe you need to get to the root of the problems he is having. It doesn't sound like being pregnant is the reason he is so unhappy, it just put him over. Maybe it is money, maybe he is not where he thought he would be in his career, maybe he is too heavy. Who knows, but he needs to figure it out and being with him for so long, you need him to figure it out. You have a little person on the way that needs a solid family base.

I would try a couple of things. First try to make his life super easy at home so when he is there he feels no pressure. In other words, make him nice meals, ask him about his day, compliment him, etc., keep it even keel. I have always found that this makes my husband calm down and feel at peace. After a few weeks you may see him open up some more and talk about specifics. I have found that my husband needs time to process and if he feels chaos at home he clams up and get crabby.

Once he starts to open up, maybe talk to him about seeing someone about it. It could be as simple as going to your regular doc. He may just be experiencing a chemical imbalance. If he is open to it, you may even want to see if you can get him to go to some counseling. It seems that people lack a lot of tools to deal with life in general, especially since it is not as easy as we all grew up believing with the American Dream and all.

For you, the biggest thing to remember is you need to keep you cool and stay calm. You have to protect that little baby inside you, it is a big responsibility but such a blessing to have. My mother always reminds me that we can only control how we behave and have no control over others, however, happiness is contagious so push for that, maybe it will help.

Good luck to you. = )

P.S. My husband and I just had baby #4 and he was reacting the same way. Didn't think he could deal with it, couldn't figure out where the money was going to come from, just a wreck. I focused on keeping the pressure off him and today he is much better. I think seeing that beautiful little baby and a peaceful home helped him cope.

I'm going to assume that your pregnant with your partner's child. That said, he needs to man up! You didn't get pregnant by yourself! Having another child, especially so far apart, has to be totally scary for both of you. Unfortunately, that's the risk we *all* take when we have sex - at 16 or 60!
There are options, should you both choose not to keep the child - but I do think there has to be some serious conversation. I would suggest counseling for the long term - short term seems like you'll need some time together to really talk (and listen) about where you are, where you want to be and how to get there.
I am very sorry that he's taking this so badly! I'm sure you're just as scared as he is (make sure he KNOWS that!).
Good luck!