Rekindle the Love?

I go through phases. We have alot on our plate financially and emotionally. I have to remember he feels like a failure because we are struggling to supply the basics right now. I have to tell myself that he is trying to be the better half right now. And that means he will be gone longer during the day. He may be worn and grumpy when he gets home. And that when he tells me no to something I really really want he is not doing it out of spit. It is out of love. He has turned into the ''thinker'' in a tough situation. Which had always been my role. So, it is all about growing and being able to give up control. I go through my wave of feeling resentment and bitter'ness towards him and I just have to keep in mind everything he is doing is for us and to better us. I must not loose sight we are a team.

I dont know if i hit this one. but it is my hearted answer.

ooh E.:

You got your wish - now it's not what you want? urgh....

this is marriage. Life has ups and downs - ins and outs. it's NEVER easy nor is it EVER a fairy tale happily ever after ending.

Take a step back and take in all the pros and cons - his best and his worst. You FINALLY got the man you wished for and now it's not good enough? I don't understand that.

I know there are times when I look at my husband and go "URGH! I Can't take this - not another day - not another day!!" then he does something that just makes me goooooooooooooooooooooo ahhhhhhhh - it's NOT ever going to be "perfect" - it will be what you make of it. If you decide you are not in love with him anymore - then it will be what you make of it. If you find all the positives about him - you will find yourself in love again....but keep in mind - my parents have been married 53 years - they have stated on numerous occasions - they don't like each other - then the other will do something and they are high schoolers again....attitude is everything...seriously...

Some people don't want, what they want. Just what they can't have.
Once they get what they want, they don't want it anymore.
Its too boring. The other person, then 'becomes' too boring.
There is no chase anymore.

Before I got married, I felt like that with a couple of boyfriends.
Its sad. For them. For you.

Once you are married, this is not dating anymore.
This is commitment.
You don't just jump ship.
Marriage is up and down.
Good and bad.
Up and down some more.
Improvement.
Mistakes
Imperfection
Seeing a person for their warts and all
Never ever is it 100% total romance and being swept off your feet everyday
It is life.
It is marriage with the person you chose...to marry.

My Hubby & I have been married 13 years. Lots of rough patches.
Currently, I believe, we really have matured... and my Hubby has grown-up a bit and 'became' lots more... improved in himself and toward me. That is HOT. I really LIKE him more now... and love him deeper.
He also puts up with me. And I put up with him.
It is give and take.
For now.
For later.
But there will always be... ups and downs. Lately things have been great with us. For now. Again.

Why do you not love your Husband?
Has it been before or after he changed, for you?
How long have you been married?

I can't answer your questions but...

I have to say that falling out of love for whatever reason and then being able to work through your issues and find love again is wonderful. It's such a mature thing to be able to do. Good for you. Too many people give up too easily.

It's common to have ups and downs, I've had similar feelings and contemplating separating a few years ago. We decided to fight for our marriage. Work it out.... anything is possible.

I hope these two very short (like 3 minutes) videos can help:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

Many people treat love like it is just an emotion that you feel but love is a verb. It is something that requires an action. It is a choice your choose to make every day. In my study of the Bible I have learned in the Greek there are three words to describe love. One type of love is brotherly like Philadelphia. Another type of love is passionate or romantic in nature. The third type of love is unconditional. It describes the type of love that God has for us. I love my husband with that kind of unconditional love.

We dated in college and broke up shortly after graduating (we were both young and dumb). We tried to work things out but couldn't get it together. He married someone else and I remained single. He had a horrible marriage but stayed for 10 years. His ex-wife divorced him. We had fallen out of touch but he hunted me down and found me but we still couldn't get things together. He had too much baggage from his marriage he needed to purge and I had too much baggage from being single for it to work but we kept in touch.

I had given up hope on anything serious ever happening between us even though I loved him and I knew he loved me. I was just emotionally depleted from having my hopes and dreams of becoming his wife dashed to the rocks one to many times. I was resolved to just get on with my life and try to make a real relationship work with someone else. That's when he finally came around. He began to show me he was serious about having a future with me. Even as we were planning to get married I still didn't think he was serious, I was trying to prepare myself for being disappointed again. When we picked up our wedding bands for our ceremony, that's when I finally began to know and think he was serious.

We have been happily married for almost 2 years and it has been the most wonderful thing that could have happened to me. Just now I'm really beginning to unwind and relax into this great marriage and relationship we have. I really do love him unconditionally. We have a very good relationship. I've loved this man for over 20 years.

If he's changed that says tons - he WANTS to be a better person, spouse, father, etc - and sometimes it's hard to watch people change - even when it's for the better.

I know - sounds weird - but I hear ya. I think when they start to improve themselves all of the sudden it makes you look at YOURSELF - and wonder if you really are good enough? Perhaps before it was easy for you to be with him because you felt superior to him? I know I'm guilty of that - my dh is so worthless, lazy, no good, etc - and I'm doing EVERYTHING!!! It's almost like now the emphasis is on YOU to improve - and that is a scary concept.

Don't walk away. Anything worth having is worth fighting for - and I definitely think marriage falls into this category. You truly loved him once - go back to that time and really THINK why you felt that way. And yes - marriage and love is about ups and downs - but if you can get more ups than downs - you are succeeding.

Good luck