The Five Love Languages - Youngstown,OH

We have been married almost 12 years now and recieved it as a shower gift. We have read it and use it and refer to it a lot, especially when we are talking about dealing with others. If you are trying to use it tit for tat wise it will not work. It is also not a rescue book. The ideas are great to help with communication and learning to speak the others language. It takes work to impliment the concepts but it is well worth it in the end. It is such a good book that I have given it at each shower I have gone to. There is a seperate one for kids too but the concepts are pretty much the same.

I love that book. My husband read it too. It helps if you're willing to "speak each others languages". Another book I've found to be helpful is "The Love Dare"... Whether or not you're christian the principles in the book are sound and really the behaviors lasting love is based in.

Best wishes.

A better book to read together is Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. It takes out all of the excuses and teaches couples how to respond to each other and there are little tasks to do as well. It really helped my marriage when we were going through a rough patch. I like 5 Love Languages, but there is going to be a lot of non-essential stuff that doesn't hit at the core of your marriage and it isn't really a 'fix' type thing.

Also, these two videos are about healing marriages and how to treat each other, they are only about 3 minutes long but so wonderful. Watch them together and make a commitment to each other to work on things and be more loving and caring:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

A friend gave it to me right before our wedding. I read the book and though my husband didn't really feel keen on reading the whole book, I summed the book up for him in conversation over lunch at La Madeline's, and we took "the test" together. It actually was pretty helpful, especially for just starting out. I think some people aren't really using the book as well as they could though; it's not just about learning to understand your own language, or that of your partners, and hopefully doing things that make the other feel loved, but also in recognizing and appreciating what someone does as an endeavor to show love even if it's not "my" language, and receiving that as his love. (If you want flowers, and he's in the workshop fixing a mailbox or toilet, smile and be happy with the fact that he's showing his love for you by fixing things, don't just say "hey! my love language is that I feel love when receiving gifts!", ya know?
I think this book is a good start. Other books people have mentioned are good as well.....if you're marriage is on the rocks, perhaps you should try a relationship rescue type book also. And NOT to pick on you, but sometimes we do things that we don't realize we're doing and a counselor could call you out on things that are not helping (like saying "I never ask you to do anything, so please take this serious" is something that I would view as manipulation or guilt tripping, and I would react negatively to something like that).

We both read it before we got married and it really has helped. It is nice to know what I need to feel loved and how I can help him to feel loved by me. Once you have both read it sit down and talk about what you think your love language is and what you think his is and try out all of them for a week or so to see which one fits best. Good luck.

Our counselor suggested it so we both read it and found it helpful. I highly doubt that my husband would have read it if I had suggested it to him--maybe but he isn't really a reader. I don't think it is the magic answer. I agree with the other mom who said love is work and not to follow your emotions because they are DEceiving! I've also heard wonderful things about "Love Dare" as the other mamas mentioned. I will add two other books that might help you--"DNA of relationships" (I think it focused mostly on me as a wife and my choices) and "Love and Respect" (I haven't read this but plan to get it as soon as I can get to the book store or library). Essentially, the later book talks about how men feel loved by being shown respect.
I don't know where you are with God, but I would suggest you do two other things as well. First, look into some counseling. Keep looking until you both find someone who can really help you because not all of them are a good fit for your situation or personalities. You can find cheap or free counseling at churches too. Second, I would pray for your husband. I started doing this around Christmas. It is amazing how it has helped both of us see more clearly. And praying for him has helped me see where I need to change. And if you're even remotely interested, I would look into the Weekend to Remember conferences. I didn't want to go and I don't think my husband did either, but a friend kind of nudged us there. It was totally worth it. Again, there is no magic answer, just a lot of focused time and effort.
Anyway, you should be really proud of yourself for recognizing the need for change and working on yourself to change.
Blessings

Yep, we've read it & enjoyed it. I think it makes sense and can let you know how the other person *feels* loved. BTW - in my opinion, love is not a feeling - it is a verb. Our feelings lie to us all the time - how we live & what we do show love. By that little statement, can you guess Acts of Service is my language?! I personally couldn't care less what a person says; it's what they do that matters. My husband is ver much a Words of Affirmation kind of guy - he needs to hear it.
I'll second the book, "Love Dare" - excellent book & the movie Fireproof goes with it if you want to watch it.
I'll also second, "Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands." Guys are different (duh) and we can't/shouldn't expect them to act like women - this book sheds some light on how what makes many men feel loved.
You can only change yourself, not your husband; but I can say that the vast majority of the time a change in you will result in a change in him. Hope you guys can find a better way to relate to one another & feel the love!

If you are a SAHM, check out "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Although I don't agree with everything, it gives some good insight on what husbands need. Good luck!

We have both read it.
My problem is when I am not being wifely he brings the book up to "blackmail" me. "I did this and that just like the book said, your supposed to do this for me," Not the point though.

It's a great book! You can think about your kids when you are reading the descriptions, too. I think it's very insightful and helps us understand others. I would strongly encourage him to read it & then for you both to share your answers to the Love Language quiz. It'll get both of you thinking about the other's love tank -- and it'll provide good opportunity later for future discussions.

Yes read the book , loved it and it did help us. But like anything, it is work to keep it up daily speaking the lang needed for your spouse.
There is one for children that is great too.

I don't think it is a 'save my marriage' type book but it is GREAT to learn the best way to show love and appreciation to others. My husband and I read it together while we were still dating and it really is a great book to help understand others and yourself.

I have never read this book, but I just wanted to say good luck to you, and what a great thing it is to take the first steps to heal your marriage.

I have a friend who would sit and cry if her letter from her mother didn't have a dollar or two in it. She felt loved by her mom thinking of her and putting in that simple little monetary gift. Her family was very well off in the hay days of old Hollywood, mom was a Vogue model, dad was a investor in movies and such. She felt loved by the giving of gifts. Her husband had bad self esteem at the depth of his heart. He only felt loved by being told he was doing a good job. Everyone has issues that interfere with how they interpret being loved. I need acts of service. I think actions speak louder than words and if they loved me they'd pick up their things and help keep the house cleaned up more.

I read it, I didnt think it was that great. People keep raving about it. I def dont think its going to fix a marriage. I know it said my husband needs praise or something and I dont even remember what it said about me. I thought it was cheesy.