My three and half year old has recently been refusing to pick up her toys. I have tried many forms of discipline and seems to be willing to accept any of them. She is sad but not sad enough to change her behavior. We have been doing timeouts and just recently I told her if she can't take care of her toys. That we will either give them to someone who can or put them away and save them for when her sister is big enough for them. And she is okay with that. In fact she helped me pack them up. She won't put them away but she put them in a trash bag to get rid of. She has knowingly lost some of her favorite toys. Her attitude is so care free. I am at a loss. She is being very verbally disrespectful at well. My mom thinks I am being to hard on her. But my moms house is a disaster and she never s tells my daughter no on anything. Any ideas?
I have also taken away TV privileges unless her room is picked up and she gets no new toys. We garage sale every week so she gets told no all the time on new toys. And I remind her that she will not be getting new toys until she takes care of the toys she already has.
I am really encouraged by your answers. She is down to only her Kitchen set with a few of her dishes left. the rest have been put away. and a few other small toys and a few stuffed animals. And her sisters baby toys i/e rattles, jumparoo. I also have an extensive collection of educational toys but we only get them out one at a time and always clean them up afterwards and only if her room is picked up. I save all of the super fun toys for when she has her room picked up. Sometimes she does pick up other times she chooses to miss out on fun stuff.
Do I let her not pick up and miss out on fun stuff as the discipline or do I take I go further with it and make her do it. Some of my friends suggest saying the clean up time is before meal/snack time and we only eat when our work is done. But my husband thinks that wrong. He says we should't starve our daughter as a form of discipline. I don't think its intended in that way. The point is hunger motivates and if she is hungry she will work hard and get the job done.
Also I have always been very specific with what toys I want her to pick up. With pointing and simple and specific directions. She likes to pretend she can't see them. Even if she is looking directly at it.
She is getting better. But She normally has to sit in time out several times. She has so few toys left there are only a few to pick up
at a time.
My mom says she is going to being emotional scarred from losing her toys and I am just going to make her stubborn.
She is very well-behaved other then this. this is my first big issue with her.
My nearly three year old does similar. Sometimes I just take him by the hand and hand-over-hand use his hand to pick up the toys. He gets annoyed enough by my physically making him do it that I tell him I'll stop if he does it by himself. It usually kick-starts the process and once he starts, he finishes.
I might not be the best person to answer, as I don't regularly require it of my boys. When I do require it, it's usually with a reward immediately following. "Ok, time to pick up toys so we can go outside." "Anybody want icecream? We need to put our clothes away first. Let's do this together."
I am beginning to require more, as my oldest has started kindergarten. Still, it is something we do together. There's always one area we're cleaning up, and it's something doable in less than 5 minutes. As the kids get older, I plan to require more of them. I don't know, I guess I just figured they can just be kids during those toddler and preschool years.
We have had the same problem here. When he refuses, I pick up whatever is on the floor, put it in a trash bag, and bring it to the basement. If he can prove to me that he is cleaning up the other toys for a few weeks, he can earn back the stored toys. It works for several weeks, then he becomes lax, so we do the same thing. Lather. Rinse. Repeat :)
I have a 15yr old and 13yr old and 7yr old that wont pick up their stuff. LOL Pick your battles. do it with her. I have great kids, life is too short. yest teach her she needs to pick her stuff up. but really what happens when she does something worth punishing.
"Her attitude is so care free."
Honestly, there's your answer right there!
She doesn't really care about having a lot of toys, so she'd rather get rid of them than have to pick them up all the time, good for her :)
Don't take her to garage sales every week, leave her with dad or another family member. New toys? Out of sight, out of mind, and you will have less clutter and drama at home. Save the shopping for birthdays and special holidays only.
She's probably overwhelmed with stuff.
She needs a minimalist approach.
Only let her have 1 or 2 toys at a time and swap them out once in awhile when she gets bored with them.
The rest stays out of sight until it's time for their rotation.
If she doesn't care about them being put away, then that right there solves the problem. Keep them, but keep them put away for now. That was her choice. I have said it many times before and other moms on here are probably thinking-here she goes again-lol-but Jim Fay's Love and Logic books really work! Especially for this type of thing. I have a 2 and 3 year old, but I like having order in my house too. Give her choices such as "feel free to pick up the toys you want to keep." Set a time limit like 5-10 minutes tops. What she doesn't pick up just quietly pick up and put away. Don't even say anything to her until she notices that they are gone.
You can make a game out of it. Sing the clean up song (we sing Dora's clean up song) while picking up toys. For plush toys that won't hurt anything if thrown, have her practice tossing them into a basket or sort toys by shape, size and colors. If there is an overwhelming amount of stuff, put some of it away in big storage bins and stow away in the garage or basement. Rotate them in and out on a weekly or bi-monthly basis, so she doesn't get tired of them. What is old becomes new again! If she truly doesn't care about the toys anymore, pack them up and let her help you take them to Goodwill or a local shelter. This is a fine teachable moment to show her how she can help others that would appreciate what she has outgrown. Stay consistent with your solutions and she will come around sooner or later. Good luck!
A.
I think children should learn to do 'chores' and pick up toys but after many years and many children I think sometime it could be our attitude or voice that make the child not want to do things. Not always but it's worth a try. Try to make it a cheerful command and not so demanding and even start out helping if you want to. I think very few children will just plain refuse if you have a positive command instead of just a command. Maybe you are doing that already or maybe you don't realize you're not doing that. It's worth a try. My grandchildren respond so much more to this approach than me saying 'Pick up the toys'.
Don't let it be an issue - if she doesn't pick them up in a reasonable amount of time walk in with a trash bag and ask her to pick the ones she wants and put the rest in the bag. It worked with mine at the same age. Usually once mine started he picked up everything. There are bigger issues on the horizon so choose your battles carefully. In our neighborhood there are a lot of kids so they can make a mess of his room - if they get away with out helping him pick up then I help him - but I threaten them with their lives if they don't help him the next time!
Whatever isn't picked up, goes in the trash.
Stop buying new stuff if she doesn't take care of what she already has... My 7 year old is NOT materialistic and it really doesn't bother her if she doesn't have much, she'd rather be outside playing with sticks and dirt anyway!
Don't fight it if she's not into material things :)
Yes, she is three and CAN pick up all of her stuff but I wouldn't want to go through all of the punishment drama at that age. It sounds like she doesn't want all the toys and clutter, forget the weekly shopping. I liked to work together as a family for her room, toys, sorting laundry and stuff when my daughter was younger. It gave us time together to accomplish something and taught her my expectations.
