Refused to Sit in Timeout

When my kids we very young and refused to sit in timeouts, we brought the old car seat in from the garage and set it up as a timeout chair. The 5 point harness held then in whether they liked it or not. I never had to use it longer than a week or so before they got the hang of staying put.

It sounds like she is testing the boundaries. The fun part of parenting is the fact that our children are constantly changing, and constantly testing us. The best advice is just to keep putting her in time out, even when she gets up. When she gets up start her time over, and make sure that you're not putting her there too long. children have a limited capacity for understanding punishment, and especially that young, they can't remember what they got put there for if the time out is too long. The general rule I've heard is 1 min for every year old they are. Also make sure that when her time out is up you discuss with her why she got put there, that way she knows and can hopefully learn to avoid it in the future. I don't think that her new attitude has to do with her grandma's comments, probably more to do with the age she's at. They love to test the limits and make sure that what was not okay yesterday, is still not okay today. I hope this helps, and good luck!

When my daughter was 3 she went through something like this. I found that I needed to sit in the time outs with her on my lap. It wasn't a friendly/snuggly sort of lap sitting it was much more firm and controlled. I would hold her, but not interact with her. She absolutely hated it. I had to resort to this off and on until she was about 5. She is pretty good about time outs these days (she is 8), but I would return to it in a heartbeat if it was required. Granted I know kids that this would not work for, not even a little bit so I guess it all depends on your kid.

PS -She sounds pretty normal. Kids are supposed to push the boundaries. The fact that you stand firm and remain predictable will be very reassuring to her in the long run. But in the meantime they can make me want to tear my hair out.

I had the perfect little boy until he turned 3 1/2.
Then he became a strong willed child. He would do something over and over again. Drove me nuts. Keep the rules going until she gets that it is not acceptable. Good luck!

Hi Tee

From personal experience and from wathing Super Nanny, I encourage you to keep your cool and make sure you enforce the time out, no matter how long it takes. From your message, I think Grandma was trying to enforce your authority, but maybe your daughter interpreted Grandma's comments as meaning you shouldn't be listened too. Plus, I've noticed after raising 3 kids, that everytime they spend the night, have friends over, or go for a trip to visit extended family, they always test me afterwards. Keep your cool and stay consistant...

We are dealing w/ the same battle w/ our 3-1/2 daughter. I have to say I don't think it is the terrible two's people should worry about ... 3 has been much more difficult for me!
So to deal w/ the time out issue I do not start her time until she sits & faces the corner (no talking also). I have also moved her up to her room & made her lay on her bed for her time out when she is just really fighting me.
We also started talking to her a lot about choices that she is making when she starts misbehaving & the consequences her actions will bring.
She has had favorite toys taken away for a period of time. We don't allow a lot of daily tv time but we have taken that away too.
The other thing I've started is rewarding for good behavior. Nothing big & not daily but when I feel like she has had a lot of good days. Plus we always let her know when she has been especially good. Telling her how proud we are of her, etc.
Good luck! Please pass on anything that you find works for you too. Can never have too many ideas for those stressful times!

I used to spend a LOT of time at Grandma's house when I was little. Her rules were so radically different from my mom's that I found myself confused when I went back home. It may be for this reason that she is acting out.

Talk to Grandma about the rules, and see if you can agree on things. That might help.

Also, kids go through times where they are good, and times where they are testing the waters. It's normal.

That's the same age my little angel started talking back, too. Read "Parenting with Love & Logic", take their course, or rent the video or book from the library. Very important to learn this NOW! I was able to nip that behavior in the bud right away.
Good luck!

HI,

Im a cook / teacher at a daycare the children are any where from 7 weeks old to 10 years old I work with the 1, 2, & 3 year old, if the don't do what they are told I put them in a time according to age 1min for the 1 year olds and so on I put them on the floor between my legs and sit with until the time is up. yes they try to get up but I put my hand gently on their head and tell them their is not up yet. hope this helps.

Get an egg timer and set it for one minute for every year she is. If she is 3, set it for three minutes. Put it where she can see it. Set her in the chair and tell her she can get up when the timer rings. If she gets up before the timer rings, the time will start over. The timer gives her a visual, so she knows how long she has and it shows her what you mean that the time starts over every time she gets up. The whole thing could take hours at first. Be consistent and patient. She will get the idea. Also, avoid feeding her sugar. I don't care what they say, it does effect their behavior.

Try http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/

It is very hard to train a child to obey you when you aren't with them all day but some is better than none. Time is out is a joke to a kid. Their misbehavior is worth the punishment. The above site is awesome and I have 4 obedient kids to prove it:) Good luck!

I'm a big fan of John Rosemond, a child psychologist. His website is www.rosemond.com. He has a number of parenting books. You want to get her attention and make an impression, that you are in charge (putting her to bed an hour early, or putting her in her room for an hour, or no tv for the rest of the day... something that would mean something to her). If she is testing it's because she doesn't know where you stand, and will keep testing until she figures out where you stand (so if that isn't clear, she will test forever).

Tee,

I agree with the other posters, she's testing her limits to see where they are. When you put her in timeout make sure it's 1 minute for every year of age. Put her there and keep putting her there until she stays, every time she gets up her time starts all over. We've had my son in time out for nearly 2 hours before because he wouldn't stay in time out.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

We have time out troubles similar to this. You may not like my response but i want to through it out there. We have ended up having to sit with him in time out. It is a pain but he hates it even more because My hub and I ignore him the whole time. And then after his timeout we look him in the eyes and say now brody why were you in timeout. He has to tell us why and then he can get down. If he doestn tell us why he sits there until he does. I know it is probably babying him to much by making us sit with him but he doesnt do it anyother way. He is not getting anymore attention from us for it since we ignore him. we just do the sit with him thing so that he knows he has to park it. at my moms house he doesnt get the luxury of someones company and that works there for them but here is different. You just have to stick you guns. And she will come around to understand it is not a playtime. Good luck, and remember they wont be three forever and this too shall pass!!

Hi,

You didn't mention if you were opposed to spanking in any circumstance. We believe in occasionally spanking for acts of pure defiance when nothing else is getting through. My daughter went through a phase like your daughter is and we helped bring her out of it by giving her a choice. "Either you sit down for your two minute time out, OR you get a spanking and then you still have to sit down for a two minute time out." It didn't take her long to figure out that she would rather comply. Perhaps if you don't believe in spanking, you could find another, equally dreadful, option for her.