My son just turned 7. Sometimes he gets down on himself about schoolwork and his own behavior.
I'm trying to find the balance between being genuinely encouraging and complimentary when he's doing well (catching him being good) and correcting when things are not so good (picking a fight with his sister, being defiant). But I'm not perfect.
Sometimes he gets so down on himself, he spirals into "You don't love me. You hate me. You think I'm stupid. etc." I've never said these things but apparently from how we (his family) have said things, reacted to things, etc., he's gotten that message.
He's bright, funny, clever and has lots of good qualities and I want some strategies for helping him hear the good stuff but to understand that we aren't attacking him when things aren't so good.
Has anyone read any books that help parents raise their child's self-esteem and also help them look at ways they might be inadvertently hurting their child's self-esteem?
He sounds like a perfectionist. And like any child/human... he is affected by remarks others critique him with or when he is always 'compared' to others.
If you go to Amazon.... there are MANY books about raising boys.
Just put in the search words "raising boys" and many will come up AND you can read the reviews of it all, there.
www.amazon.com
all the best,
Susan
Look at the Love and Logic dvd's
A lot of this is typical developmental 7-year old behavior. Look into this book: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Seven-Year-Old-Life-Minor-Key/...
Keep on catching him at the good stuff. Try to avoid empty praise - be specific about what it is that he's doing that you like, and show that you're paying attention by noticing details. And keep reminding him how much you love him. Try to spend some one-on-one with him.
When he's down on himself about something specific, set up opportunities for success. If he's had a fight with his sister, maybe you can help him figure out a really good way to make up to her.
Raising Boys, James Dobson
http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/docstudy/bookshelf/a0000...
I know he is not a teen yet, but I recommend "The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers" by Gary Chapman. It sounds to me like your son is misinterpreting messages, and that is often because we as parents do not communicate in our child's love language.
My 8 year old is very much the same way! Hopefully it helps you a little bit just knowing that he is not unusual. There is also a 5 Love Languages for Children, which may be a better fit for a kid your son's age.
Dr Sear's "The Successful Child"
There is a book called The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian is good.
here are some sites with info:
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem...
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/self_estee...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t061500.asp
Books:
1) http://www.amazon.com/Mind-at-Time-Mel-Levine/dp/0743202236
2) http://www.amazon.com/Stick-Up-Yourself-Personal-Self-Est...
