Recently Divorced - How Do You Split Time for Holidays When Live Close By

Our divorce decree includes a schedule spelling out who the kids are with on each and every holiday (except for Easter, but we've decided that whoever has the kids on MLK jr Day will also have Easter weekend) Winter holidays, one parent has then from the beginning on winter break until Dec 26, then the other parent gets the kids until school starts back up. The next year we switch.

I don't think it would be very fair to the kids to make them spend the day running around to see ppl, at least I know *I* wouldn't want to break up my holiday like that, I like to relax, spend quality time and have fun.

When my ex-husband and I divorced, we shared the holidays. We were adults for our boys who were in high school. We were cordial to each other and made it as nice as possible.

Now that the boys are grown and on their own? If the boys are in town, we meet up. It's been 6 years. He's remarried. I like his new wife. We are nice. His parents STILL consider me part of the family and when his sister and father died - I was there. Just as I was when Nana and Papa died....

At first it wasn't easy. But we put our feelings for each other aside and focused on the kids.

I would ask for holiday trades - Thanksgiving with you. Christmas with him this year. Next year - Thanksgiving with him. Christmas with you...unless you guys can put aside the divorce and differences for the kids...

My ex spends the holidays here with my family and our children. If he has a girlfriend, she's invited too. Even though we are not longer married, we are still a family. At the beginning, we just figured it out as we went along. I always start Christmas on Christmas Eve, so everyone has a chance to celebrate in more than one place. I can celebrate Thanksgiving on any day of the four day weekend. The point is to have a nice family meal whenever it works out.

I agree with you needing to meet the girlfriend because you need to know the people that are in your children's life for safety reasons. She should be comfortable enough to contact you in emergencies, recognize you, etc. so approach it from that side of things - that you are working together for the kids' sake.

You may not like the idea of not being with them on the holiday itself, but this is not a hill to die on. It's just a day. The kids will love the extended holiday they get out of this. As a child of multiple divorces, anything you can do to have a polite interaction with your ex is a bonus.

If there's a way to do a multi-day holiday where everyone gets fun, for example: you have x-mas eve, dad has x-mas, you ALL do the 26th, it could be quite fun. I know it's possible cause my parents had a civil relationship. One year we all even went on vacation together - mom/kids + boyfriend/kid + dad - and I remember it very fondly and was old enough (about 15) to be VERY proud of the adults to be able to do this. Believe me, how you and your hubby treat each other and your kids now will have an impact later. Good luck!

my husband and his ex-wife have 2 sons, who are now 17 and 18. One year one of them had them Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning, then they met up somewhere between 10 am and 12 noon, and switched off - then the other parent had them the rest of the Christmas Day and that night. Then the next year, whomever didn't have them Christmas Eve the year before had them Christmas Eve that year. And I just went along with it because I figured it was between the 2 of them, and we just wanted the kids to be happy and be able to spend some times with both parents on Christmas Day.

If the new girlfriend doesn't like the idea of you "messing up" her day, that's just too damn bad...she's the one dating someone with an ex-wife and children from that marriage, she needs to learn to suck it up and act like an adult. This is between you and your childrens' father - not her.

I truly believe that once the divorce is done and things have calmed down that he will mellow and things will get back to normal.

If your papers decree what the visitation is to be you have no choice. He can say no and you can't do anything.

I think it is sad when kids are put in the middle like this. My ex and I do the hoidays together whenever possible. He has 2 of our grandkids, I have 2, and the foster family adopted 2, our daughter still has one. So when we do holidays we have about 20 people to schedule around. But all 7 kids getting to be together is the most rewarding thing in the world. We all live in different towns but in the same area of the state. So it's not like having to travel all over the country.

I hope things work out for your family in the future so conflict is less and life is smoother.

I am inclined to agree with your husband. One of you should have Christmas Eve and one of you should have Christmas. You two are divorcing and even though you may live close to one another you will lead separate lives. It is going to be hard on both of you since you both are used to being involved in the daily interactions of your children. Your husband and you should be able to spend quality holiday time with your children with out having to shuffle them back and forth. Allow your husband to pick them up in the evening on the 23rd so they can wake up with him on Christmas eve and do presents and then have him return them to you after Christmas eve Dinner so you can have them wake up with you on Christmas day. Just rotate every year so one person doesn't always have Christmas. I am sorry you are going through a divorce. My heart goes out to your family. Happy Holidays!

My daughter is divorced and shares the kids and I am a nanny for a family. I will tell you how both of those families do it.

My daughter and her ex got divorced when the baby was 3 months old. he is now 7 1/2 older kids are 9 and 11. they set the holidays down in the divorce papers and it has not really been an issue. They split the little ones (4th of july , labor day, memorial day and valenitines day) equally. easter is almost always my son in laws as he gets them on saturday nights. Thanksgiving is my daughters but the son in law still comes lol. he usually shows up about 2 with the kids if it was his night before or without the kids and then takes them with him. one year my daughter took the kids to disney world for vacation but the ex son in law came to thanksgiving with his girlfriend. (some people find that weird but our family is kind of like a cult lol once your in your in he always brings his current girlfriend for us to approve before taking them to his own mom lol)

the kids I nanny for have a schedule that the mom has 3 days and the dad 4 days then the next week the mom gets 4 days and the dad gets 3. the schedule is on the fridge a month in advance. if its her day she gets them at 5:30 and brings them back the next morning to me. all switching is done at the dads house (he is who I work for) so they come to me each morning i get them ready for school and out the door then back to me after and the switching happens later in the day. but I digress. they split the holidays exactly. she gets them one he gets them the next year. so last year he had them for christmas eve and over night this year she gets them christmas eve and over night and then they will come back to him for their christmas. sounds like a pain but it works and these are the most well adjusted kids I have ever seen.

when I was a kid my mom and dad got divorced when I was 7. we had thanksgiving always at my moms house. my dad brought his new wife and we all had dinner together. christmas eve was at my dads house and mom brought her new husband along. christmas day was my moms house. we did it that way until I was married and had children of my own and started our new traditions. If i was you and it is his turn I would allow it and don't make the kids feel bad about it. you are divorced from their father they are not. If he gets them christmas eve you do something fun with them before hand. go see christmas lights and hot chocolate etc make it a tradition. then over to dads and then back to you at like noon so you get part of the day. and then the next year just flip flop it.

forgot to add something lol. my daughter and ex have a rule that whoever gets christmas eve night has to have them new years eve night as well lol. so its a fun for christmas eve but you can't go out or have to get a sitter for new years if your going out.

I tried sharing holidays, but my ex husband cried and acted like an idiot because I wouldn't take him back so that didn't work out.
We traded days. For instance, one of us got the first part of Thanksgiving vacation and Thanksgiving day until 2pm, and the other had the child from 2pm Thanksgiving day through Monday morning.
I personally think it sucked doing it that way, but at least my son got to see both parents. There were many times on my year to have the first part of the day, my ex let my son stay later so he could have dinner. We always made a plate of food for my ex. He has no family in the area.
For Christmas, one got the first part of vacation and Christmas eve/Christmas Day until 2pm. The other got Christmas day 2pm through Monday when school resumed. The way the vacations worked, it was inevitable that one person got a shorter amount of time than the other, but it usually worked out the other way around the next year.
It's tough. I just made the best of it. My son adapted fairly well although it was really hard for him to want to leave a big family gathering to go with his dad. He loves his dad, don't get me wrong, but when he was really little, he wanted to play with his cousin and the other kids and all the multiple grandmas and grandpas and my brother in law who he adores. Arriving to that situation at 2pm gave him all afternoon and evening to have fun. LEAVING at 2pm was a little hard on him.
My daughter had quit going with my ex because he wouldn't stop telling her that I threw our family away, etc.
Last year, my daughter was expecting a baby and after 14 years of divorce, we all had Thanksgiving and Christmas together. It was kind of awkward, but really nice. I spent Christmas Eve at my ex's house. My son and I slept in the living room and watched A Christmas Story together like we do every year. After he fell asleep, Santa put some surprises under the tree for Christmas morning.
We had a lovely breakfast, began preparing the meal and getting ready for my daughter to arrive.
The baby is here now so we are doing the same thing this year. My daughter might even stay Christmas eve. We'll see.

For many years, we traded off and didn't see our son on Christmas eve, but we both had him on Christmas day with the 2pm changeover.
Sharing kids isn't always easy, I can tell you that.
Maybe suggest the 2pm thing.
None of us want to be away from our kids on the holidays so the adults have to make it work for the kids to have an easy time of sharing and getting a little of both parents.
After a while, it becomes a routine and things just work the way they work. It's really hard at first though.
Since you do live so close, I hope you can work something out that makes you and dad, and especially the kids, happy for the holidays.

Best wishes.

When I met my husband, he had his daughter every single Christmas Eve (all day & night) and Christmas morning until 10am.

When we almost divorced (thank God we reconciled), we were to switch Christmas eve & Chrismtas day every single year. For example, if I had our child one Christmas Eve then I would have to drop him off Christmas Day at 9am. Then next year my husb would have gotten him All day long on Xmas Eve and I would not have gotten my baby until Christmas Day at 9am.
Fair? Yes.
Torture? Yes & unbearbly so.
The girlfriend needs to stay out of it like I did w/my husband and his first wife & child.
Tell him nicely but firmly since you are their mother & father it should be decided between the two of you.
There is no reason (you will not interfere w/her day....she needs to go along w/it) you cannot share each day w/o the court having a say in the matter.
Appeal to HIS senses. It's for the kids, it's about the kids.
Whatever lawyers decide......you can always come up with your own strategies that work for you.
Sharing both days equally is ideal. You live close to each other.
Appeal to him this way........say "this way: your girlfriend only has to have them part of each day.".
Good luck, hang in there, think positive & see yourself working together to figure this thing out.
Good luck sweetie. Much love sent your way!!!!! :)

I don't have any advice about the holiday sharing, but did want to comment on something that struck me as very odd about your post. Why wouldn't you meet your husband's girlfriend or anyone that spends time alone with your children? It is your right and duty as a mother if you ask me.

Best of luck to you.

When I was young my father would have us for Christmas eve one year and our mom would have us Christmas Day then the next year our mother would have us for Christmas eve and our dad had us for Christmas Day. We all lived in town.

Then when our father remarried.. They never had children and they moved about 300 miles away close to her family, so we did not spend Christmas with them on the actual day, instead they would come into town at some point during December, before or after and we would celebrate at that time..

Now, my sister and her husband have been divorced for about 6 years.. and they swap years.. One year they are with their mom for Thanksgiving and with their Dad for Christmas.. The next year they are with their dad for Thanksgiving and the kids with their mom for Christmas.

The main reason is that their father flies up to see his parents that live out of state and takes the kids with him on his Christmas year..

Mothers Dy they are always with their mom and for fathers day always with their dad.

They live less than a mile fro each other so it makes it easy if the kids want to see the other parent at any time. that is fine. But it is still very difficult, still lots of hurt feelings about birthdays, vacations.. I wish my sister would think back on how our parents fought and we hated it it, but my sister is worse than they ever were!!!! She infuriates me.. She makes it such a battle.. The kids are so stressed when there has to be a discussion about this stuff.. They just want everyone to get along.

I know there are a lot of hurt feelings, but please try your best to always think of the children first. Think of what they need. I PROMISE they will appreciate it when they are older..

My ex and I live a 5 min walk apart, and here's how we split the holidays: First of all, we're Jewish, so most holidays have more than 1 day, up to 8 days for some of them, so for those, we just make sure to split them evenly. But Christmas has become significant for both of us at this point -- for him because his family usually gets together anyway because everyone has the day off, and for me because my husband's family is Christian and so we spend it with the. So, we've decided that one of us gets our son for Thanksgiving, and the other for Christmas. The following year, we switch. Yes, it's hard, but it's fair, and he doesn't have to bounce back and forth on any particular day.

I think that if we both actually celebrated Christmas, we'd possibly do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other, but that makes it impossible to travel to see family, or anyone else.

I am not separated or divorced, but I have spoken to many of my children's and grandchildren's friends who are from a broken home and they do not like having to go from place to place all the time. THEY would prefer to have the entire day at one place. So, if you will consider what would work best for your kids, let them have the entire day with dad. I know the day will be extremely hard on you, but that comes with divorce. It's not easy on anyone!

Keep in mind that you don't *have* to celebrate the holiday on the exact date. Once you accept this, it is much easier to work things out. My hubbys ex has their daughter this year thurs and fri. We get her 9am sat until school on monday. then next year it will switch. So we are having Tgiving dinner with all of us on Saturday...no big deal. And for xmas, luckily both my ex and hubbys ex agreed to let us have the kids EVERY year on xmas eve until 9am on xmas morning and then they pick them up and have them that day. My family opens presents on xmas eve so this worked for all of us. We have xmas dinner on whatever weekend we have all the kids back. Whatever you guys decide, make sure it has the TIMES on it. Like it says "from 8am to 6pm" or something like that. That way there is no way you can argue about it. And make sure you schedule school holidays and 3 day weekends as well. Its called the "parenting plan" and should be part of the divorce. Good luck.

The thing that stands out most to me is that you haven't met the girlfriend yet. As a parent, there's no way on God's green Earth I would allow my young children to be in a home where I don't know someone.

As for how to split, you need to work something out that works for you, him, and your kids. I can speak from a divorcee kid as well as a married woman with in-laws. Holidays were always full days, and I liked it better that way. There was no interrupting the day to go to the other house. We could just sit and enjoy that parent for that day.

As a married woman, my in-laws always celebrate holidays ON the day. My family is more lax, and it's more the meaning of the holiday vs the actual date. Living 3000 miles away often dictates when we celebrate now. Last year, we got to travel to Ohio to see our families. This year, we're not so fortunate, as flights are ASTRONOMICAL!

Part of divorce is learning to let go of control, and it's HARD. You may need to sit down with your ex AND his gf and work out something that works for now. It may change later, but there's not much you can do if holidays are in the papers from the court. Compromise and working together will go a long ways toward showing your kids that just because their parents aren't married anymore doesn't mean they can't and don't get along.