REALLY Picky Eater, Age 3...how Do I Undo the Battleground?

Just from my own experience, my kids get tired at night, not to the point of yawning but they just have less energy reserves for dealing with new things.

Can you move dinner time up? I honestly think my daugher at that age would have been happy to eat at 4:30 and go to bed by 6.

another way to look at it would be to make Lunch what you would typically think of as dinner and make dinner more of a lunch for her. I'm not saying pb and j at 6 pm and steak at noon, just try to get the bulk of her protein and veggies or experimenting with new food in when she is happier at lunch time.

... My son recently turned 4 years old.
SINCE he was 6 months old when we started solids, he has been, a VERY picky eater.

This is how I tackle it:
1) at least your girls eat fine for breakfast and Lunch. My son didn't. So be glad.
2) I do NOT have eating battles nor fights with my son, despite him being SUPER UBER picky. Because, I 'choose' not to battle it.

3) My approach is: this is how he is. I KNOW that about him. I, cook what I cook, I don't go out of my way to make entirely separate foods for him. I encourage but I do NOT "expect" him... to eat like me, or my Husband or his Sister. He is him. My son, despite this... is very healthy, and in the 97-98th percentiles for growth and weight.

4) I prefer... that my children know what their hunger cues are and their feelings of "fullness." I DO NOT want them, to (a) eat out of fear or punishment (b) to eat just to please me (c) to eat, for emotional reasons....

5) If my son does not or will not, eat from ALL 5 food groups for EACH and every single meal... then so be it. It does not bother me. Because, I know... that even adults and the most perfect parents, do not necessarily eat from every single food-group for each and every single meal.

6) At my son's age currently... he knows himself and his palate and HIS cues... very very well. I am Proud of him. AND even if he is picky and/or is not totally hungry at meal times... he does eat with us at the table even if it is only 3 bites of 1 food. AND... the main thing is: Meal time... is a positive time... with the Family. He does not 'dread' it or battle about it nor does he fight about 'eating.'
That is how, I would want him to be.
NOT just 'eating' to eat nor just eating to fulfill a statistic or quota.
I know MANY adults, who do not eat, hardly anything interesting, at all.
My son, now, per him... has NATURALLY grown to like many different things. Recently for example, he likes white peaches... and he loves Artichokes. Great! But I did not force it on him. He asked for it... on his own.

I am, proud of my son. But yes, he IS a very picky picky eater... and he will NOT eat.... unless HE is hungry. He does not eat, just because a clock 'says' it is dinner time or lunch time or breakfast time. That to me, is good. He goes by his body's cues... and he knows, himself.
And most of all... he and we, do NOT battle about food. Eating, is a peaceful happening. We choose it to be that way.

I don't bribe or scold or punish or offer rewards or incentives for my son to eat.
I don't have to.
He, has NATURALLY evolved in his eating... and as I said, despite his Uber picky eating...he is very healthy and grows like a weed and is very bright. So I don't worry... about 'controlling' his eating at every juncture.

all the best,
Susan

This is my advice--relax. Stop making this a power struggle. Its food, she's not going to starve. Make one dinner for the family. She gets one serving of everything, unless she eats it all, she gets no seconds of anything. If she eats nothing, that is fine. No junk or snacks of any kind during the day. When she is hungry she will eat at meals what you have made. Don't argue or plead. Sometimes I go easy on my daughter if I know she is not going to like something for dinner, such as when we are having steak--I purposely make her a PB & J. Why waste a steak and as long as she is eating something healthy, what is the harm? I am not a short-order cook though and normally just make one meal everyone is expected to eat. I found that when my daughter gets no treats or junk throughout the day, she eats a lot better. Dessert or treats is reserved for after dinner when she has eaten a good meal. Your daughter sounds normal, just keep offering it and maybe she will change her mind one day. As long as you aren't allowing her to eat junk in place of the good stuff--she will not starve. Get some of those gummy vitamins too and you won't be as concerned with her daily intake of veggies. Your other option is just to automatically make her the thing she likes every night such as the oatmeal or a PB & J. Thats not too much trouble and you won't waste food she doesn't eat. As long as its healthy its fine, kids don't need all the variety in their diet that adults do, some are happy eating oatmeal and fruit 3 times a day...I know my kid would be =)

time to stop the fight. Her diet is excellent for the rest of the day.....there's no need to continue this battle.

Do not accommodate her at dinner time. If she does not eat what you have prepared....the plate goes in the frig. If she's hungry before bedtime, offer the dinner plate again. Do not give in.....whether she cries, vomits, etc. Stand firm.......& she'll learn that you mean business.

This is not harsh, this is not cruel. Her diet thru the rest of the day proves that she is capable of variety, thru both taste & texture. This is probably not allergy related, nor a behavioral disability. & it can be stopped.....without raising your voice or punishing her. Put that plate in the frig, tell her you love her & the food is available when she wants it, & move on to your next task. There have been times when I have had to wait until breakfast to serve that plate......& that's not gross - kids love pizza & a lot of other foods at breakfast!

Consistency & patience.........Peace!

PICK YOUR BATTLES!!! she will nine times out of ten grow out of this pickyness, so if she eats only certain things...give them to her. eating something is better then not eating at all. get you vitamins if she doesn't like those try the bubblegum ball vitamins and go on about your business. I used to go through all that nonsense until my mother helped me to get wise! good luck.

Here's what I had to do with my daughter-

Schedule her food- ie breakfast 8AM give her a choice between 2 foods.
Make the one she chooses. Don't give her fluids upon waking- let food be the first offering.

Snack 10am- offer some fruit/cheese with a carb of some sort (again- offer between things- let her choose, and make what she chooses.) give her milk if you do dairy-

12 noon- same thing-

3pm- same thing-

dinner- let her have a plate of small portions of what everyone is eating for dinner.... she'll pick what she wants to eat.

The idea here is to not become consumed with making her every meal in the house in hopes of her eating more than 2 bites. You're creating the battle. Give her structure, and allow her to learn to expect to eat at certain times. Do NOT fight her over food. There is little in the life of a toddler that the toddler has any control over besides food and potty.

If she doesn't eat what she picks in, let's say, 20 minutes, let her know you'll be tossing it in 10 minutes. Make sure you turn off the tv and remove distractions. Make her eat at the table. (build a routine)

There are barely any toddlers in the world that would starve themselves by choice. JUST GIVE HER OPTIONS (it gives her the feeling that she's in control even if you really are), don't hang out all day waiting for her to devour something, and just clean it up and toss it when meal/snack time is over.

Good luck-

I might add- that punishment for not eating will backfire on you every time. PRAISE her when she eats well. Model good eating for her. Give her time and just keep trying, trying, trying. She will come around eventually. Don't turn food into a fight- studies indicate it can lead to eating disorders later in life, and increases a child's tendency toward obesity.

You are trying waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard to control her behavior. If she doesn't want to eat, don't force. She'll be hungry enough to eat whatever you put in front of her eventually. Just make sure she gets water/fluids AFTER you offer food.

Oh- and keep your reaction to her not eating as a NEUTRAL expression, and not emotional. When she eats her food tell her "________, wow. Mommy is really proud of you choosing to eat your meal!"

oh- as for the veggies- go to your local babies-r-us or toys-r-us and look in the food section for these little pouches that resemble capri sun pouches (http://www.plumorganics.com/for_baby_pouches.php) and leave a few in sight for her. She'll probably be curious- tell her "Oh, _______, that's a special treat.... I doubt you'd like it, though... It tastes waaaaay too good..." If she shows interest give her a pouch. My daughter sucks them down like water.

If she likes pasta so much when you make a red sauce- use a can of hunts sauce, paste, and stewed tomatoes- add pureed carrots and zucchini (or whatever other veggies)... They cook down into the tomatoe sauce and are virtually undetectable by kids.

Poor mom, poor daughter. You are so right that making food a battle is counterproductive. Can you eat when you're upset? Me neither.

Lots of parents report that their children "refuse to eat." It's a completely normal stage, and by itself is usually pretty harmless (though less than ideal from a nutritional point of view), and in spite of their parents' deep anxiety, their kids aren't wasting away. In fact, many of the same parents mention that their kids are in the normal weight range. They are just very, very particular about what they would choose if left to their own devices. It's so common that some development experts think it may be a way for kids not to poison themselves by sampling every plant and bug that they can get their little fingers on.

Understandably, parents get anxious about their children not eating enough, which often leads to mealtime battles, which in turn can lead to long-term food issues, up to and including serious eating disorders. An unfortunate few toddlers are cursed with eating problems that do call for medical intervention, often associated with sensory integration issues. Have you considered, with the gagging, that this could be a problem for your daughter? Kids this age can be genuinely disgusted by certain flavors and textures, and that reluctance to try various foods can last for several months to a few years. Imagine a hostess offering you grasshoppers and sheep's eyeballs at a dinner party (gasp, choke, gag…). And then force-feeding you or putting you in time out.

My 4yo grandson isn't much of a mealtime eater, and usually has only the scantiest appetite by the end of the day. Dinners are often his smallest meal, and he doesn't suffer from hunger through the night. He's never been much of a self-feeder, but if he's engaged in interesting conversation or a silly game, or even watching the occasional video directly "after" dinner, he'll sometimes accept bites of food from his parents, which they offer because he's on the skinny side. During the day, he is usually willing to "graze" on high-quality snacks, overall quite a healthy diet, actually. His preferences can shift quite a bit from month to month, and are most likely signaling that his body needs more of certain nutrients. We've also noticed that if he doesn't get to eat right when he feels hungry, the feeling will often pass and he'll have absolutely no appetite when dinner is ready 25 minutes later.

Many kids are much better grazers than mealtime eaters, and that's actually a fairly healthy and natural way to eat. They can grab a few attractive/nourishing bites right when they are feeling hunger. You might consider trying that, along with having her sit with you for a SHORT period at meals to maintain a pleasant family bond.

It's completely normal for kids' appetites to disappear completely for days at a time, and for them not to be hungry for certain meals. Making kids eat foods they dislike, aka force-feeding, makes for an unpleasant mealtime experience, which further kills appetite. It also teaches some of us to eat when we're not hungry, which can become a very unhealthy habit later on.

I hope you'll keep empty calories out of the house. Have you tried smoothies made with Silken tofu (very smooth), or bland puddings made with soy milk and egg for protein? Egg white is a complete protein, if her allergies don't include egg, so soft omelets may work (and you can experimentally add tiny amounts of pureed veggies). Quinoa is another pleasant, bland, soft grain that cooks like rice and has a very high complete protein profile.

Good luck. I hope you'll investigate the possibility of sensory issues. Your pediatrician can guide you to professionals who can help you cope.

First, Check out "Happiest Toddler on the Block", the Dr. who wrote it explains why some kids are evolutionarily wired to be picky at this time in life. If you understand where she is coming from, and can definitively evaluate whether this is a power struggle or overactive taste buds, you will feel less frustrated with the situation. Perspective is everything!

Second, If she ate ranch with her veggies - try the Vegan Ranch (made by veganaise) I pick mine up at SPROUTS, but you could also get it at WHOLE FOODS or TRADER JOES, depending on whats in your area. I have an egg allergy and a vegan friend turned me onto the ranch dressing. Every normal ranch eater I've introduced it to can't tell the difference. It's also lower in sodium and saturated fat.

Other options - Have you tried lentils and rice? I'm talking BLAND here, but has a good amount of nutritional value and if you use brown rice instead of white (if she'll eat it) then it's even better. Cook the lentils on their own in a little water or chicken stock and drain well. Cook the rice and lay the lentils over the rice. If you like spicy, broil some Jalapeno and mozzarella andouille sausage for you and the hubby and lay that over the lentils and rice. Even as plain as her meal may seem, it's got plenty of fiber and protein from the lentils.

Also, try introducing ONLY one food at a time that you want her to eat, let's say - carrots.... You can mash a few cooked carrots and mix them in oatmeal for breakfast or serve carrot/orange juice. On the same day serve a side of baby carrots with vegan ranch for lunch. Then for dinner, boil carrots in orange juice and honey and call them candy carrots. You can also shred carrots and mix with shredded cheddar cheese to put on soup, pasta, whatever foods she already eats. You wouldn't believe how yummy homemade carrot strawberry juice Popsicles can be on a hot day! There's also thinly sliced carrots (with a slicer) and apples (also sliced on the slicer) served with a plastic knife and a blob of peanut butter..... My kiddos make little rollups....
Keep up with the carrot siege until she can decide what "type" of carrots she likes, then you can just make that version and move on to your next vegetable siege. This way, you aren't overwhelming her and you send the message that foods can be prepared so many ways that it isn't a matter of not liking a certain food, but rather being adventurous to find out what way she likes it best!

Good Luck to You!

Make the meal, serve the meal, and if she eats, great. If she doesn't she will go hungry and learn that the battle is over, mom means business and unless she wants to be hungry she will suck it up and eat. Picky eaters are made, not born, and every child becomes picky around a year old, but catering to that pickiness is what causes them to continue to be picky. Talking about it 'oh little Susie won't eat anythin but PB&J, chicken nuggets and pasta' because she hears that and it just affirms that she can be a pain in the rear at dinnertime!

Make the food, serve the food, and walk away. If she eats good, if not she will go hungry until she figures out that what you make is what she eats, you aren't a short order cook, and she won't starve.

We had this same battle!

We have made it a rule that if there is something new (or she says she doesn't like), she has to take a "thank you bite" and it has to be a real bite, chewed and swallowed. It is pretty much a bite that says "Thanks for cooking". If she really, truly doesn't like something, I can tell by her face (and i can tell when she is faking it too!). I would not cook her something different unless it is something you know she really truly doesn't like. We had some picky eaters spend the night a few weeks ago and come dinner time, they didnt want to eat what was fixed and my daughter gave them a huge speach about taking a "thank you bite"! She easts a wide array of vegetables now (before, we were lucky if she ate potatoes and corn!) along with many "mixed" dinners (casseroles, hanburger helper, etc....) Dont reward her for eating her dinner, she will learn to expect that. I serve dessert on Fridays and when we have company, once in a while, I will let her have a muffin or some ice cream after dinner, but it is not every night:)

We have the same issue with my three year old and have followed much of the advice given. This week we bought a chart "Today I ate a Rainbow" and the book that goes with it.

http://www.todayiatearainbow.com/

Totally worth the money for us. She is obsessed with completing her rainbow. Within three days she was asking for "more peas please" which thrilled me. I didn't put rules on how much of each thing she had to eat. You could make your own I'm sure and it would be just as fun, I just didn't have the time. 3 is the perfect age for it. My two year old doesn't care at all (but she's already a good eater so that doesn't bother me).

Good luck! There are days I swear she would only eat fruit and carbs.

God...I'm 39 and you make me nervous.

Chill.....my DD is 3 and has been eating nuggets....oh!!! the horrors!!!! Great day in the mornin'....they wont starve!!!!
They are only testing and tasting....give them a chance!!!

For Veggies, have you tried Sweet potatoes? You said she likes ranch dip, Have you looked into the dry ranch packets? They might not have the allergies that she has and you can sprinkle that on her veggies?

Have you tried beans? My son loves white northern beans, I get the dry packet and soak them over night, then cook them in the crock pot with a ham steak.

Have you tried Hummas? You might be able to make your own and if the ranch packet is not an allergie for you can mix it with the chick peas and make it tast like ranch? and she can use that as a dip? and it is very healthy for her.

Good luck

absolutely do NOT give her only what SHE wants to eat. unless you plan to cater to her feelings above everyone else's the rest of your life. her feelings are not more important than anyone else in the family, even yours. why would you make her a S., special meal - don't do it please!

sue h has it exactly right. she's eating healthy the rest of the day so remove the battle. there is no issue here. she just enjoys the control she gets in this situation. she either eats what you all do, or she doesn't. end of story.

My 3yr old is super picky too. It's the age but it can drive you crazy. I bought the sneaky chef collection of cook books and it has really helped me sneak in veggies, extra protien, and whole grains without him even noticing. I still offer strait up veggies - we make a game of it, he will take a few bites of brocolli if he is a dinosaur, or a few nibbles of a carrot if we are pretending to be bunnies. Good luck!!

You can't force her to like things. It's also a mistake to make dinnertime into a battle. You can serve a variety of healthy things for dinner. Think beyond the typical dinner of meat/chicken, a white starch and a cooked vegetable. If she likes breakfast foods, you can serve eggs, whole wheat toast, melon and strawberries for dinner. I also think you set set out whatever your main course is - say it's roast chicken (make extra drumsticks) - also set out brown rice, bread and butter, a cooked veggie, a raw veggie, a fruit she likes (melon cubes or berries), soy cheese cubes and nuts. Then, let her choose what she would like to eat. Resist your urge to beg, suggest, bribe or wheedle. Kids are more likely to try things if you're not bugging them and will also be more likely to eat a balanced diet if they choose their own foods.
Good luck!