Help! 3 Yr Old Holds Food in His Mouth!

Not to sound mean, but it sounds like the two of you have some personality issues rather than eating issues. It sounds like his solution of "holding foods in his mouth" is a protest to your requests, demands, tone of voice, rules, threats, and punishments. Think of it this way, if he takes the food off the plate, then he does what you want "clear the plate" but he is "thumbing his nose at you" by refusing to swallow it. Which is his way of saying "I'm not going to go along with your rules, but you are my mom, and I don't want to totally disrespect you."

I may be way off, and if I am, my apologies if I sound like I am psychoanalyzing.

I sounds like he doesn't want to make you mad, but wants something other than what is happening.

He may want to eat different food. He may want to be treated differently.

Just my 2 cents. I have a son who is 3 1/2 and we eat pasta and pizza more than I care too, but he eats a lot of healthy choices with snacks so I know he well nourished. I really really think the psychology associated with eating foods is as important if not more important than how balanced the meal is, because mental & emotional associations condition how much you eat and why you eat and even what you choose to eat. Think depressed lonely person who eats a lot of sugary food to make themselves feel more sweetly loved.

AS a mom, we train kids how to use the potty and we also need to train them how to like food and the right kinds of foods.

Stay positive and both of you try to be happy with food! It's the Earth's bounty after all and we need to be thankful for what we have. Even if it's a dinner of popcorn and apple slices, it's still very good for you. He'll learn, but stay positive and teach him how to be happy with foods too.

Best wishes,
K.
(PS I love food, can you tell!)

CW,

I had to smile when I read that he 'holds food in his mouth'. My oldest used to store food in her pudgy little cheeks like a chipmunk! I swear she was saving it for later or something (yuck!) She turned out to be a very very picky eater (but now as a young adult she is a wonderful cook)!

My experience is that around 3 and 4 children have a big decrease in their appetite - I guess because their growth rate slows a little or something. Your little guy will be fine, he is not going to starve or be mal-nourished if you cut him a little slack and you'll enjoy dinnertime a lot more. He likely needs to 'graze' or just have small meals off and on.

Anyway, I would try to just take the pressure off, offer a variety of food and if he does not eat it just let him know it's okay, maybe he will like it when he is four.

Good advice from the other mama about allowing him to help choose and prepare the food.

Something I also discovered when my youngest was four - she had lost all interest in dinner and it was a big argument just to get her to the table. Well, we had gotten into the habit of fixing our plates from the stove and then sitting down at the table and I would fix her plate for her and put it in front of her - then the battle would begin...

She finally told me that she wanted to 'fix her own plate'! (D'oh! I was like - why didn't I think of that??)

So ever since I've made a point of using a couple extra serving bowls and placed all the food on the table and allowed her to put her own food on her own plate (and yes she spilled a lot at first) but it's like a different kid at dinnertime!! She likes to ask 'please pass this or that' and then scoop it onto her plate and she actually eats it!

....just my 2 cents

good luck, try not to fret!

No, I'm with you. I'm not a short order cook. I try to always make something in the meal that I know each of my children like...but ultimately what I put on the table is what they will eat or go hungry. They know that if they clean their plate (I always put very small amounts on their plate of each item and then encourage them to get more if they are still hungry)...anyway...if they clean their plate at dinner time, they can have a popsicle. If they don't clean their plate, then that's it for the night.

At breakfast and lunch they only get in between meal snacks if they, again, clean their plates. They have known and understood the rules since they were a year or two old. They definitely understand at three. After awhile they will comply. If he doesn't eat, then tell him that's it. If he doesn't want to eat it, then he doesn't have to but he will not get anything else until the next meal. Offer a cool dessert if he eats everything. (make sure to put small portions on his plate)

Stick to your guns and allow him to decide if he will eat or not. He won't starve and his nutrition won't be any different than it is now. Give him a multi-vitamin if you are that concerned.

Good luck!

Yes, you are being too hard ....I, too, have always been a firm believer at dinner time that my children get to eat "what's on the menu" for dinner. With any food that my children did not like, they have to eat at least a bite or two (i.e. 2 green beans, one bite of meat, etc...) However, if there is such a big deal being made about dinner food, so much that he is holding it in his mouth, that is a concern and I think you have to lighten up. Keep serving a variety of food, invite him to help pick out food items or help prepare items. Try not to make the lunch/dinner table a battle ground. Don't worry about nutrition if you are serving an ample amount of fruits/veggies/dairy/protein throughout the week. Making smoothies for lunch, having cheese and crackers with applesauce. Serving stir fry for dinner, different rice dishes, start playing upon what he does like and add a different food, every few days. The age can also be challenging and the fact that you are pregnant is probably playing a factor in this too...he sees that his life could be changing soon, just how much he doesn't quite know.

I remember my strong-willed sister sitting in the dark after dinner because she wouldn't eat all on her plate and mom wasn't going to let her leave the table, until it was eaten. It was also a bit manipulative on her part because she got the most attention at the table because of her behavior. I vowed never to do that to my children. It takes the focus away from what is important - and that is the family gathered around the table. Good luck.

I absolutely believe that you are not to cater to your children like a short order chef and that they need to learn to eat nutritionally and try new foods. However, it is very important not to set up power struggles in general, but with food it is detrimental to avoid them. When looking at a toddlers/pre-schoolers nutrition you look at the whole week, not just the one day. My oldest is 13 and he is my pickest eater, i believe because i would make him his dinner (which was kid friendly always) and he would eat while I cooked a meal for my husband and I. So my theory is that he got picky because I didn't give him enough variety as a little guy. So this is what i've been doing with the other three since they've been in a high chair and my 13 year old tries a lot more foods and he eats a large variety now. I serve dinner family style. What ever I make I put in serving bowls. Now I make the main meal let's say I'm making chicken then I always put out a few things that I know all the kids will like. For example, I always have baby carrots (raw) and ranch dressing out. i have some form of pasta and then the new dish, new veggies. I understand it is a lot of work especially if you are cooking for only your spouse, yourself and one child. You can use this method on a smaller scale that would work for your family. The other part of it is that I allow the kids to choose what they want and when they are able to; to serve themselves. The little guys I ask what they want from the table and then I put it on their plate. There are some days when my six year old only eats carrots for dinner. I don't make an issue of it. I change it up so that there is variety and I will continue to serve things I know they won't like because it takes them a long time to see the same food to even think about trying it. I'm not sure of the number, but it is like 25 or something. Now if the child doesn't want anything then they are done for the night-they get nothing for the rest of the night. My kids know I'm not kidding so they eventually warm up and decide to eat something because even if they don't eat they must sit at the table with everyone. When they don't eat dinner, don't worry they won't starve, they do wake up hungry but they won't become deficient in nutrition just from one or two missed meals. They will eventually get it and then you will both be happy and enjoy dinner together. I believe that as parents we make too much about the food thing. If you present healthy foods and you yourself are a healthy eater your kids will be fine. Don't force because that sets up a power struggle, which no one wins completely. I allow them to have junky food, but the rule in our house is you can have candy or whatever once you eat something healthy. So let's say my three year old wants a lollipop and she hasn't eaten anything for a few hours, I offer her a banana or yogurt and then she can have a lollipop. She chooses eats and then she gets the lollipop. Now sometimes she wants a second lollipop, so again I offer some grapes or string cheese and then she gets the lollipop. by this time she is full with a healthy snack and was able to have a treat. I never MAKE my kids try stuff and amazingly they do try it all by themselves. All my kids will eat sushi, enchilladas. Also be sure to have one meal during the week that all foods on the table are kid friendly. Do not allow your emotions to get in the way, this will always get ugly. Make a plan and stick to it. You have control of what goes on the table and by allowing your child to choose from what's on the table he feels in control and you both win.

I have a 3 year old little girl that does the same thing. It is so frustrating. Its food she likes too, her favorites. It seems to happen anytime we go out to eat. I get so angry because she will be starving when we get there and we pay good money for it and then she will sit there and chew one bite of food for an hour! No kidding. If we tell her to swallow the food she starts to choke. I have given in and let her spit it out many times before but then she wins and dosen't have to finish eating. She recently had tubes put in her ears and had her tonsils and adnoids removed, so for a while before that i know it was because she didn't have enough room in her throat to swallow, but now she has plenty of room i just dont understand it. I am looking forward to reading the responses you get for some advice of my own. Im sorry i cant give you any advice, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Hopefully this is just a phase.

This may sound too simple but do you involve him in selecting the meal or foods to prepare? When you are at the grocery store, do you let him pick out some things? I would also say don't fight, put the plate away if he refuses to eat- not offering anything else- but when he is hungry he will eat. He will see that this is not a game. If he misses a few meals it is not the end of the world, it sounds bad- but he will come around and learn that it feels a lot better to eat than be hungry.