Ready Made Family

What makes you feel this relationship won't work? Is it something you could work on through counseling? Or have you just lost interest?

K.,
This is a really sensitive situation; is the father of your baby active in her life? If so, gently; gently tell him that even though she is small, I do not want to confuse her;

On the other hand, if he is not present - this man is willing to take on your child as his own, hard to find very as well as his children
Do you love him? What do you want?

answer those first.
I have a man in my life that treats my son like his own, again it takes a pretty special person to do so.

You're saying here that you are beginning to se that the two of you are not meant to be together forever, and that you got caught up in the excitement of a newe relationship. Why do you want to make it sound like you're not breaking up with him?

If you don't see this man and his children being part of your life for good, END IT. The longer you go on, the more attached all three kids are going to get to ther other partner and the other children. This is only going to make the separation more devastating to them when the relationship ends. Dragging this on if there's no future hurts everyone more in the end. Is it going to be easier on your little girl when she's a year old, or two years old, to lose this man from her life?

I am all too familiar with this situation. When my daughter was six years old her father and I decided to end our marriage. Shortly after that I started dating a man who lived in England. Six months after I started the relationship with the English guy my husband died. My boyfriend was already in the process of getting a job here and everything fell into place right about the time that my husband died. We decided, for a variety of reasons, that he would move right in with us and we would go from there.

Needless to say, a year or so down the road we realized that we'd made a major mistake and he said he needed to be out of the relationship but we couldn't tell my daughter about it until the end of the school year because we decided to stick out living together until then so that her life was more stable. We ended up living together for more than a year and a half after that, which included us getting back together then finally ending it all a month or so later.

My daughter fell in love with him, and him her. They have a very special relationship and after we split up I made sure that she continued to see him as time allowed. Because of where we moved right after the break up it was easy to let her spend one night a week there then have her go to school from there. It worked out really well for me as I had a night of freedom.

She was very upset when we broke up and she didn't understand it. She still doesn't understand it exactly but she was able to cope with it. It made a huge difference to be able to continue to see him. Now that he and I are back together, we've been together since Christmas after 9 months of being apart, she is happy about it but cautious. We have tried to instill that her relationship with him has little bearing on our relationship and that regardless of what happens she will continue to have him in her life.

We rushed into it for all the right reasons but it was a bad thing for us, as a couple. We were able to minimize the damage and hopefully you'll be able to find a way to do the same. But you're not doing anyone any good by prolonging the situation. If you do not believe that there will be a 'happy ever after' then move on or try to fix whatever might be wrong so that there might be one.

Hi there Kaite. I'm M., and I think I might be able to help you out. My fiance and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, but when we first got together I had a simialr situation that you have. Our oldest now (which is actually his step daughter)was only 8 months old when I met him, but he did not have any kids of his own yet. Things got alittle rushed when he asked me and my daughter to move into the house he shared with his mom only like 2 months after we began dating. And at this point I wasn't sure of our relationship and where it was going either so I had to say no. I was very honest with him,but made sure that at the same time I re-iterated the fact that I did NOT want to break up...just take things alittle bit slower. So my adivce is just be totally honest with him and let him know at the same time that you don't want to break up (if that is how you feel) but things need to slow down a bit. Lots of luck!

Its definetly a lot harder to date once you have children. You now need to watch out for yours, as well as your childrens' feelings. If you're absoluetly sure that this is someone you don't see long-term potential in then its probally better to get out.I have to agree w/some of the others, that if you want to end it, the sooner the better. Unfortuently we lose the ability to have more casual releationships when we have children, unless you somehow find a way to keep your children totally seperate.

I recently ended a releationship of over year with a wonderful guy. My daughter was 6 mths old when we met, and he had 3 boys 4,3, and 8 mths.. We jumped in too fast, moved in together, and ultimately I realized we were not right for each other. My daughters father is not very active in her life, and my ex was more of a father to her than her bio father had ever been.

Kids are very resiliant though. Especially since your daughter is so young she should be ok. The boys may take it a little harder, but the main thing is for you and your b/f to make sure they realize that the breakup is in no way due to them.

You shouldn't rush or stay in a releationship just for the children...t