Reading... and Teaching Habits

First of all I want to put your mind to ease about the reading. I have always had a hard time reading outloud to children. Like you, it bothers me when they are not listening. But I see others that just keep on reading and pushing ahead and eventually the kids listen. My husband has a lot of patience for this. So in our household, he pushes the reading. BUT, he doesn't have patience for phonics training. So that just happens to me my area. But I've learned that it doesn't have to be done in military fashion. :) A letter here, a letter there, draw it, trace it, notice them in street signs, see videos about phonics, it's all around. Learning to read is a lifestyle. We have 4 daughters and all of them learned to read early but we never made it a hard thing.

Your daughter will learn to read and while listening skills are important, you can't expect every child to be able to sit still and listen at a particular age. It may take her awhile longer to come around.

As for parenting styles.. You will have a long and frustrating marriage if you try too hard to change him. Try to learn to respect the differences you have. There will be things he's good at and things you are. You have a lot of years left to parent this child. It's always nice when 2 parents agree. But if you let your daughter see you argue about things she is doing or not doing, she'll turn it around on you and use it like a wedge between the 2 of you in order to get her way.

Suzi

Instead of "reading" the story to your little girl "show" her the story or make one up that she would find more interesting. For example, say look at that funny pink hat; I wonder what that little rabbit is going to do...etc. Then when it is time to turn the page tell Ella to please turn the page and reward her with praise when she does. So what if she is ready to turn the page before you are, just improvise to keep her interests.

About her dad, instead of TELLING him what you want him to do tell him that your daughter really liked doing something a certain way or that she responds well with certain kinds of encouragement (who cares if you are telling a little white lie, I guarantee you if he is any sort of man at all he will never know). This will not make him feel like he has to "listen" to you and will maybe encourage him to see if he can get Ella to do the same things. Show/tell him your accomplishments with Ella that make you feel like a good parent and role model and hopefully he will want to become involved in the good parenting too!

My son was like this until about 18 months, I have no idea what it was that helped, but I'll give some suggestions just in case they help you :)

- I would sometimes sit on the floor and read outloud to him while he ran around - I always joked with my husband that I felt like a pre-school teacher with no audience, but I kept doing it for months. Eventually he came over.

- Pick goofy books. I know everyone loves all those sweet, educational and Good Night Moon type books or books with art or whatever, but my son doesn't have the patience for that. While I might think those stories are great, we instead read loud, silly, Dr. Suess-type books over and over and over and over. I make goofy noises and get quite dramatic - hey, it helps and thank god no one but him and his sister hear me! I actually have "forced" him to sit with me (in a fun way, not a mean way) and get all the way through a book. I've tickled and wrestled with him while reading.

- Focus on picture books of what she's interested in. If she loves animals or cats or whatever - show her them over and over every chance you get. Although there is no story, it will get her used to sitting and "reading." My son is very into trucks, so most of our books (that aren't Dr. Suess) have truck themes.

- And, finally, after months and months of me trying to read to him on the couch or in his bed or in our bed or in the recliner.... it was on the bathroom floor that it really started and clicked. Mornings were hectic with me trying to get ready to leave and I found that sitting down on the bathroom mat with him and a book gave him the undivided attention he craved so badly in the mornings. It just worked. We still do most of our reading in the mornings (fortunately not on the bathroom floor). So while it seemed a little gross at the time, it has sure paid off.

One more thing, we buy our books used. That way, we can pay a few dollars for one when he gets into something else (fire trucks, horses, whatever) without worrying about it too much if he's completely uninterested.

I'm not sure what to suggest about your husband....perhaps have him watch a few episodes of Super Nanny or Nanny 911 to see what he could be in for without consistency!

Good Luck!!!

You might try giving her a different book to play with while your read another. Also, be sure you are choosing books at her level. She doesn't need you to read long stories, but a bath book or board book of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" won't take long. Plus, if you sing it to her, it may hold her attention longer. My son was the same way, not wanting to sit still long enough for a whole book. He is now about to enter Kindergarten, and he can already read whole books to himself. When he was ready, he did just fine. The LeapFrog videos were wonderful for him!

Hope this helps!
M.

Hi, I am a first grade teacher with a masters in early childhood education, and I understand that this can be a hard age to read with your child. At this age, the number one thing you can do for your daughter is to help her enjoy books. It is important that reading doesn't feel like a chore to her. Try reading as part of her bedtime ritual when she might be more in the mood to cuddle up and read a book. Try reading books with gimmicks like books with texture or noises. Another way to foster language learning is by reading/reciting fun songs and rhymes with her. Nursery rhymes are great for this. Maybe having her sit down to read one nursery rhyme at a time with you is a more realistic goal. Good luck!

And have a good talk with Dad about his role as a parent. Although it may be hard to see now, a parent's job is to prepare his child for life. Sleeping in her own bed, using a cup, and potty training are all skills she needs to learn to be successful in school. As she gains these skills she will gain confidence too. Maybe putting it this way to dad will help.

First off it sounds as if you need to sit down with Ella's father and have a chat with him about being a "pushover" to his daughter. If he keeps that up, by the time she's a teenager she'll be spoiled rotten, and have everything she asks for and be in trouble with the law to boot and maybe even pregnant on top of everything else. Please talk to him. He needs to learn to say no and reinforce the lessons you are tying to teach your daughter during the week. Sounds as though dad needs to grow up! Be firm but gentle with him and maybe your point will come thru loud and clear.
About the reading, just keep trying. Let her have some board books to "read" on her own, on her own time. Eventually she'll sit long enough for you to read to her. Start with smaller books or books that rhyme. My older daughter had the Bearenstein (sp??) Bear book "Bears on the Moon" memorized by the time she was 2 and loved it (short and cute). I think it was the only book we read some days. She always picked it out. Don't give up. She'll come around. Good luck and God Bless.

Hi, J.. First, I would like to calm your worries about your daughter reading everyday. It is important to always expose your children to reading, but I would not worry, especially at her age if she has not found the interest yet in reading. Let her just hold the books and thumb through them. Say things like, "You are looking at the bear book.", but don't try to "read" it to her. She may like having the control to look on her own. If she likes songs and fingerplays, start with those, and see if you can find books of the songs she likes and try singing those with her. Unfortunately, if her father doesn't want to help with these ideas, you will just have to keep trying on your end. Maybe your daughter will enjoy singing and start singing songs with Dad and then it will progress from there. She will form a different relationship with her dad,anyway, so I say just let them do what they choose on their time. Also, put reading as part of your bedtime routine, and once she enjoys it, she will start asking for her books before bed- probably from dad too. Good Luck!

I like the other advice you have gotten so far.

I was going to add a couple of things I have learned/read about early literacy...

Other things that help with early reading are for the kids to see their parents reading.....(see that reading is fun for you)

And I think that would also apply to reading aloud even if you think she isn't paying attention. (some kids do need to move around more than others)

Your daughter may also like to pick out books herself - or listen better to the book she picks out at the store/library...

Also you can watch her rhythms and pick times of day to read when she is more relaxed/less active.

Keep trying - it isn't like missing a day or two of reading will ruin her forever...In fact you may eventually reach a day when she wants you to read the same book over and over and over....

Oh you might also think about having your dd 'write' her own stories---If she likes to draw pictures you can have her do that and tell you about them and write those things down. My youngest is much more interested in writing books than reading them. She started wanting to write herself at 4 - and at that time she didn't even know the name to all the letters. But she learned really fast...And from writing she learned to read....