Raising an Only Child

Hi S., My name is Lori and I indeed raise one child, a little girl. She was very content, since she had no idea what it was like to have brothers or sisters. She had alot of friends to play with, not to mention cousins. She is now married with a daughter of her own. I should mention quickly that I now have a 4 year old. April was 19 when he was born (same dad). (I call him my ooops!) I wouldn't trade him for anything. Now I am raising him as an only child, even though he has a sister. He is in head start so he is learning how to play with other kids his age, and he loves it. So when your son gets older, there are play groups, head start, pre-school and a host of other things for him to do when he is ready. Right now, just enjoy him as he is and remember, that when he gets to be with other kids, he will pick up their habits, which is another story. Good luck.

I have a daughter who is an only child. Both my husband and myself have each two older siblings and we are also understand the importance of siblings while growing up and as adults. We are definately concerned about her family dynamic and her support system after we are gone. I am however, more concerned about the over-all well being of our family and my sanity so we have decided on holding off with that second child. For now, I have enlisted the help of a few toddlers that we watch everyday while their parent are at work. These children are just like siblings to one antoher. Really, you should hear them fight! and then giving hugs and kisses the next moment...its pretty close to having siblings. We also have a lot of contact and playdates with my daughter's cousins. There are 11 of them..so my worries about not having any family left after we are gone are pretty much dissipated. I know that so long as my daughter has the capacities to build life-long friendships, she will soon learn that you make your family along the path of life. If she doesn't have any biological brothers and sisters, at least she knows that she still has "brothers" and "sisters" in her life.
And I have one less college tuition to pony up!

I was an only child & I can't complain (cause I did get everything I wanted) but wish I had that sibling to play with or that best friend (no matter what cause your family). Now that I'm grown up & I will never be a true aunt & I see my friends with their brother or sisters & wish it is something I had! Right now I have a 10 mth old & plan on having another even thou he has stepbrother but he don't live with us. It gets boring being by yourself!! You can only talk to your stuff toys for so long. Ha ha Well I hope this was somewhat helpful

Hi S.~ I have two children, but for a while there, we thought we would only be having one. My daughter was an only child for 7 years. We had fertility problems and were told we couldn't have more.........and then surprise, we had our son. I have to say that I don't think my daughter was missing out on anything by being the only one. She is a very independent child. She can play alone well, she plays with us, and plays with friends. Now she can play with her brother as well. I think if you are comfortable with only having one child, well then that is something that will be right for your family. I don't think anyone else can advise you on what you should do. I have a brother and I can't say we share any special bond or are close as adults, we are related that is about it. My daughter was very content being the only one. We joked that her reign as queen was ending when her brother was due. I don't regret having two children, but that was something we knew we wanted all along. Good luck.

I can't speak to this topic from experience (yet!) but felt I would weigh in because my husband and I are planning on only having one child (I'm due with our son next Saturday!) We have always planned on having one child ... which definitely isn't common (or popular ... everyone puts their two cents in saying we'll change our mind and want two - highly doubtful). Even before I became pregnant I asked the same questions you're posing to parents of only children, as well as people who grew up as only children.

I think raising an only child is special. It takes conscious work to ensure the child is socialized and well rounded. However, I truly believe there are benefits in terms of the attention we'll provide, as well as what we'll be able to provide financially (i.e. we're looking at private school - that possibly wouldn't be an option if we had more than one child).

Having a sibling doesn't guarantee the children will get along. My husband is not close to his sister at all. In fact, we see her very infrequently and only at family events initiated by his parents. When they pass away I don't expect we'll see her more than once a year (if even that). While that sounds sad, it's a real possibility that people don't always focus on. People generally focus on how wonderful siblings are - which they can be ... I have a great sister - but there are siblings in the opposite situation, as well.

I have several friends who are only children. All of them are well-adjusted, happy adults. Many wish they had a sibling growing up but not all do. Those that are fine as a only children have built their extended "family" through their spouse's family or friends.

Ultimately, it's a very personal decision, and I wish you luck making it. Keep talking to people and do some research. I found the book "Only Child" by Deborah Siegel and Daphne Uviller to be very interesting. It contains essays written by adults who are only children. Their perspective was fascinating. Best wishes!

Hi S.. I am much in the same boat as you are. My daughter just turned 2 and we have been tossing around the idea if we should have another one. I absolutely as content with just her and the thought of raising another baby scares me. SHe was such a good baby that I'm afraid my second one would be the opposite and I couldn't handle it. I know it sounds silly....and not a reason to have an only child. But my thoughts are much like yours...I worry about her not having that sibling to grow up with. But to be honest....I am a middle child. I was not close with my older brother...and only close with my little sister when we were very young. I do not have a good relationship with them now....so I think each family is different. The people that have left comments already...this is their experience and their opinion. It is your decision to make...don't let anyone else make it for you. My family pressures me to have another...and at this point, I know that I'm not ready. Maybe in another year or two I may be..but not now. Good luck with your decision! P.S. My best friend is an only child...and excels in everything she does. She is VERY close and needy at times though...but has always had great attention and love from her family...and I was like her sister growing up. So even if your child is an only one...who is to say that she won't have that friend that is like a sister to be there for her...

My daughter is 10 and an only child. Unfortunately I won't be having anymore babies. I'd advise against an only child. It's difficult for her. She gets bored and frustrated often, not having a sibling to talk to or play with. Some of the problems she has is because she is the only child. Of course even if she did have a sibling at home there would be times when they fought, sibling rivalry, things like that. But in the end she would have someone else when I'm gone. Also beacause she is an only child, she tends to become possessive of her toys when friends come to play, she can get bossy with them, wanting to play her way, and having difficulty sharing.
D.

Hi S.,
Great question! I have 2 girls and a baby boy, looove it. First of all this is a personal decision. I am 31, and I couldn't imagine going thru life with just one child. I know sometimes people who have only one child, CAN'T have anymore, and they wish so much they could.

I have a neighbor who has only 1 boy, it is so sad to say but he seems so lonely, he is constantly trying to come over and play with my kids. My kids go to bed at 7pm, for school reasons, and he is then stuck playing outside by himself, while his dad just sits, reads. The dad sometimes plays with him, but more often not.

Ok now here is the LOW blow, look at your 2 year old, and how cute is he? Would it be that bad to have more? Or maybe a girl to dress up? Or think of christmas when you hear your kids get so excited and gather around the tree. If you can have more, go for it S., kids are truly a blessing. It ALWAYS works out.

I never hear a mom say, "I wish I didn't have all these kids."

BUT... I DO hear," I wish I HAD more..."

It's your choice S., good luck!
D.

S.,
I'm the second oldest of 10 children. Not that I would ever have that many, but it was fun. It's even better now that most of us are grown. We're all great friends and family get togethers are crazy. I'm glad that my boys will grow up with a large extended family. I would never have 10 kids, but I want a sibling or two for my boys. I want them to have a similar experience to mine... without making me crazy! Honestly only you and your husband can make this decision... best of luck to you both.
T.

Youngest of seven here, and I don't know what I would do without them all !! My husband is an only , and he is daily amazed at the connection we have as siblings. There are some things only a sib can understand, our Father passed when I was only 7, but when Mom died a few years ago....well having them just made it all that much easier. It was important to me to give my oldest that oportunity, to have someone that stands by her,keeps her company, shares her secrets.
I love watching the two of them together, the love each other so much....even when they fight and make me nuts. I highly recommend at least 2.