Quick Advice

Hello,
What is your understanding of being a godparent? Are you considering this as your choice should you and your husband die while your children are minors? Or are you thinking of this strictly in terms of your faith? Because being a godparent is not a legal and binding proclamation of who your children would be raised by should your children lose you. That should be put in a will or a trust.

I'm asking because if you are really intending to choose who would raise your child, there are so many factors to be considered. However, if this is per your religion, say Catholic, then that may be something altogether different and I would choose someone who is strong in their faith and whose relgious beliefs align closely with yours. In your eyes, what IS the responsibility of a godparent?? Only you can answer that and choose the right fit. Not your sister, as well-meaning as she may be.

Stand up for yourself unless you want her to keep doing this. And I think you may need to clear up what the godparent responsibilities are. If they are going to be the "spiritual guardians", that is what godparents are. If your sister thinks they are going to be the guardians should you and your husband pass away, that is NOT what godparents do. That responsibility is stated in a Will and not in a religious ceremony.

Sounds to me as if it could be a control issue.

She's your sister, I know, and you need to treat her with love. But does she have to make your decisions for you? Can you not make them?

It sounds as if what she is saying is, "I don't want these people to be involved in this baptism. I think you can't make wise decisions. I'm the one with the brains and everyone should do what I say."

If you don't want her to make and/or overrule your decisions, you'll have to stand up for yourself: "This is what we have decided and this is what we are going to do. If you want to get all upset about it, please do it somewhere else, because baptism is an important rite and I don't want any drama there." You don't have to defend yourself or feel obliged to explain more than that. Let your sister react as she will, but stand your ground and don't talk about her behind her back.

i would tell my sister to shut her trap. And i would tell my favorite choices that you are sorry that your sister is a pain in the butt. But, you are going to have to deal w/ her forever either way, because none of you are going anywhere. You are my friend, you are my brother and she is my sister. i chose you in this place of honor because you are important to me and my family. please reconsider, and ignore my sister.

To me it sounds like your sister needs to butt out and you need to tell her! It is none of her business who you choose to be the god parents. Sounds like jealousy to me!

I was raised catholic and godparents are the people who are to help in teaching your children religion. My sister asked me to be godmother of her first son and I was sure to mention my views on the Catholic Church, she was OK with it.
If you are thinking of people who will take care of your children if something happens to you and/or hubby then I suggest a will or the state can take them and family will end up fighting. It is a very big decision to make. And I am sure you would want to think about it.

It could be a combination of both. She is just looking out for you but you need to stand up for yourself. This is your child, and you get to decide who is the godparents and who is involved in your child's life. You made the decision that you want your friend and brother to do it so they should. That is yours to make, not your sisters. You need to tell her that you are capable of making your own decisions and while you appreciate her concern it is not necessary. Stick up for what you want and dont let her bully you or your friend.

What your sister thinks should NOT enter into the decision. It belongs to you, your husband, and the people YOU chose. Politely tell your sister that you have heard her concerns, you understand them, but you will NOT change your minds.

You will have to say it over and over, for years to come. Many people are completely uncomfortable when anyone else has an opinion, or takes an action, that they don't agree with. These people will keep pounding and pounding on others verbally (even if it's in a polite tone and/or words, it's still relentless pounding), hoping that others will either finally agree with them or give up. Knowing that they're butting in and making others miserable is less stressful for them than knowing that someone else, especially a loved one, disagrees. They are just sure that everyone HAS to agree. They cannot handle the idea that someone might think they are wrong.

People, even family, do NOT have to agree on things. You let her have her say, even though you didn't have to (or want to). Now it's her turn to shut up, even if she doesn't want to.

Make sure that she knows that if she can't keep her opinion to herself between now and the baptism, ESPECIALLY on the baptism day, you'd rather that she stay home. She'll tell you that that's hurtful, and that you're choosing to put others over her and therefore don't love her, but she's wrong. It's about respect and boundaries. She needs to respect the personal boundaries of others, EVEN IF SHE DISAGREES.

Good luck!

I have two thoughts. One, if the godparents are put off enough to back away, they won't be strong enough to handle her if something happens to you. So I wouldn't stick with them as the choice based on that alone. Two, if you don't put your sister in her place regarding your ability to make your own decisions, you will always have this problem.
Best of luck.

Do what YOU feel is right, and forget what your sister says. Also, tell your friend to take what your sister says with a grain of salt.

I didn't choose any of my own sisters to be my children's godmother. Do you actually feel that you have to choose your sister because she is your only sister? She sounds like she takes over everything in her path. I wouldn't put up with that - regardless of who it was, and I wouldn't pick someone who acts like this to be my children's godmother.

I feel sorry for your friend. Your sister sounds like a real pill. I am sure your brother doesn't want to deal with her either.

I would say that unless you want your sister to tell you what to do forever, perhaps you ought to rethink her being the godmother. You could just postpone the baptism.

Good luck - it sounds like you will need it.

Dawn

Who do YOU want as the godparents?
That's who you go with.
Your child, your choice.
She may think she's looking out for you, but she's creating bad feelings as well.
Don't you think you will really hurt your friend and your brother if you change your request now? And your sister might feel like a real tool down the road knowing she hi-jacked your child's baptism......

We chose a cousin and spouse who were the most similar to us and who agreed to raise our children should something happen. To be honest, after My MIL found out they were chosen she tried to force them to have a close relationship with her. It backfired and they don't want to be godparents anymore because she is nuts and would be in their business, undermining their parenting.

I think it is a big commitment for someone to be someone's godparents and I believe that whether your sis is trying to intervene or not, she may have a point. Why does this have to happen in 2 weeks ? It is a big decsion and it can be done later when all parties are calm and going into it with a joyous heart. you may need more time and K may need more time and the brother may need more time. This is not something to rush. I think you can sit on it and talk it out and get it worked out so when it comes time to do this, it will be positive and all parties are on board.