Questions for Mother's of 5+... - Orangevale,CA

Go back and read the statement: "We're happy. We have great kids." Why ruin a good thing? You have no idea what the next one might be like, perhaps a major personality conflict would erupt. You are very blessed. Why would you need more?

Don't let other people's opinions make your decisions on how many children to have. It sounds to me like you have a good loving family that can handle as many as God sees fit for you to have. As long as you and your husband are in agreement, go for as many as you want to. Also, don't let all the talk about finances and how many you can 'afford' make the decision. There are usually ways for kids to get what they need in growing up, even in families with limited money. The figures that are thrown out about how much it costs to raise a child usually are loaded with things that may or may not be 'necessities'. Sure, it's good to plan for money for college, but it doesn't hurt for a kid to have to do a little bit of earning their own way to college either. Younger siblings have worn older siblings hand-me-down clothing for ages, and it doesn't hurt today's kids to wear hand-me-downs too. Be creative in shopping for food, and use the manpower of your kids to grow a garden to supply fresh vegetables and fruit for the table. Even if you have only a "postage stamp" sized yard, you can put in a raised bed for less than fifty dollars and plant enough veggies to help a little with the food bill... and the bonus is the exercise and learning experience it is for the kids - not to mention they like to try what they've grown even if they don't like the same thing from the store.
I wouldn't worry at all about the odd or even number of kids question. They will sort all of that out for themselves. I come from a family of four living children (one died in infancy before I was born - and I'm the oldest). We have ages spreads of 7 1/2 years between me and my sister; 3 1/2 years between her and the firstborn brother; and 9 years between him and the youngest brother. (By the way, there were six 1/2 years between the one who died in infancy and me, so my mother was bearing children over a span of 26 years of her life!) We haven't had any major problems getting along with each other. My husband comes from a family of seven with an 8th half sister who was born before their Mom and Dad married, and was put out for adoption. As an adult that half sister has come back into their lives and the eight of them get along quite well too. It isn't the amount of children, or the spacing or odd-even numbers, but a loving family and caring parents that makes the difference and creates a good family situation.

We have 5, all girls. We had three & just knew we wanted one more and got twins! The oldest is 12 and so helps with the others. They don't always get along, but 90% of the time they do. I'm thrilled we did not stop at 3. We would have missed out huge! Lots of people make comments, but they don't live in the house full of love that we do.

Personally, we decided to have my tubes tied as the twins' pregnancy was almost too much for my body to handle (I was 38), but we are open to adoption. I love our big family and though it does take work, I would not have it any other way.

Bless you & your decision!
D.

I am 8 weeks pregnant with our 5th. I have 4 boys 6 years old and under. I have been told so many times to just stick with 4, and logically, in a way, I felt the same thing. But when my husband and I look at our 4 wonderful boys, it just makes us want more. =) Kids are so much work, but they are such a blessing! And even though sometimes I feel I am not cut out for this job, God gives me the strength and the grace to do the job of raising these beautiful gifts. I get a lot of glares and rude comments, but you know what? Soooo many older people have told me, now that their kids are grown, they wish they had had more. And also, when I meet people from big families, who had parents that didn't get divorced, they always say that they loved having alot of siblings and they don't resent their parents for having so many kids. That was one thing I had always been worried of. I have been told so many times that the kids will resent being part of a big family, but I was never told that by anyone that actually was part of a big family(unless the parents had divorced or the family was very disfunctional).
Psalm 127:3-5 says,"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate."
My advice to you and to all mamas is, whether you have one, or twenty-one, choose to see your children as a blessing.
God bless,
A.

I think many women know when they are done and others are more ambivalent and others want large families. I think that you need to look at what you can afford, not just now but when they are teens. How many will be in college at one time. Kids don't always play well together. I think it is a very personal decision to make with your husband. Babies are fun but they grow up.
S., mom of many (13)

I love the even number thing but I have to tell you they don't always buddy up like you would think. I have one 18 year old son (kinda like an only child but he had my sister who was 10 months older than him). Then 10 years later I had my second, 8.5 year old son and 16 months after that I have my daugher who is now 7 years old. Often I see my 18 year old having a stronger connection with my youngest who is a girl rather than his brother. Currently I am pregnant and due in July. I am already thinking about one more after this as I am not sure about the only child thing again. I am also considering it cause my morning sickness subsided, if you asked me 3 weeks ago I would say no way! I too love a big family and what a better way than to have your own. Our house size will max out. As of now we will have a bedroom for each child. If I go for my 5th, I would have to give up my scraproom/office. People say my oldest will move out and his room will be available. But I know how hard it is to make it these days and think I might like to keep it an option for him to move back if need be. For a few years I thought about having the one I am pregnant with now. We finally desided to give it a go with the logic of...I fear regreating not more than I fear going for it. I have also thought about foster adopting but my 8.5 year old is too sensitive to go through a situation where the child is part of your family and then goes back to his/her biological parent/s. So, for now that is out. I say listen to your heart. Logic told me I was crazy but everything in my soul told me it was right. So far I could not be happier. I say if you are going to go for it...the sooner the better because every couple years older seems to be harder on the body. Good luck to you!

I just had #5. My children are ages 13, 9, 7, 4, and 8 weeks old. I am tired but am feeling better now that he's sleeping more at night. In the past, life was back to normal by a few months postpartum. I've had a lot if loving support from family and friends. I love having a big family. I come from a big family and love that. I'm religious and believe that there are children still waiting to be born, so why not bring them to a good family. Everyone asks me if we're done and I just say that I don't know. Having my newest one has made me feel like I never want to stop! Realistically I might have one more or maybe do foster care and adopt. I would never get "fixed" because I know many who regret their decision later on down the road. We can't see the future so don't do anything permanent. God will guide you in your decisions. We were guided to have our newest one and we were so blessed and everything has turned out great. My other children just adore the baby. We can't imagine life without him.
p.s. When we had an odd number before they got along fine, so you never know.

(I don't have 5 but...)

Yes!! Quit while you're ahead! I have three, and I can tell you that odd numbers are bad. One always gets left out. You have a great situation!!! Older ones that are always kissing the little ones??!! You can't ask for anything better. Don't mess with a good thing.

I suppose I should start by saying I am not a mother of 5, rather I am the baby of 5. So, I guess if my parents stopped at 4 I wouldn't be here. I will tell you that as a child I don't remember feeling any real issues from such a large family, my oldest sister was like a 2nd mother. (I personally wouldn't want that for my kids. But I see from my oldest that it's a role you just kind of jump into when it happens.) The thing I am realizing now (and also the reason we won't have more children) is that I do not/did not have the same relationship with our extended family as everyone else did. I never met any of my great-grandparents and although I remember my grandparents they were not the "fun" people my sisters and brother talk about. In fact, some of the stories they tell me I can't even imagine because, by the time I came along they were all in their 70s & 80s and just wanted to sit and watch TV when we came to visit. I am also seeing now with my 3 girls that they won't have the kind of relationship with their grandparents I would want them to have.

I would say, if your family isn't important to you and your children then have as many as you want but from my point of view, it's sad to know my kids won't get to have their grandparents at their graduations,weddings, etc. I am not as articulate as I would like to be and I feel like this post sounds like a bunch of whining and that was not my intent. I hope that I got my point across though!

I have 4 kids as well. 1 girl and 3 boys, ages 12, 11, 7 & 5. I call them the "bigs" and the "littles". My older 2 are cat and dog. Sibling rivalry at its best! I think it is a gender thing. My "littles", both boys, play so well together. I keep thinking adding one more to the mix wouldn't hurt, but I always say if I have 5, I'd want 6. Even if you could guarantee me that #5 would be a girl I would still be hesitant. Right now I am just starting to see the "light" at the end of the tunnel. When we go out my husband handles the littles and I handle the bigs. The 6 of us together make a good team. I am afraid that adding one more would disrupt our routine. Sometimes we have to put off the bigs just to appease the littles and vice versa. In that respect I don't think it is fair. I think only you know what is right for you and your family. It sounds like you have a great support system from your husband. If you can handle it then I would say do it. Just make sure that your whole family is in agreement. As I say that my family is already complete, we too have not gotten "fixed". I like the possibility that I still have an option!
I don't know if this helps. In the final decisions, it can never hurt to have someone new to love in your life. In the end, family is all that counts!

We have 5 girls. Twin 10 year olds, a 9 year old and twin almost 3 year olds. I LOVE having a lot of kids. I would have loved more, but with my pregnancies resulting in multiples it's just way too hard on my body. Twin pregnancies are rough on me. Our decision was based on financial reasons and on the chance of another set of multiples. We are stressed at times, but just love having all of these children. It's a very personal decision to have a large number. Where once it was the norm it seems now to be looked down upon.