Question for the Divorced Wives.

On September 4th (just 18 days ago) you wrote this about your husband: "I do still love him and i couldnt imagine going a day without him" What the heck is going on?
You are both very young. IMO, I think you owe it to each other and to your daughter to try marriage counseling before you start thinking about things like moving back near your family, your hubby dating others, etc.
Think of it this way--it couldn't hurt and to me, you seem confused and unsure. Sometimes the best thing to do when you're emotional, upset, confused and unsure is...nothing. Please think about counseling.

Divorce doesn't make life easier. It just creates a new set of huge problems. You will have no control over who your husband picks for his girlfriends. If his girlfriends don't love your daughter there will be nothing you can do about it. You will have far less control over your daughters life for the next 18 years, because your husband and his new wife/girlfriends will decide how to raise her in their way, and you'll have your way. You'll have to divide her for holidays. Research shows, even in amicable divorces, that your child will NEVER feel like she belongs with either you or your husband. EVER. So you and your hsuband can't get along. And then your husband will have an even harder time getting along with his next woman. And you will have a harder time getting along with your next man because both of you will have baggage and your daughters home will forever be broken. Why aren't you fighting for your marriage with everything you've got? This is by far the most important and huge decision you will ever make with the longest, most painful consequences. Is your husband an addict? Does he beat you? Is he a child molestor? Is he an adulterer? If not, I don't think you should divorce. Believe me, I almost divorced my husband until I realized how severely I would be hurting my kids.

Consult with a qualified attorney if at all possible. What he will, or will not, be able to do is highly dependent on the jurisdiction (which is why you need professional advice - no offense to your mom).

You may also want to consult with a qualified counselor to help you deal with the emotional issues.

Divorce is very difficult and, for me, the pain has never totally gone away. It has been hard to watch my kids deal with the consequences of that period of my life (though they are fine and well-adjusted, thank God). If there is any way to work it out you may want to consider that option. Of course everyone's situation is unique.

Good luck to you all.

1st off, I don't know what SC laws are, but here in MI, when a child is involved in a divorce, the courts will not grant a divorce until counseling is tried and there is 6mos of a separation.

So, what's the issue with getting an apt in the same complex for awhile and see how that goes 1st. You're already jumping to the conclusion that 1) He'd be bringing another woman around your daughter (right away it seems as the assumption). 2) That you'd even see him with this other said woman. 3) Custody has not been decided yet. 4) You 2 haven't even consulted anyone about the legality of a divorce in your state. AND 5) You'd be surprised... He's likely having just as many questions and anxieties as you are.

Well...when I went thru this my attorney told me if I filed for divorce then he had the right to stop me from moving so many miles away. I think it varies from state to state, but it is something like 100-150 miles away. Best advice I can give you is contact an attorney and find out the answers to these kinds of questions before you file any paperwork. I know what you mean about wanting your support system to be close by. You have said that he is wonderful father so, you might consider that when you think of moving far away. Will he still be a great father if he rarely gets to see her? Weigh it out and try to decide what is best for her and you.

Best of luck/wishes to you. I know how extremely difficult it is to go thru a divorce with young children and how hard it is to do it all on your own. Keep your head up and keep on keeping on for your daughter's sake.

Living close will make visitation/custody easier on everyone but yes, he could restrict you moving w/ your daughter (you could move but not if you have her). You said you are not right for each other so I don't get why seeing him with someone else would be so hard. Sounds like things are at least cordial between you so try to keep it that way. You have to do what is best for your daughter.

I have to disagree with Marci. I'm divorced, and although it wasn't easy initially, it was for the best. If you and your husband aren't happy, you won't be very good role models for your daughter.

My ex and I have worked very hard to keep our daughter's best interest at heart and address her needs above all else. We've come through this as very good friends. In fact, he always says that I'm the best friend he ever had!

We're both remarried, and my daughter adores her stepparents. Her stepmom is terrific! And over time, we've become good friends.

As far as him having control over your life -- as long as you set your boundaries, he shouldn't. Is he normally a controlling person? If you moved closer to your Mom, you could still meet halfway for visitations. But talk to a lawyer. I really don't think he can prevent you from leaving the state.

Good luck -- you and your daughter will be fine. Kids are very resilient when they are secure in the knowledge that they are loved and cherished.

Unfortunately when you have a child with someone, you are tied to them for life. I'm divorced but I do not let my ex husband dictate or control my life. I just try to make my decisions based on what's best for our daughter. It's not always easy but you have to stand up for what's best for your child. When you put their needs first, you rarely go wrong.

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I would contact a lawyer. Wait until the divorce/custody is taken care of to make plans to move (include these plans in the paperwork), even IF he says you can take your daughter and go (at least in Ohio) he can then go and file for divorce and custody in your absence, win, and then go after you for non custodial parent kidnapping, which I'm sure you do not want to deal with. In some states you can get a morality clause in the parenting plan/custody agreement that states neither parent can have non-related overnight guests while the child is in their care. Remember that whatever you do in the meantime regarding physical custody/visitation will set the precedent for what the courts will decide. I am sorry you are dealing with this, it is a very hard thing, you are not alone and it WILL get better!

Contact an attorney. I'm not divorced, but my best friend (neighbor) just went through a bitter divorce- married for 3 days when he started having an affair... she found out a year later (and a child later)... tried to make it work for a year.... no dice.

She tried to go with a more ammicable mediation process, but the visitation was the sticking point. The only person who can really help you navigate this is a lawyer. In many states, if your husband files a suit for custody you will not be allowed to move until the situation is resolved and that resolution may include a radius.

He isn't taking control over your life... feels like it, but he's not. You do not/should not live nextdoor to him, but at the same time your daughter should have access to both of you regularly. Keep in mind, you don't "have a child together"... you are married and have created a life together. Electing to separate from one another doesn't make your wishes more important than his.