Question for Moms of Preemies

Gosh it is so hard to have to leave your baby in the NICU.. Our daughter was there for a short time and we were not able to be there the entire time..

I could hardly speak to anyone I was so upset.. My husband was also extremely protective of me. Answering questions and keeping even just our own parents informed was soo hard.. We just wanted privacy, but also knew they needed information too..

We came home with no baby so seeing the house so empty was heart breaking.. People sent gift cards for restaurants, they sent us food, my mother came over and did some laundry and changed our sheets one day..

Also all of the Grandparents took turns going to NICU at strange hours when we could not be there.

ASK what it is they need or want right now..

There is a wonderful free site called lotsahelpinghands.com

It is a way for 1 person to let everyone have updates, ways to help.. When a good time to visit.. etc.. Check it out and see if you can be the administrator for your sister and her husband..

I just remembered one gesture that really touched me.. Our Aunt sent a tiny box with the most beautiful tiny baby ballet slippers I had ever seen.. With a beautiful note saying she knew everything was going to be ok and she could not wait to meet her new Great Niece.. It was such a beautiful reminder of our baby girl who WOULD be coming home soon..

I'm assuming baby is still in the hospital and your sister is home or visiting the baby daily? Even if not, and she is still in the hospital, maybe gas money or definitely dinners or something for her husband? If you live away from her, is there a company that caters meals that you could use, which she could put in the freezer. Preemie clothes? They so small in the smallest of small clothes - once they can wear clothes. It is really time consuming, draining and tiring visiting each day, she is probably still trying to get her milk in too. If you are able try to visit her to lend your support if she would like that, you'd have to ask first. Some want to be left to concentrate on their new bundle. Good wishes to your family.

My family lives in California and I'm in Virginia - so we don't have family near...

When Greg was born 6 weeks early - the NICU was GREAT!!! My parents didn't come out until he was 3 months old - that for me was a GREAT thing - as it allowed up to get into a groove/routine.

For preemies that are sick in the NICU like my Nicky was? Help with the older kid(s)...thank God we had good friends and Greg was going to Kindercare part time...they took him full time for us so that we could concentrate on Nicky. We hired a cleaning service to come in and clean the house and we had people from church make us meals that we could put in the freezer and pull out and heat to eat...we were taken care of for 3 weeks for that - we didn't have to do a lot other than go to the hospital and sleep...it was VERY comforting...

I didn't have anything that annoyed me. People were WONDERFUL to us.

we need more info...will the baby be in the hospital for some time? Are there other children in the family needing care? Is there a support system setup for at home AND at the hospital?

Our daughter was in the NICU & then in the PICU....for almost 3 weeks. I was at home recovering, not only from the c-section, but also from torn abdominal muscles. I stayed home & cared for our older son who was in school. My DH stayed with our daughter....& since the hospital was 2 hours away, he lived with his sister during those 3 weeks.

We spent a ton of $$ in travel expenses, eating at the hospital, & in all of the little extras that came with the entire event. Those 3 weeks taught us a lot about emergency preparedness & coping with medical events! Since then, we've been thru 4 major surgeries for our older son & heart surgery for my DH. Here's a list of what we've learned:

**ready cash, lots of small bills.
**notebook/pens to take notes from the dr, nurses, & other staff. I also used it to journal my days & write reminders for at home.
**activity book/something to read.
**hankerchiefs....those Kleenex get really old quickly.
**personal care kit: chapstick (very dry at the hospital), pain reliever, hand lotion, hand sanitizer, deodorant, small kit of shampoo/body wash, tooth brush/paste, etc. There are nights when you have to stay....or in the case of my DH's heart surgery...I stayed 24/7 until he was released, relying on my Mom/family/my older son to provide for my younger son's transportation to/from school/hospital.
**a small blanket/travel pillow.
**a camera. Seriously, you don't want to miss those early photos.
**food bag: fresh & dried fruit, PB, crackers, beef jerky, chocolate!, & other snacks. I also kept a cooler in my truck with cutup vegies. All of this was readily available in the cafeteria, but I just restocked daily & kept costs down. (my Mom kept the cooler stocked for me :) )

that's all I can think of right now....it's emotionally traumatic to live thru this & it feels unending. Taking the time to care for yourself.....makes it a lot easier, but it's the last thing you're thinking of at the time. We learned thru our mistakes/omissions with our daughter.....& then applied what we learned with each event since then. Hope this all helps.....prayers to you & your family.

One way you could help is by providing gift cards..... get a basic gift card that they can use on gas, meals, etc..... they may be spending a lot of time at the hospital if they can, and gas to get back and forth may get expensive, as will all the eating out.

Also... get an outfit in a larger size... showing your confidence that their baby will be home and growing into that outfit! (I like the idea of the baby ballet shoes... so cute!)

first when my son was in the nicu the best thing people could do for me was bring me/family meals & help out with other kids or the house...everyone wants to go to the hospital to visit but that causes a lot more stress, & the baby needs to get better & rest. people mowed my lawn, did my dishes & laundry & babysat which was awesome, then when baby comes home everyone can come visit. even a basket or bag with snacks to take to the hospital is helpful because the last thing you want to do is leave to get something to munch on! also gas cards are good cause it is one less thing to worry about

My daughter was born 13 weeks early and had to stay 9 weeks in the NICU. Tell everyone to stay away for now. I know she is a new mom, and if it's her 1st(?) she's still proud as can be, but scared, the baby needs as little stress as possible.
Your sister needs support. Love. Prayers. Help at home more than anything. Keep up with other kids, pets, laundry, lawn, bills, just daily life that piles up while she is at the hospital. She will need food that is home cooked. You could keep up communication on how the baby is doing, even set up a Facebook page. She will forget who she talked to and told what. Call her church and put her on the prayer list, because just knowing that people are thinking about that precious baby means more than anything. Good luck!

People I know who've had s child in the NICU have appreciated gift cards for nearby restaurants. I'm sure hospital food gets boring after a couple of weeks (and expensive!).

If a lot of people aren't close by but you are then take up a collection and stock their fridge w/healthy but quick meals. They will be traveling back and forth a lot to the hospital to be with the baby. Things that they could throw in a bag and take would be awesome so they don't have to rely on hospital food. Maybe even buy small cooler bags for them to transport things in. Throw in some napkins, plastic silverware, etc. Or you could hire someone to come clean the house or do it yourself? Coming home to chores after a long day at the hospital would be tough. Is their nursery set up? If not, maybe they need help doing that. I wouldn't just do it though - definitely ask on that one first. Otherwise, I think nice cards in the mail, flowers, etc. are of course appropriate.

My second son was born prematurely, he was 4 weeks early. I am living in South Korea and I couldn't make it to the Army medical center that's in Seoul about 4 hours away. My water ended up breaking on my first son's birthday and I had to have an emergency C-section the next day. What helped me most was hoping and praying he would be ok, every day despite the pain I was in I would waddle up to the nursery and see him. My husband would come to the hospital everyday with me seeing as he couldn't stay because of our oldest son. I have to say what annoyed me the most was I wasn't allowed to hold or touch my son until til the day he could go home. In Korean hospitals if the babies are preemies they won't let you hold or touch them. I begged them to let me hold him so I could start nursing ASAP, but they wouldn't let me because they were afraid he'd get sick, even though after a few days in the NICU he was pronounced ok and moved to the regular nursery. Finally a week after I had been released he was released. I suggest just being really supportive, try making that family some meals to help lessen the stress if they are home and baby is still in the hospital. My son is now 4 months old and is doing well. I hope her baby is well. Good luck to you.

My son was 7 weeks early as well. I was at the hospital almost all the time to be with him for 2 weeks. Once I got home friends made meals which was really helpful. If you're not nearby gift certificates for restaurants other than fast food in the area would be good. Especially if they deliver. An edible arrangement I received was nice since it was cheery and gave a lot of fresh fruit to eat. If you know any friends in the area that have older kids you can seeing about making an arrangement to pay them for however many hours as a mother's helper. They can do light cleaning, laundry, make sandwiches for lunch. Little things like that are a big help since mom will be exhausted and stressed-especially if she is pumping.

Just stay positive and supportive. Have her turn her phone off if she is going to take a nap. If she get's overwhelmed just try to have her take at one day at a time. If it's important to her to breastfeed have her pump regularly to get her supply up. My son couldn't BF right away but after a month or 2 and with the help of a nipple shield we finally got it down pat.

My son is now 5 years old and super strong, healthy and bright. He was a little behind other kids his age with milestones but he made them all when he was ready. By 1 1/2 -2 years he was all caught up.

Best wishes to your sister and family.

I would say it depends on her personality. I am an extremely private person and my first child was born 7 weeks early. I was too focused on the baby that I didn't want to talk with anyone. People would call but I just let voice mail pick it up. I would let my husband handle it all and really the only people he talked to were my mom and his parents. I think you need to give her a bit of time to figure out what they are going to do. Like her getting discharged, how they will handle the NICU etc. Some people are there 24/7, some can't handle it and only go 2-3 times per week. The only thing I appreciated was a good friend sent already made meals frozen that I could just pop in the oven when we ate. Everything else just annoyed me. Even when we got her home (3 weeks later) I just wanted to be left alone with my daughter and husband so we could finally just all be together in our own home. So I think it really depends on what kind of people they are.

Mine was born 4 weeks early. I did leave earlier then the baby, but then stayed at the hospital until she was released due to a medication error (long story). So I was only released for a few hours before having to go back in. I could only leave the hosp. in very short spurts, so I really appreciated all the gift cards I recieved. Starbucks, food, gas, prepaid visa's, etc. they were all put to good use. It was nice to get to go out, when I could, and get something I needed/wanted and not have to worry about money.