Hi,
My dear friend since childhood just delivered her twin daughters at 29.5 weeks gestation. They obviously will be in the NICU for some time. Anyone who has had the experience of a preterm delivery, what did you find most helpful from friends and family? I want to be as helpful and supportive as possible. She does not have other children at home who will need help. Would meals, gift certificates, infant supplies, house cleaning, any of that be helpful?
Thanks in advance.
Thank you for your wonderful ideas. I visited today with your ideas in tow. I too, am a mother of twins, and so many of your ideas are what helped my family in the first weeks even though ours were able to come home with us. I really appreciate your help and your positive stories and words of encouragement. Thank you!
I usually don't buy clothes as baby gifts, but I make an exception for preemies. I try to get a nice cuddly long-sleeved outfit with feet for them in preemie size- it helps to see them as a real baby when they have clothes that fit!
A gas gift card would be a big help as well.
My firstborn born at 25 weeks spent her first 4 months in the NICU.
I cherish the journal that a friend gave me so that I could write what happened every day in the NICU and now my daughter has a wonderful account of her unique beginning.
I remember girlfriends taking me out to dinner and a play one night and it was such a nice relief from the hospital. My mind was on my daughter most of the time but if felt really good to have a night out.
Another friend paid for a hotel room for my husband and I shortly before my daughter was discharged. It was another great get-away from the hospital. I was thankful that my friends are great listeners - they would come to visit us in the NICU for just a half hour at a time and let me just talk about what was going on.
Preemie clothes were nice but they had to snap up(no zippers) because you have to allow for all the wires and tubes.
My daughter is now 6, in first grade and aside from being the smallest kid in her class she is perfectly healthy in every way and very smart.
When my daughter was in NICU (29 weeker - in hospital 53 days) what I found useful was a basket full of healthy snacks, pens, notecards - I wrote my Thank you's while sitting beside her since holding time was nonexistence to very little for the majority of the time but it was where I needed to be! Cash or hospital cafeteria vouchers would be good to grab a quick meal. Or homemade frozen meals in 1-2 portions to reheat as needed. A cute water bottle to remind her to stay hydrated if she's breastfeeding! If she's comfortable with you doing her laundry, that would be super! I lived at the NICU 8-12ish (often 1) went home to pump, eat, nap, pump, eat then back from 5-9 (often 10ish!) - I didn't have other kids at home either. A journal - there is so much to remember but too much to remember!!! Most importantly just offer support - sometimes it just gets overwhelming. There's an adreneline (sp?) rush at the beginning then all of a sudden exhaustion and she just may need a good friend with a listening ear and a box of kleenex! When it gets closer to them coming home if there are things she needs still it would be nice to do those errands. We got told one morning she could come home - my mom went to toys r us and bought a crib, I went home and made room for it, vaccumed and got the car seat! I had friends and my parents that took turns giving me rides to hospital before I could drive myself. Gas gift cards would be helpful too. Oh someone gave me a whole bunch of paper plates and plastic silverware so i didn't have to worry about so many dishes!
Yes to everything you suggested. But I was really lonely and kinda stressed. A friend that didn't need me, that I could have leaned on, would have been helpful. (We were new to the area, far away from friends/family). I spent all my time at the NICU, my husband worked long hours, and I'd go to bed while my husband went to the NICU to visit our son. I was alone the whole time and even though it was a 3 week time, that was a LOOOOOONG 3 weeks! I don't know what we did as far as eating or laundry. Those things would be helpful. The supplies will be taken care of by the hospital for now. But someone to talk to or have lunch with is very good. And yeah, preemie clothes because noone buys those ahead of time! Also if you're "crafty", perhaps helping start the scrapbook if she's interested in doing one.
By the way, our preemie is now a happy, healthy, thriving, super smart, super social, funny 4 year old. He seems to succeed in everything he does so far and is active in church, preschool, kung fu, awanas, and soccer. There IS hope and normal life does return!
set up a care calendar....Meals are defintiely appreciated. If you do a gift certificate purchase one toward a cleaning lady :)
One of my dearest friends that lives across the street from us, had her little boy at just 25 weeks, her husband still had to work during this time, and the NICU was an hr and half away.... Another one of the neighbors/friends and i made a poster and past it around the whole development we live in, we did a doughnut fundraising (Krispy Kreme), we made them a TON of money, some people were so generous, they just bought a few boxes, and said to bring them to nurses at the NICU. On the evenings her husband worked, my husband and I would have her for dinner, the last thing she needed was to cook a meal. I also drove her to the NICU a few times to save on gas money for her.
I wish the best for your friend and her family!
This is a great question. I might have a nephew that could come early. His mom was having contractions after a minor surgery this past weekend and she is 23 weeks. She is on a major doctor watch right now. So I have been wondering the same thing. Can't wait to read more suggestions.
I read the other posts and I think the the suggestions are great. I just wanted to point out that when the babies get home she will have her hands full. Having someone over to help daily for a while will be a great help for her. Any one who has had one baby know how exhusted we get keeping up with diapers, feeding and laundry for one. I have heard of twins who end up on opposite schedules about the time you get one down and asleep the other one wakes up, leaving Mom no time for herself. Having someone come over so Mom can get a shower and take care of herself makes Mommy feel so much better.
Giving her a gift card for a spa day or just a salon vist for a new hairdo might help her too.
Gas cards helped us a lot because we had to travel to a hospital with a NICU which was not in the city in which we lived and it got costly quickly.
My son was born at 33 1/2 weeks and was in the NICU for 2 weeks.
1. Meal delivery (casseroles or items that freeze well)...She is so emotionally stressed right now, this would be a lifesaver
2. House cleaning. Again such a weight to be lifted off her shoulders.
3. Preemie clothes are a great idea. I had to run out and purchase mine on the fly.
Your friendship! I'm sure she would value anything from the heart.
My son was born at 32 weeks, 2 lbs. 13 oz. He spent 4 weeks in the NICU. Dinners and cleaning are great ideas. Also, if they haven't had time to set the nursery up, that might be a good idea. I hadn't had any of my baby showers yet so I had nothing ready for him. A journal is a great idea. Also, gas cards. The hospital my son was in was out of town so it was expensive to driver there every day. Also, one of my friends had access to my myspace account (that was the big thing back then) and she would post news about my son on there so others would know how he was doing. That was such a big help to me since I had no time to share news with others. But the biggest thing was friends/family stopping by the hospital to visit with us. I was there for 8-10 hrs a day and it could be lonely at times. Having someone to talk to and share my fears and hopes for the future was so nice. Btw...my son is now a healthy, happy 3 1/2 year old who loves to be outside as much as possible. Best of luck to your friend.
I went into labor at 29 week and had to stay at the hospital for 29 days on bed rest. My son was born at 33 weeks and spent 23 days inthe NICU. Parking garage vouchers along with gas cards would be good. Healthy snacks and a case of water for them to bring bottles up every day. Brown bag lunches as it gets too expensive to eat out every day and I had at least one or two meals there every day. We lived an hour from the hospital and spent many hours in the car as we had a 19 month old to care for at home. Meals for when they come home would also be great. Many people have given great suggestions. Just being there for them is also helpful. My son will be turning 4 in May and is a happy and healthy little boy.
Frozen meals where all you have to do is pop them in the oven. The last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner. My husband's best friend and his wife ordered frozen meals and had them sent to my house. Then came still frozen in dry ice and it was so wonderful. How much support would she need? In the sense of what kind of personality does she have? I am a very, very private person and spent all my time in the NICU and didn't want to talk to anyone until my daughter came home. The majority of my friends and family left me alone which I really appreciated. When she came home I was more willing to talk on the phone. My house was never dirty since we were never there and I just did quick laundry when I came home at night. Maybe ask her what she needs done. If she doesn't know already there is an awesome preemie support group on babycenter.com. In case she has questions that only other preemie moms could answer.
