Keep Trying for 2Nd Baby???

Do you want another baby? If so, then try.

We decided when I was 39 to just go for it. Look deep inside, listen, and you will hear what you need to hear. I think you want another. So try.

no I would not keep trying,

I would look into adoption and be so glad I could rescue a child that needed me more than anything in the world.

I am sorry you have had so many health issues. Those alone have probably taken a toll on you mentionally as well as physically.

I understand you long for another child but from a personal perspective.... having an only child is not some sort of curse.

Only children can grow up and be very happy, well adjusted and well socialized adults. Don't allow the phony stories of onlies skew your mind. My daughter, as well as several only children of other moms on this site are very good kids, not spoiled brats and appreciative of their small, tightknit family.

There are plenty of onlies who are all about me, me me but that rings true for some children with siblings as well.

We have an only daughter who just turned 18 and we decided at 1 child that our family was complete and we've never had any regrets. She has never asked for siblings. We also can't guarantee that siblings will be close.

My house is the house that is always full of teens. Many of these teens have siblings at home. I have been told many times that this is the favorite spot for the teens because they can get away from siblings, have some time with friends and not worry because they know things are safe here and I know what is going on 24/7.

That said... if you and your husband are on board for #2 and can financially manage it, work to get yourself healthy (mentally and physically) and cherish each day with the wonderful 7 yr old you have. If you are blessed with #2, then best of wishes to you...

Congratulations on getting through cancer and chemo. That's fantastic!

I just want to address a couple of points. Whether you have another child or not, your daughter will not be "alone." She'll have you and your husband for as long as you live. She'll always have friends. She'll most likely have a spouse one day. If she has any cousins, she'll always have them too. Aloneness is something some people are trapped in, and that some people choose, but it really doesn't have much to do with siblings. Your first task is helping her be happy with the family she has, whether or not it involves a new sibling.

As to your health issues, this really sounds like a question for a specialist. Can you get either your OB or your oncologist to refer you to someone who specializes in post-chemo pregnancies? If you do get the all-clear, I wouldn't set a calendar year as an arbitrary deadline, but I would go into this with close medical supervision.

Congrats on your health strides! Do not be hard on yourself, and do not have a baby just so your child "won't be alone". You cannot guarantee a sibling relationship at all. I have a younger sister (2 years) and we have nothing in common and are not close. I have friends that are closer. Your daughter will have friends, and other family. If YOU want to try for YOU and your family, do so. But don't do it for her. Be gentle with yourself.

If the reason you want more kids is so that your daughter won't be alone, then stop. Stop now.
A sibling is not a guarantee of comapnionship, and with a 7-year age gap, it's not as though they're going to be playmates.
I have a sister. We're three years apart. I love her dearly, would throw myself in front of a speeding locomotive for her, but growing up, we had little in common beyond the gene pool.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't had any miscarriages of my own, but my mother had 4 of them. She had 3 babies, then after I was born she had 3 back-to-back miscarriages, then 2 more babies, and 1 more miscarriage. Are you the kind of person who can let God handle it? If so, I'd encourage you to not *try, but also to not *not try. Just enjoy the marital act with your husband and see what happens.

Do some research on the Paleo/Primal diet. May help relieve your issues with weight, fertility, and cancer. I say get healthy by changing your eating habits, and good health/fertility will follow. Then you will feel more confident about trying for #2. GL

I was very young when doctors told me that I could never have children.
Miraculously, I had my daughter years later and couldn't have been happier. I felt like my prayers had been answered and really didn't even think about having another child. Then, my daughter started getting older and really voicing her desire to have a younger sibling. I couldn't blame her, heck, I had a sister, but she had known over the years that it really wasn't a choice for me, I just couldn't have another baby. We talked about the possibility of maybe someday adopting. I'd been in and out of the hospital her whole life so bugging me constantly about it wouldn't have done her any good. I just talked openly with her about her feelings. She had a right to them. But, on the bright side, I was very blessed and thankful to have her. She was a gift and God had answered my prayers.

My husband and I tried to have a baby. It just never happened. My health declined, and it was time for me to just have a complete hysterectomy. I had a diseased uterus, only a partial ovary on the right side and a scarred up sickly little tube on the left. I was in so much pain, I couldn't even ride in the car. My procedure was scheduled for January of the following year for insurance deductible reasons. I truly resolved myself to the fact it just wasn't possible for me to have another child.

In October, I started feeling ill. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
Now, over the years, I'd spent about 4 million dollars in pregnancy tests that were always negative so pregnancy never even crossed my mind.
SURPRISE!!!
I was pregnant.
I was also in shock.

My point is that sometimes when we don't "try" to get pregnant, nature has a funny way of taking it's course.

Speak with your husband and your doctor. The main thing is for you to be healthy both physically and emotionally. You are still dealing with a loss, which I am so sorry to hear of, by the way. Make sure YOU feel ready to have another baby and that you will be okay if it can't happen. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Don't let your daughter put pressure on you. You and your body have been through a lot.

Whatever you do, don't feel like you have to "try" too hard.
I know so many people, including myself, who finally gave up "trying" and ended up pregnant.

Be good to yourself and your body first. Then, let what happens, happen.

I wish you the very best.

P.S. My kids are just shy of 10 years apart.

1) Hopefully your Husband ALSO wants to.
2) You need to see your OB/GYN about things and get a check up.
3) I miscarried once... then had my son.
4) With both my pregnancies, I was of "advanced maternal age." Meaning, I was over 35 years old. Both pregnancies were normal, we conceived normally, and thankfully both my kids were born fine and healthy. But I had to have c-sections with them. And with both pregnancies, I got the Amniocentesis testing.

Not all siblings get along.

You said you want to have another baby, then don't give up. The main thing is to keep calm and don't feel like you are trying. Just relax. You mentioned miscarriages. Yes, they are heart breaking. The good news is that you can conceive, which is half the battle. It also means you might have to go on bed rest when you do conceive agian. My grandmother had miscarriages, but that didn't stop her. She had 9 children. You might want to consult your doctor to see if you need a little help. Another option is to adopt, which is really great since you would be able to chose the sex and age of the child.

My experience with siblings. I'm classified as an "almost only." "Almost onlies" are children that are born with a large age difference between their other siblings. The sister closest in age to me is 15 years older and the rest of my siblings are older than her. I love it! it's like having the best of both worlds. For one thing, my parents viewed all of their children as equal. Our parents were our parents. My parents didn't believe in older siblings taking care of younger siblings, because they just didn't think that was fair to the older siblings. I had fun with my older siblings and I have always been extremely close to the one that's 15 years older than me. We do everything together....shop, cry, laugh, etc. I can still remember my one sibling buying me matchbox cars, my other running away from home, and the other one taking me on fantastic vacations. It's all about the family and it sound like you came from a good one.

Ah, I just wanted to say I understand! I also have one child (3yrs), am older (43), and have health complications (a possible degenerative muscle disease), am about 35lbs over weight (gotta love prednisone!) and had an early miscarriage this fall. And I completely understand the desire to have another baby so that my daughter will not be an only child.

Because of my autoimmune condition, I need to be in remission and time it perfectly, so have gone the IVF route to have a baby. I am also torn as far as if I should be happy with our family as it is, or if I should give it one more try. I am just at the point with my health that I could try IVF again if I wanted. It's a very difficult decision. For me, I also have a wild card in that I also risk a flare (rare but possible) with my disease that could make it difficult for me to be a mom to the daughter I have, let alone a 2nd....at least until I get it under control again.

I honestly have gone back and forth. After my miscarriage I was definitely sad. I had spent 3 years trying to get in remission so I could try again.

Toward stopping at one, I will say there are 2 things that play in my mind. 1. My child won't be alone for long. 2. I should focus on what I have and enjoy my child while I can.

When I started talking to people, (which I suggest you do as well) I quickly learned about MANY that were either only children themselves, or had only children. And gotta say - NOT ONE OF THEM HAD ANYTHING NEGATIVE TO SAY. I was surprised. I also come from a large family, so think I just don't really understand what it would be like to be an only child. It was good to talk to people. One of the things that stands out is hearing from her preschool teacher that she was an only child. Her parents actually died when she was 2 and she was raised by an aunt. But she said she never felt alone, and married in her early 20's and had 6 children! So she was "alone" for a very small amount of time actually. :) I had completely forgotten that my "only child' would eventually probably start her own family...and at that point never be "alone" again.

The other thing that I keep playing in my mind when trying to decide what to do, is an article I read on a woman that made the decision to stop trying for her 2nd. While literrally walking out the door for her umpteenth IVF procedure, her 7 yr old daughter stood at the door and asked her if there was anything wrong with her. She was wondering why her mom was trying so hard for so many years to get a brother or sister....wasn't she good enough for her, she asked her mom? HEARTBREAKING! I don't talk about it much, if at all, with my daughter. But it does consume my mind sometimes, especially when going through the IVF. Should I not be focused on what I have and not so concerned about what I don't.

My daughter was truly my miracle. Looking back at my pregnancy and my disease, she may be my one and only really. And she is perfect in every way. I do try to socialize her as much as I can. We visit cousins and friends all the time, almost every day we see/play with someone. But as I'm sure you understand, it's just different...not having a "buddy" at home all the time.

UGH. It is just so hard! I know. Honestly, I think we will try one more time in a couple months. After that I will stop. I have to. I believe I owe trying to my daughter, but I also owe stopping to try to my daughter at some point too.

Good luck with your decision. I pray you find peace with whatever you decide! I don't believe there is a wrong choice!

You should have a second child because you want one, not because your daughter wants a sibling.

I also recently posted a somewhat similar question...and was surprised to find that quite a few people were not fond of their siblings. This shocked me as I am so close to my two sisters and can't imagine anyone not having their sibling be their best friends. (can take a look at the responses if you're interested).

That being said...I have a few friends (including my DH) who are only-children and don't seem to care as much (at least as adults) that they don't have siblings, because now they have created their own close group of friends and family.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure you're daughter will be just fine and will have the great relationships you want her to have.

If it were me? I'd try for the 2nd...and if it's meant to be...it will happen. If not, then thank God for the beautiful daughter He's already given you!

What does your heart say? What does hubby say? If the answer to these are yes then do it. Only you know what is the best for your family.

So your daughter would be about 8 when a baby would be born if you got pregnant soon. My sister is 7 years younger than me and we weren't close until later in life really. I loved her and yet there was too much of a space to really play much together. On the other hand some kids don't care so much about playing together as just seeing and having a baby. You don't know about how the siblings would bond as far as closeness. If you had a boy and he was 8 and your daughter was 16 would they be 'close'? But if you really want another child I would talk with your doctor and see what happens. Don't let the miscarriage scare you. You could miscarry again and yet you might not either. Large families are so great. We have 8 children but then again everyone can't have that many or even want that many. Do it because you want to add to your family and and not just for a sibling for your daughter. Be sure when your daughter is gone from the home, at 18 maybe, you want to be taking care of a 10 year old.

I would try again but get assessed by your ob. Gluck.

Don't forget, your body still has all that chemistry in it.

You would need to ask a naturopath some heavy questions were you to follow this path - for your unborn's sake.

What you might visit on your unborn is all the nasty garbage your body was subjected to only 2 years ago.

Check into Sally Fallon Morell - Nourishing Traditions - it's a health-changing book of many different food-based treatments - how to treat your food in a healthy way.

Ramiel Nagel has a book on healthy pregnancy. If you are going to try to get pregnant, get your body ready to nourish your new little one.

There is so much more, but really, those are the two places to start.

Be gentle with yourself, be candid with your daughter. You may or may not be able to have more children - but do not have them 'for her'. She will not be raising them, nor will she appreciate them when they are here 100% of the time.

Good luck & God bless,
M.

If you want to keep trying go ahead.
There's no guarantee siblings will be compatible and get along.
My sister and I never got along and we still don't.
We each only have one child.
It seems the only thing we CAN agree on is that we don't want to put our kids through what we went through = sibling torture.
Siblings are no guarantee about being alone either.
My Mom's cousin had 4 brothers and sisters (and 3 other siblings that died in infancy (this was the 1930's and 40's)).
One by one they all passed away over the years (3 heart attacks and 1 to cancer).
The youngest is the only one left alive now - she's in her 70's.