Question About PreSchooler's Behavior

Maybe he really IS mad at Grandma... for not taking him back to Portugal! =-) At 4 years of age he doesn't understand the concept of travelling and what it entails. He thinks you simply drive to the airport, get on a plane and voila! They are in Portugal again.

You said he had a great time so why wouldn't he want to go back? We took our kids on vacation this past Summer and for the few months after my 4 y/o DS could not understand why we couldn't just get back on the plane and go there again. He was mad about it and we had to just keep explaining why. He's over it now.

Anyway just a thought. Forgive me if I'm way off base LOL!

BTW, have you asked you DS why he is so mad? At this age they can articulate quite a bit. Ask him NOT while he is angry but during cuddle time with you.

I think he probably didn't worry too much about you when he was gone, but when he came home, he realized that baby brother was home with you the whole time he was gone! Maybe, he's mad because of that. I don't think it means anything big, it will take him awhile to realize everything's the same at home. Being mean is not acceptable, but maybe you can talk to him about how much you missed him, and how much he missed you, and how glad you are that he's home, and what he was feeling on his trip. He just isn't finding the words to express his emotions, so he's acting out.

Maybe the 2 week vacation w/ Grandma made him miss you so much that he is afraid Grandma is going to become Mommy & Mommy is going to go away. I would simply give him lots of love & attention, let Grandma maintain a little distance & let your son understand that you are his mom & always will be, even if he goes on vacation w/ Grandma. Sounds like he just missed you & needs reassurance that you will be his mom & Grandma will not take over that role. Too much grandma time & not enough Mommy time perhaps.

I'd find out if anything happened in Portugal.

There were a lot of changes in our house when my daughter turned 4 and she got a baby sister. We suddenly had behavior problems that we had never had before. I think at that age, change can make kids feel very insecure. They understand that things are different and start to realize that there are consequences to change, but they don't really know how to communicate how they are feeling about it so they act out.
All the things that you mention make sense to me as possible reasons for his behavior change. I'm sure that he did have a great time on his trip with Grandma, but he could still have some conflicted emotions about going away from home (a place he feels secure) or from going away from Mommy and Daddy. In any case, I would guess that he is feeling insecure about something related to going away from home/ you OR your attention or Grandma's attention to the baby. OR it could be both.

I would read some children's books to him about traveling away from home and books about having siblings. Talk to him about feelings and emotions without putting any words in his mouth, but just start giving him the vocabulary so he can learn to communicate his feelings. Also give him some one-on-one attention without the baby and Grandma should so the same and reassure him that you both love him and will always be there.

These sorts of things really helped with my daughter at that age. It did take a while before her behavior went completely back to normal (probably close to 10 months), but things eventually worked themselves out.
Wish you all the best!
B.

Kids grow, test boundaries - what can I get away with. They need boundaries set clearly and consistently. If he is rude to someone, that person needs to take responsibility and set her boundaries with him. It is not okay to speak rudely to anyone. Vovo needs to set those boundaries with him.

If it changed RIGHT when he got back from his trip I would be very suspicious about what went on down there. You need to try to find this out from him.