3 Year Old Acting Out, Unsure How to Deal, Trying Not to Let It Get to Me But...

I never understood the statement, "terrible twos" because I always felt that it should have been the 'terrifying threes'.

That of course, does not make it easier.

He is trying to re-establish or find out where his boundaries are.

I always found charts to help my little ones. I would draw boxes and at the end paste a picture of a small toy I knew they wanted. Every time I saw good behavior, I would allow my little darling to color one box in. The first time you do this, you have to make a pretty quick end goal...like six boxes so there is a reward and they can associate their behavior with a reward. But as time goes on if you need more charts, it can be for longer and longer time periods.

Good luck!

It sounds like a normal developmental stage. I could be a reaction to everything going on (visiting family, even if it's a good thing, can add to the stress level).

Just stay with the calm and firm, like you have been. He needs to know that you are there and consistant for him. It will be especially helpful once baby comes that routines have been and remain mostly stable.

And the "I don't like you" etc is normal from kids this age. They still don't fully understand their emotions, and this is the best way he can think of the express how he's feeling. When he says things like this, restate it for him "I understand you are unhappy/angry with what is going on right now, but the rule is that ..." You'll be helping him find the words to better express himself in the future.

And it's okay to cry over it. Even if he sees you. Parents are human, too. Keep yourself under control as much as you can, of course, and if you need to, take a "mommy time out" (make sure he's somewhere safe, or have someone over) where you go in your room and allow yourself to cry. Sometimes the emotional release helps you get everything back together again, and it is definitely more healthy for you and baby to let it out than bottle it up.

Sound normal to me.

He's a little young to get the whole baby in tummy thing, so don't chalk that up to sibling rivalry. He really doesn't understand what that means exactly, and only is asking b/c you have been talking about it constantly, and can see that your body is going through changes. You thinking he is upset with you over a baby sister shouldn't hold any weight. Still though, I would lay off the whole baby talk for a week or so. Instead, talk him up, fill him with positive reinforcement and let him know how he is such a big boy and you are going to be needing him to be your special helper soon.

For the grandparent thing, I don't even understand what the issue is with that. He probably had fun, and does miss them... why worry over that?

For the tantrum, it's all developmental. He is getting older and more independent and assertive. There are several techniques you can help with that.

For him being upset with you and telling you he doesn't like you, perhaps you have been emotional to him or others, and your behavior has changed and he picks up on it. Children sense these things and being pregnant, by your own admittance, causes hormones to make us extra sensitive, as well as makes us have a more difficult time moving around, standing, breathing, being extra tired.... I agree, it would hurt my feelings as well, but remember that he really does love and cherish you, just maybe doesn't have the best communication on explaining why he is upset or angry. Even though it is out of character for him, kids, like adults have their off moments. There are techniques to help children who are going through 'angry' episodes that can help.

Okay, so here is the discipline techniques... scroll down to the 'Bothersome behavior' section and it specifically addresses tantrums/hitting.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

Here is a section about helping a child handle their anger:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061700.asp

I have a 3 year old baby girl. She is turning 4 last half of June 2011. And man can I relate to you on this. I am not pregnant yet, but we are going to be trying for baby #2 in June or July of this year. My daughter told me just last night that she does not like me because I am mean to her. She has been extra emotional this week, can't wait to get home today and just relax since it's Friday. But I do think that it's a phase they go through, she even told me that she was going to ask her daddy to help her find a new mommy. I thought that was hilarious when she said that, of course she does not mean it, but they don't know how to express themselves. Don't worry about him, he will be okay and will love his baby sister when she is born. Just keep reminding him that he is your first baby and is going to be a great big brother. My dd is already asking for a baby brother and baby sister and even though some people say she does not know what she is asking for, I think she knows. Hang in there and take it easy, congrats on your baby.

I didn't have this experience because when I was pregnant with my second child my son was 11. But to me it just sounds like jealousy. I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't cry...pregnant or not it's o.k. to cry because I'm sure it doesn't feel good for your little man to say those things to you. If it were me I wouldn't concentrate so much on how to punish him...not saying that I wouldn't but I would try to give him more attention than usual because maybe he thinks you like the new baby more than him and you're going to forget about him. Maybe take him for ice cream or to the park...I know you're probably not feeling well and extremely tired but I would spend as much time as I could with him and everytime you buy something for the new baby maybe get him a little something too so he won't feel left out. Good luck!!! : )

My son is almost 4 yr old.. As you wrote this note.. I just saw mine in my head. He went to Portugal for two weeks in October. He had nothing but good things to say about it. He spent time with Grandma that he lives with..and he spend with Grandma that lives in Portugal. He was spoiled. He had a good time because I spoke to him everyday. Well..he started leashing out at my Mom.. (Grandma that lives with us.) "I don't like you." kicked her and straight up didn't want to be with her at all..She would talk to him..and he would tell her to go to bed.. It lasted about 3 weeks or so.. She just kept being nice to him.. (Easier said than done on occasion.) I spoke to him about it..It wasn't going to be tolerated. I think he was trying to figure himself out again..from sharing attention to being the center of attention. Anyway...It passed.. It was annoying..but eventually got back into his routine. He is back to normal with Grandma..

I am pregnant as well.. I have been talking to him about it to try to minimize his surprise. He does well his 28 mo old brother..so hopefully it will be the same.. Granted, now I notice a little more jealousy.

EJ has major stubbornness issues..just today he kicked his pre-k teacher because she didn't give what he wanted. He's a great kid..but I am hoping it's a developmental thing. His aggression sometimes is overwhelming. They go though phases.. We just have to try to guide them in the best way possible.

Good Luck..

he's aware on some level that things are changing, and change is hard for anyone, especially guys this little. the 'mean' talk is very common and even a good thing. he is working out for himself how love works, and what it means for him as the family dynamic shifts. he's not mature enough to say 'hey! is there enough love for a new baby AND me? what are love's parameters? is there a point at which you'll stop loving me, and if so, what is it? is our love reciprocal or do you love me no matter what?' all he can do is try things and see if THAT's where the boundary lies or if he should keep pushing. and he obviously is comfortable and safe enough to check all this stuff out with you. you have made him secure enough to do that.
good for you!
so cry if it makes you sad, and tell him so simply and without blame. it's good for littles to see emotional responses in adults. it helps them understand and learn how it all works, and also where the lines are drawn. love is unconditional, but that doesn't mean all behavior is acceptable.
khairete
S.

Of course he is mad. You are his mommy and soon he will have to share, you may already be preparing for the baby in ways that he sees as paying less attention to him. I would not be mad at him. I would give him as much of your undivided attention as you can. I would tell him stories about when he was 'little' and make sure he knows you will always be his mommy. You can also (when he seems happy) talk to him about how you are going to rely on him to be the big brother - someone will need to teach the new baby all about your home and family. Make him feel involved and responsible rather than pushed aside.
Best of luck,
D.