There is one family which we're very uncomfortable with in an otherwise decent and fairly friendly neighborhood. The family has not seen eye to eye with us on how kids should play together. Back in the summer there was a post on this - their 6 year old tried to push our 3 year old off of a playscape. Although I was the only parent outside, we were told this didn't actually happen from the 6 year olds parents. Without telling us there was a problem, they told many of our other neighbors there was a problem and stopped talking first with me and then my husband. Even when my husband inquired genlty, (when they were still talking with him), he was told there was no problem.
Fast forward to now, many of our other neighbors have backed away from this family. Let's just say they're aggressive and something seems "off" about them. So, I'm seeing some more red flags and wondering why there's still some drama going on with this family about our situation a few months ago now.
Our children have tried to interact under supervision with their children and they were told to "please leave" from their property. No big deal. We respect that, but then later they invite our children to their home or their backyard by parent and kids (their kids only do invitations with their parents' permission- a good thing). Hubby and I agreed privately that it's okay for the kids to play together if we think there's supervision there.
The couple seems to fight amongst each other about our kids playing together. My hubby and I think it's okay for other people to make decisions about who their kids play with of course, but I'm tired of the back and forth, so now that it's cold out and kids play inside, my kids don't go to their home to inquire to play. When directly invited we've only backed out for good reasons (twice in the last couple of weeks), sickness, kids coming over at dinner time, etc.
I should also mention, that we've caught some backlash from other neighbors on our kids not playing with theirs (well, if what they're small children say is true - maybe some of it is kids talking to kids), which is unfair since most of our neighbors seem to have no problems deciding with whom and when they're kids can play (I'm talking kids 6-7 and under here). Believe me, I'm over the stuff with the 6 year old parents, but I suppose I'm wondering how much of this neighborhood stuff to take seriously? Suggestions?
Thanks everyone. I agree with what has been said here. It's nice to get objective feedback. Cheryl, the only family that's been doing the "invitation" thing is this particular family, beginning in September. They've grown more and more peculiar. Another red flag.... Yes, the couple does have problems as they've mentioned divorce plenty of times when we talked in the summer in a "joking" way. They seem to argue on a daily basis. Another red flag.... Boy, they just keep adding up.
Dawn, I think the neighbors don't want to admit it if their kids are uninterested in playing or if they are keeping the kids away, so they don't look bad....seems to be some politics going on and I only see the surface....Also, there are at least two other families who have stopped interacting with this couple altogether and having their kids play with theirs, but who also stay out of the gossip, so I'm not likely to hear the details.
It seems so strange that the same people giving you grief for not letting your kids play with these trouble makers also have backed away from them. What gives? I would not send my kids over there at all and I would not let your neighbors be the boss of you. There is something not right about this situation and I think you are smart to heed the red flag here.
Dawn
Let them all just sit and think what they're going to think. It sounds like this first couple in question has some problems within their own relationship that radiate outward and everyone else will either figure it out soon enough on their own-- or not. That's their business.Now, if you mean that the neighbors have gossiped about your kids not playing with their own kids, then you can say "Oh, we are busy but we'd love an invitation" and leave it at that. Put the ball in their court and see what happens.
Neighbors are neighbors, if you know what I mean. They aren't your best friends, it's not you telling your family or friends that your kids won't play with theirs. IF they are gossiping about this--well, that's just stupid. If they want the kids to play together badly enough to fuss about it, they can extend an invitation for goodness sake.
For what it's worth, our son doesn't play with all the neighbor kids on our street, just a few. He has plenty of friends and not so much in common with some of the neighbor kids. I'd be surprised if any of our neighbors gave it much thought.
You know, I just don't even get this invitation thing. Don't kids just go outside and play in the front yard? All the neighborhood kids together? Why does someone have to "invite" a child to play? I guess I just don't get it. The neighborhood children will come knock on the door and ask if x can play. She either can or can't. If she can, they go outside, or the child will come in for a bit and then they go outside or x will ask if she can go to her friend's house. But there is no "invitation." And when my granddaughter has a problem with her friends outside, I tell her I'm sorry that happened and try to occupy her so she doesn't feel bad and then 10 - 15 minutes later, the other child is at the door, all is well and they continue to play. So I'm really not getting all this "inviting" and I'm certainly not getting the adults gossping about whose kids play with who. Get a life and let the kids work it out for themselves. It's called problem solving and social skills.
It is petty silly stuff and I would take NONE of it seriously until an adult comes to my home and point blank says "I am not happy aobut XYZ" or "I don't know why Jay can't play with Sue." I want to clarify, the safety of children and supervision is not petty, but the fact that kids 6-7 are getting in the middle of this situation and being the mouthpieces for their parents. Also, if there is squabbling going on between another couple about your kiddos, I'd probably keep mine at home, too.
My suggestion is next time the 6 year olds say something "off" call the neighbor and say, "Sue said something odd today and becuase we are adults I wanted to make sure we are on the same page so I can reassure her of the situation." and confront the situation. If they skirt it - well, you tried. I would also not encourage the children to "talk" or "share information" of what is going on.
Easier for all of you. Geesh - I remember you playscape post. Hard to believe this is still going on. . . .sorry.
Sounds simply like it's time to just call it quits and avoid them altogether. It just doesn't appear to be a good environment. They'll notice when none of the neighbor kids are around their kids anymore. They'll have to "IMPORT'' from school.
Go with your gut instinct.
We lived out in the country so playmates were scarce. Anyone w/in reach...well he wasn't the kind of kid to instill confidence in a parent. He'd swipe money from my kids, came over to sleep once and wanted snacks in the middle of the night, and then went home since that wasn;t going to happen. Came over the next day too, when no one was home, and walked in to retrieve his stuff (sleeping bag etc). Even admitted it to my kids. Eventually turned into a trouble maker, but come high school they all grew up and 'smoothed out' . Not before his piece of work mom and I had issues about his walking into my house or him instigating a fight.
most of it is just that, talk. Unless you out right here it from the parents, I would treat it as mis-communication and go right on with what it is that is going on. These are neighbors, not best friends, so no love lost between ya right?
