Question About Friend's Comments

It's kind of bragging 'we/my son is so popular'.
But also back handed because her comments make it sound like others as SO much more important than you.
Next time she starts up, just ask her "So, what are we - chopped liver?".
Either she'll squirm and apologize (not likely), or make comments about you being so touchy (more likely) or she'll laugh it off and keep doing it (also likely).
Cultivate other friends because it sounds like she's moving on.

SHE is the adult. Yet she's blaming a CHILD for being late?!

It would be MY opinion that SHE doesn't care or value the friendship....

I wouldn't hang with her anymore - NO ONE needs that negativity in their life.

I see it the opposite way. She's insecure and feels that she has to let you know how valued her son is to others so that you'll accept her and her son.

I think there might be another way to look at it than the comments below. In my daughters Brownie troop we have been working on taking the ME out of Mean and one of the lessons is that we have a choice wether or not to be offended. She may just feel comforitable enough in your friendship to share good things happening in her sons life and not for even a minute think you'd be hurt. Ask yourself what you think her intent was. Was she just chattering or was she rubbing your nose in it? Either way you have a choice to be upset or take it with a grain of salt. This lesson has taught me taking it with a grain of salt leaves me feeling better. I actually stop myself from being offended then I'm not left angsting over it later.

It has taken me a long time to figure out that usually when people say things like this it usually means that they are feeling inadequate in some way. Sounds like she is trying to make you feel like she and her son are such likable people and have a lot of friends to occupy their time. Truth be known that she is very lonely and wants you to think that you are just a nobody. I don't think I would waste my time trying to be friends with somebody that tears you down - friends build you up!!

You have to remember that most people are the center of their universe and not out to get you. Anything they do to hurt or annoy you is just calateral damage. I have a sister-in-law that has to name drop, always has excuses (and normally kid related) and just says what she thinks you want to hear regardless of whether it's the truth or not. I've just developed "thick skin" when it comes to her and realize that that's just who she is. I don't let it bother me anymore but I DO let her know when she's over stepped - jokingly - like I probably would have said when she came up with the excuse about her son causing them to be late, "and who's the adult here??" Just to let her know I know it's a weak excuse and she's caught. Sometimes, she STILL doesn't get it and just rambles on, but I usually turn tail and get involved with something else. Don't let it get to you, but if you find yourself hurt - just talk to her another time, alone and without kids around - you know how they repeat everything!!!!

I know people like that. Their kids have lots of friends and is popular. For some parents they take great pride in the popularity of their child, b/c it boosts their self-esteem. They are living thru the life of their child.

I have one neighbor whose child goes to school with the son of a San Antonio Spur. All this neighbor will take about is how her son is going to his birthday party, or her son will be inviting him over for a sleep-over. She talks about it all the time and it's very obvious that SHE feels very important due to knowing this classmate. And it's sad, b/c she is sending a powerful message (of seeking friendships with famous, powerful people and not others) to her kids by doing all this.

Yes, just read Marda's comment. This is it exactly! If you have a moment to do so, and the time is right, talk to your friend about it.

It's hard to say without knowing the frequency & tone of the comments.

Why would she have a playdate right before she knew they had to be at your birthday party? Who does that?! And then makes excuses as to why they were late. That would annoy me, too.

If she is being catty with the comments, then she's really an insecure person trying to make herself feel better and prove to you that they're "in demand". In my experience, opening up to someone like that will only make you seem like you're insecure or jealous, because she wants to be "better" than you, the one in control. No matter how you word it, she will still think you have sour grapes.

Are you really THAT close? Or are you more of acquaintances that know each other because their kids like each other? Because it kind of sounds like they're moving on & you aren't as high as you used to be on their priority list. I don't know that I'd put much more effort into it, personally. Friendships shift, change, or end, and that's okay.

I've gotta say I don't see what the issue is. Is it that she is being rude with her remarks or that she has to make a point of stressing her son's social circle? I mean, no kid has just O. friend, right?
Do you feels she blows off your son, maybe?
Hard to say from your post although I do think it was stupid of her to say they were late to your party because he wouldn't leave on time--that's HER fault.

Tell her how you feel. I feel ____________when you said _________. The only way to get through this in your friendship is to be honest about it. She may not even think about how a comment like that would hurt you. Clue her in and if she doesn't stop, then reevaluate the friendship. GL

M

you know my nephew is like that. They must have low self esteem or something, or maybe she wants to point out that her kid was playing with another kid, while your kid was sitting around waiting for them to show up. Like her kid is more important or popular than yours. Which is not the case. She is just rude. If you truly value her friendship then you'll just have to put up with it, or tell her point blank that it is rude of her to say things like that and to be late to functions because of those reasons. The world does not revolve around him.

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I agree that you should explain how you feel; get it out in to the open. She may need to find a different way to express what she says without hurting your feelings. Either way no matter what happens you will feel better after you two have discussed the issue and cleared the air.

maybe that meant that she was trying to round him up so that they could leave but he was running around like a clown and it took her a little longer to leave then what she expected. you how kids can be when it time to go.

idk to me it sound more like she wants to seem very important. and by telling you how much other ppl like her that seems to imply she is likable. i think its more of a self esteem issue. but idk her and am just going off little details you gave. i bet she does the same at the next event she is going to. dont take it to heart. when she starts blowing you off repetately then you can ask her if she would rather not be the kind of friends that meet anymore. but do it nicely. good luck.

That's just not right! Tell her that you dont like it when she does that. If she still keeps on doing that you don't need a friend like that. It will just lower your self esteem

Do you guys live kinda far away from eachother? Sounds like I could be your friend - Sounds like something I might say to my best friend. But she lives 40 min away. My son has playdates with people near us more often than we get to see her and her kids. I wouldn't worry too much. She came to the bday party didn't she? If she didn't want to go she wouldn't have. At least she's not lying to you about why she was late.

She blamed being late on her child?
Lame.

Some people don't know when to use their spam filter... sorry she is so rude. Surround yourself with people who you enjoy, not those who bring you down (intentionally or not). Life is too short!

I do think you need to get the message accross that it's not right as Maria G and B have said, You can also temper it with "I'm glad your son has wonderful friends, but......"

Could it possibly be that she is just sharing the child's interests? Do you feel that she doesn't value your friendship just because she has outside friendships? That is what I am sensing.