Question - Tulsa,OK

Sorry, that school would last about 20 seconds in my world.
I wouldn't be interested in that type of restrictive/oppressive environment.
And I can't imagine why anyone would! And to pay tuition for that kind of treatment?
Seriously, I would put ZERO effort into changing the "system" in this case. I'd talk by leaving WITH my money.
All the best whatever you decide.

I would take the pecking order and say something. If the principal doesn't get you anywhere, then go to the next level. Is it a Catholic school? Go to the Dioceses.

I will say, I believe the uniform is very important to them because it helps just that...keep the children in uniform. If my daughter were out of uniform so that she were in the complete wrong uniform for that day, they probably would have called me to bring her proper clothes.

In any event, what needed to be said has been said by them. They need to leave her alone and the pecking needs to stop. I suggest you start making some calls.

13 more weeks
2 more Holidays
2 more payments

I recognize that with a private school they may say, "You are free to leave." But the flip side is, YOU pay THEM to educate your child and not bully her. If the principal and this woman are in alliance, then maybe it's time for you and other parents to go to the next step and go above the principal.

Further, I would be very reluctant to put my child in that teacher's class next year. Can you imagine? Forget academics if she's constantly chipping at your daughter's self-esteem. Your daughter is already quiet and reserved. I'm not saying that every day needs to be sunshine and roses, but I used to work for someone like that and if I as an adult felt depressed, what about a child?

If this cannot be resolved, then I would push back on my husband. Academics are important, but at what cost? Is there truly no other school for this child? Your daughter already has a full school day, music lessons AND now required tutoring. That's a full load for a kid, nevermind having to deal with someone who comes out of her class to target her - which is just what you witnessed. What does she do when people aren't watching?

Your mama sense is tingling because something IS off here. It sounds like this woman has the principal's ear and is using her influence to get what she wants. I'd be concerned.

Edit: You say your husband says you are staying "no matter what" so that gives them no incentive to change. You say you cringe at the thought of your child spending 9 hours a day with that person, but your husband doesn't want to consider an alternative. Your child is already shy and timid and anxious about being perfect. Are they looking for the best a child can do (sometimes less than an A) or are they looking for high scores so they can tell prospective parents how "good" they are? An entire school of As would make me question the grading, personally. Another parent is already warning you not to go anywhere - I would take this information under serious consideration. Not that I think kids should travel all the time, but what if she misses for a legit reason? Is this teacher going to inflict her wrath? I think there's more going on at this school (and in your home) than just this one teacher or incident. Do they really want to work with you or do they just not want to lose your money? Does your DH want a solution or a bandaid?

It is time to speak directly with the headmaster about this woman. You said that you felt that this was a safe environment for your daughter without any bullying -- this woman is bullying you AND your daughter.
Get your ducks in a row.
Make some notes.
Go in and speak with the headmaster. Do not get emotional. Get factual.
LBC

EDIT:
If you don't let her bully you or your daughter, she will back down and your daughter will have a good experience in her class.
I have found that if you waffle or try to avoid this type of person, they just make your life miserable. Grab the bull by the horns and let her and the school know that you will not put up with this type of behavior. If they want your tuition dollar, they will make changes. Trust me.
LBC

your post is incredibly long!!! I'm going to address what I picked up from it.

Tell the Headmaster that his e-mail was unprofessional and you are considering another school. The teacher's behavior was totally uncalled for and if a teacher, even in a private Christian school, told my child "don't forget what I told you - I will make you wear one from the donation box." ESPECIALLY in front of me? I would have called her on the carpet right then and there.

I would tell the headmaster, while I am sorry you had a family emergency - you failed as a headmaster to let us know what is going on in our school. Your dictating to me and others that tutoring is more important than music or that I don't appreciate our teachers. You are wrong. I chose this school for a reason. I can find another one that meets my family's needs.

Yes. It's blunt. Yes. It's in your face. However, it sounds like the school needs a wake up call. Especially because it appears that this one teacher wields way more power and control than she should!!! If it isn't brought to the surface and dealt with - it won't be the school you love and adored anymore. Be your child's advocate!! YOU GO MAMA!!

You and the other parents need to speak with the principle about this bullying teacher and the out of line comments and emails. I would have done it right away. My daughter goes to a private Christian school and I would NEVER put up with an attitude like that. Since your daughter’s teacher told you there are other parents going through the same things with this teacher I would get together with them and have a meeting with the principle.
As for the comment that was made during the interview the applicant can probably make a complaint to the Dept. of Labor. I do not think that what she said was legal.

You are WAY nicer than I would have been. I would have called the teacher to the carpert right then and there about talking to my child in that fashion. If you were a few minutes late to music lessons that one day, then so be it. I would have also followed up the next day with the headmaster for sure. The thing about a private school is that you are paying a lot of money for a service. That means that you have choice to go somewhere else if that services declines. If you are able to have your child attend tutoring and get to music lessons on time, then it is NONE of their business.

She seems like a control freak on a power trip. I'm sure God really cares about what color her shirt for church is, someone needs to remind this lady that God is compassionate. WOW!! It really sounds like you were being called out in that email and that would totally rub me the wrong way. Music lessons are important. Education is just one part of having a well rounds child. I would be standing there every day and the minute tutoring is supposed to be over we would leave. Your A/B daughter does not sound like she needs it. I think you are both going to be in for a very long year next year.

My take on this and so many othet religiously affiliated schools is they do kot follow the messages of their own religious doctrine. Use their policies that are written and the religious basis of the school to have discussions with all concerned. Use your I phrases and other non accusatory language paths for your conversations this way nothing should come back to haunt your child. If this does not solve the problem then move her I am sure you pay taxes that cover the public.school system as well ad tuition so use your money as a tool as well. There is also homeschooling and support groups to help you and het accomplish it if that is what you.choose

I think you already know the answer to your own question. It shows through in almost every line of what you write. This school is not right for your child; it's unprofessionally run by someone who does not have administrative experience; it has a punitive atmosphere that even extends to threatening the parents (don't you dare pull your child out a minute early, don't you dare pull your child out for a family vacation day....etc.). Your shy daughter will be totally cowed and crushed if this continues and you will resent the school so deeply that everything will be a battle.

Now you need to get your husband on board, as others have noted.

What might help: Better and fresher research on your other local schools. Has the public school taken any concrete steps to stop the bullying? Are those kids now gone from that school? Is there another public school your child can legally attend? Are there other private school options in the area? And does the public school system in your area offer a "Gifted and Talented" or "Advanced Academics" option where children through testing or recommendations are placed in special classrooms with peers who WANT to be in school and who are ready for bigger academic challenges? Find out if your public system offers this and how to get a child into it. Find out if the public school has changed. Find out what other private options are available -- there must be schools out there eager to treat your child, and you, much better.

Why is your husband SO deeply invested in telling everyone you will stay with this school? Does he feel that leaving would brand your child or your family "failures" somehow? Does he fear (though he may deny the word "fear"!) that your child would only have the option of the same school she was in before, where she was bullied? Does he fear change and just not want to move schools because it's a hassle and he has no clue or doesn't care about the issues with the headmaster and teachers? Does he just generally have to be in control? I'd ask myself all those things about him too, because he HAS to have your back here and has to put your child, not his pride or his fear of failure or his concerns about leaving, in first place.

I went to Catholic school--STRICT Catholic schools--all the way through college (except one year in a private school). Never would my mother have put up with being talked to that way by a teacher or a Headmaster. Your daughter is anxious because she sees that you are not standing up for her. You are effectively being bullied by members of the STAFF, who work for you, not the other way around. Although it sounds like your daughter has a good fit with her current teacher, next year is a different story, isn't it?
Yes, you should always have her in the right uniform. No, you don't have to take your husband's opinion as the final word on this. If this school is not a good fit for your family and you don't have confidence in how it is being run, you are wasting your money there. On the other hand, if you can find a way to let her criticisms roll off your shoulders, as well as how to stand up to her, then it might not be such a bad deal. Just as we all have to learn we can't do everything perfect in life, we also have to learn that sometimes our teachers aren't people we like or admire, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from them.

Sounds like you traded one hell for another but this one is one that is pretending to be Godly. We have several Christian private schools in my town and none of them would consider this type of behavior from a teacher to be acceptable.

I think your poor daughter has suffered enough. Tell hubby to pick a side. Either yours and your daughters or the schools. If he picks the school then you know who, and what, he cares about. A good education is desirable but at the expense of the child's self esteem and self image, that's too much to ask of her.

If this teacher is not let go, if your child cannot get a different teacher, then there would be no way in hell that my child would go into that classroom without me being there every day. That teacher sounds like a grown up bully and she has decided you and your daughter are her next victims.

I would assure your husband that you won't be staying if he doesn't change his mind. These types of things tend to escalate and you appear to have no support. My opinion, after going through things like this in life is stay and put up with the friction and an unhappy child or do what is best for your child and let them grow up as stress free as possible. Don't worry, there will be other problems down the line and you do not need to choose this one. By the way, just kidding about your husband, but he needs to get on track with you.Plus one more thing-I did take my son out of a school for this reason, switched him after lots of thinking about how it would affect him and I have never regretted it. You need to protect your child.

It sounds like this teacher has the principle on her side, and that can make getting her to back down very hard.

I am middle grades certified, and at this point, we are planning to homeschool through 8th grade. What I saw teaching in public school (both amongstthe faculty and between students, along with the trend towards teaching to tests and the lowest common denominator in the class) made me question having children at all, and I really don't want them in that enviroment, thinking that is normal or healthy behavior. Unfortunantly, private school is out of our budget range, so that leaves us with Homeschool unless we can get them into a magnet school.

So all that being said, look at your options. Homeschool IS a viable option, and with a good co-op your daughter will have room for lots of healthy relationships with her peers. It sounds like this school is small and this is the only 5th grade teacher? If that is the case, I would keep my kid out of her class - she sounds like she is on a power trip. I would look at other private schools or public schools of go visit the co-op and see what you think.

Trust your mama-sense and do what it takes to get your husband looking at the whole picture. If this teacher is the main problem, you may consider talking hubby into homeschool for 1 year to bypass this loco lady and then go back to this school. This might be a viable option considering you are otherwise pretty happy with the school (plus that gives the principal another year to figure out this new role he is in!).

Good luck!!

I think it's time to get some of the other concerned parents together and have a meeting with the headmaster. There is power in numbers! If the Headmaster sees that there are many concerned parents who may pull their child from the school--and consequently pull their MONEY from the school, the Headmaster will do something.

My M. was constantly fighting for things at my public schools. She was good at getting other parents to come for group talks and the administration tends to igore ONE parent, but they listen to the voices of many who stand together. It doesn't matter than many parents complain singly, you all have to go together.

As far as NEEDING to go to a private school for social interaction for a shy child--ridiculous! If nothing is resolved and you choose to homeschool--it won't hurt your shy child. If going to a public/private school was the answer for all shy children then we wouldn't have any more shy children in any schools. But we do. If you have a good co-op in your area then your child will continue to flower academically and socially. The homeschool question really is--do you want to commit to it and is it right for your family?

I would try to get rid of the teacher first. If that doesn't work, look into getting her into another school. And get your husband involved in the fight at the school so he can see what you're up against and how it's hurting his daughter. That might make him change his tune.

A couple of things:

1) music is as important as sports --kids who play music do better in math and some scholorships are based on music --not all scholorships are sports oriented.

2) the teacher who is temp headmaster is a BULLY -- get together with the other parents and put your money where your mouth is

3) you pay for the privialge of being there --remind them of that

Boy.....your hubby and this teacher sound very controlling. Are the public schools not good in your area? I would not let my child be in this woman's class next year.....if she is shy then she needs the school experience...not home school. What about even just taking a walk through another school to get a feel for it. Meet the teachers who would be her teacher next year.....you do have a choice!!!! If you feel strongly about it allow yourself to have a voice with your husband...it is a joint decision....not just his. Why is he so set on this school? Did he have a bad experience in school or something?
Bullying is a problem in all schools. Unfortunately, in life we will always run into bullies. Bullies for bosses....bullies who are friends. bullies who are teachers/principals....etc. Kids need to learn more skills in how to be leaders and how to stick up for themselves...how to be proactive....A great book to check out is The Seven Habits of Happy Kids
Life is not fair. Unfortunately, That is the truth. The sooner our kids realize it the better they will be. We cannot fight all their battles, but we can give them the tools to work through them and learn from them. Good Luck!

I agree with Sheila. You have to find a way to get your husband on the same page as you. This school is not a good fit for your family. Trying to work with the administrators to make changes would probably end up being a waste of your time, energy, and hard-earned money.

I wonder if your husband is getting the entire picture here, or if he just wants the problem to go away all by itself. It sounds to me like home schooling is an excellent option for your daughter--at least for the next year. Maybe you can re-enroll her at this school the following year. Good luck to you. It sounds like a stressful situation.