My 12 year old son is GREAT at home. Socially however, he has a hard time making and keeping friends. It has been this way for his whole school career. He easily gets his feelings hurt and he will cry and have these "episodes" at school. This has continued throughout the years, but to a much lesser degree now that he is older, but it still continues. Now that he is in 7th grade this behavior is socially unacceptable and his peers know it. They harass him until he breaks and then he will cry. I have spoke to the school, and the principle and I am told that he is emotional and he over reacts to situations. No one seem to be concerned about bulling, they say that he has an active role in the situation and that he does not take responsibility for his part in the situation. His part usually consists of getting sick of whatever the other kid is doing and yelling/pushing/telling - whatever. And YES I know that that behavior is not appropriate either. But what do you do when the school says he is not bullied, he over reacts? I am very concerned because at this age social interaction is so important. I am afraid he will become introverted and stop trying to be social all together. At home he is outgoing, funny and seems to be an ordinary 12 year old boy. He has one friend outside of school and maybe two friends in school. I have tried outside activities, martial arts, art classes and other activities to try to get him more social. He does great with younger kids, in fact he was voted youth of the month at our local Boy’s and Girl’s club, for helping all the younger kids with their homework. He just has trouble with kids his own age. I can tell he is unhappy about it and does not like most of the kids in his school. He says they are all jerks or are annoying. I am not sure what to do anymore. Any advice?
In the 6th grade he changed schools. He really liked this school, it was larger with more kids and he was able to keep “below the radar” and was left alone most of the time. That school had an electrical fire 2 months after school started. The whole school was spilt up by grades and dispersed amongst the other schools. This year he is at another new school right in our neighborhood and everything has started happening again. I don't want him to keep changing schools because he enjoys being able to walk or ride his bike to school and he has a class mate that walks with him. Again, he seems to me to be a "normal 12 year old boy” I don't understand why the kids are so mean to him. He looks good, he wears good clothes, he is artistic and funny and he is a great friend. I just don't get it. But it hurts him, he doesn't say it, but I can see it when we talk about it. I just keep telling him that he is a great kid and things get better. To keep being a good friend to those who deserve it and forget about the ones who don’t. The ones being mean don’t matter, ignore them and keep doing what make him happy. I feel like that’s all I can do. It’s so hard to just watch him go through that.
You son needs one to one counselling. Get it for him right away. Bellingham is loaded with therapists. It even has a Tai Chi master. Tai Chi would be very good for him.
Hi. My son was bullied and picked on in grade school, so I know a little of how it feels. Middle school is horrible, kids are their meanest there. Yes your kid is being bullied and harrassed. Go over the school's head, ask about the district's policy about bullying. Ask where you can file a complaint besides your school. Do EVERYTHING in writing, keep copies for yourself. If it gets bad enough, threaten that you are hiring a lawyer to see what you can do legally to stop this. I would also contact the school's counselor about what can be done to help your son cope through this. I found that counselors are usually pro kid and try harder to help.
I don't have a 12 year old, so this is response is not from experience. Where I live there are quite a few charter schools( they are not like private schools you do not have to pay) They seem to emphasize tolerance and individuality.They are a lot smaller and the teachers can pay more individual attention. May be worth looking into?
I hope he feels better soon. I know how hard it must be as a mom who just wants to make everything better.Stay positive.
I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know that my son is very much like this. He gets annoyed with other kids and gets mad, not wanting to participate or whatever. And of course, this opens up the door to kids picking on him though not really bullying him. I told him next year he could invite a couple friends for a party and I got "I only have 2". The social worker at school feels it is more a maturity issue and in a way I can totally see that. Unfortunately, I am still trying to figure things out. My son is 11.
Most states have adopted a "bully law" which requires school districts to have an anti-bully policy in place. Oregon has zero tolerance - my youngest is in 4th grade and the kid who has always picked on him started be vicious this year. It was stopped immediately by the school and the councilor worked with both boys. They still don't like each other but can work together productively in the classroom. I googled Washington and this is what I found. http://www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html Your son is being bullied - call your school district, let them know your son is being bullied and you want a copy of their policy. Since legal action can be taken against them they should be quick to reply and fix the situation. Good luck.
That IS bullying. Can you switch school or homeschool him? I was bullied every day from like 3rd to 8th grade. I BEGGED my parents to let me change schools but they wouldnt. It seriously scarred my self esteem for life and made me more vulnarble to getting into trouble as a teenager. Please do something. Its unacceptable to make him go through this every day.
Try counseling--and if the school won't provide it do it your self. Keep taking him to places where he can help younger kids. It helps his self esteem. See if the school can find places where he can tutor younger kids also. That why his peers can see him doing positive things.
Is there any possibility of pulling him out of school to homeschool? It sounds like the current school setting isn't an ideal place for him right now. But, you mention him being comfortable at home.
Speaking as someone whose child was bullied at two schools(private, Christian K and 2nd grade public), I know the schools tend to downplay and not get involved to prevent bullying. My husband says it is laziness. I was a teacher who may have seemed overinvolved. I did not allow gossiping, whispering, excluding anyone, etc.. It was easy in K because I was on it from day 1 and we were a church school with the Golden Rule. The churches I have been to with my child want to help the kids who are violent and mean and the kids who are picked on have to suffer or go elsewhere. My experience with bullies is that have selfesteem and enjoy the power of making others feel badly. They are just plain mean.
Our public elementary has a phone number to call if you are bullied. If yours does and the principal and teachers won't help, I would try the hotline. This probally will antagonize them, though it might work to force them to do something.
I approached the counselor to make sure my child was not placed with the two bullies the next year. She downplayed it. As soon as I said "BULLYING" to the counselor, they jumped up and assured me they would seperate my child from her two tormentors. They did not want me going over their heads.
The teacher covered her butt by insisisting the boy was the sweetest, most helpful boy and my daughter misunderstood. I said well then perhaps they are just sneaky about the bullying or they only do it on the playground? They shut up. I am not there to be friends with the school workers, though I try to be friendly to all. I am my child's advocate.
If it was possible, you could see about transferring him to another school because of the bullying, but then you have to arrange transportation.
My husband didn't believe in running from bullies. My daughter did not have the confidence or know how to defend herself. I wish I would have pulled her from that K program even if seemed like running from a bully.
I did notice my child gets mad when picked on. I have tried to teach her that when she reacts it makes them want to annoy her more. This has helped her, but sometimes she can't take it and gets emotional. I don't think she deserves it, but there is some truth to the fact her reaction seems to egg on the bullies.
I'd threaten the school with litigation. I mean, how much MORE do they need to happen here? They are totally culpable in this.
It is absolutely unacceptable for the school to respond that way. I work for a school district and would suggest that if you are not getting a response directly at the school with first the teacher and second the principal, then go to the district office. I guarantee the Superintendent will have zero tolerance for bullying.
