Putting Toddler in a Playgroup for 3 Hrs, 2X a Week?

Leave him solo for a morning with the kids. Don't answer the phone. Just go run errands. He'll get a dose of reality. If he continues to make comments, seek counseling.

I would do this: discuss it with your husband not as a long term commitment, but as something to try. Make a priority list of things you want to accomplish during your 6 hours per week. Then agree to try it for 6 (or even 3) months. If it's more trouble than it's worth or eats up too much of your family budget, you pull the plug after the trial period. On the other hand, if it brings sanity to your life, then consider extending after the trial period.

You aren't suggesting full time daycare for the next 4 years. You are suggesting trying something new for a few hours per week. If it's not a huge financial strain, I see no downside in giving it a try.

A tip, if you do this: be ruthless when prioritizing this time. Keep track of things you want to do, but can't do with a toddler under foot. Write a list, and do those things when he's in the playgroup. Sure, it's quicker to do laundry and dishes without a toddler, but you can do those things when he's in the house. But you literally can NOT paint or put up the chicken fence while watching a toddler. Prioritize the stuff you really can't do any other time so get the biggest payoff for your 'free' time, and you don't get bogged down in small stuff.

Time for Dad to have a day with his kids and for you to have a day to yourself. If he "has never had the kids for an extended period of time" then he needs to. It's long overdo. Keep in mind that he still won't really get it, but he may have more of an appreciation for what you are dealing with. Watching them alone for one day is not the same as doing it everyday. There are things he can do that day (McDonald's for lunch) that you would only do once in awhile that might lead him to believe it's not so hard. But he should at least have a better appreciation of what your daily life is like.

It's hard for me to hear you ask if it's "so terrible" to have someone else watch your toddler for 6 hours a week, when I had to put my 2 1/2 year old in daycare full-time. I know that that wasn't a terrible thing to do. It was the right thing to do for more reasons than I could list here.

No, it is not a terrible thing. Your little one would benefit from the experience!

I am a big believer in children getting the opportunity to experience other adults as care-givers and other children as playmates. Also, parents need time to do things on their own. I understand that you want to hear your husband's input, so maybe it is worth another conversation. It's not a matter of whether you can 'handle' having the younger child at home without 'outside help,' it's about what would be BEST for you and him/her. We are talking about 6 hours a week. Good luck with it.

I would not make any decisions based on passive-agressiveness or snippy comments. Tell your husband you would like him to stop the snide comments and be direct. "Does HE, NOT want to you to put your child in this group or in any playgroup?" Yes or No. Why or why not. Tell him you want an honest and direct answer, and if he needs to think about it for awhile and get back to you, fine. I would tell him you value his feelings and both of you should make the choice together, but being wishy-washy and then after the fact guilt trips are not OK.

I recommend that you go away for a weekend with any of the women you mention (mom, grandma, friend) and leave your husband in charge of the house and the children for 48 hours. No prepping meals ahead, no doing extra laundry so he doesn't have to, no lists of where things are or what different kids eat. Do not answer your cell phone during this time. If it's so easy, he will have no problems managing it without help, just like the "plenty of women" he supposedly knows who manage this. They might do it without help, but they aren't doing it without exhaustion or frustration or a total lack of appreciation.

When he is done with the 48 hours, perhaps he will have a better idea of how many hours are a good idea.

Stop "honoring his input" until he knows what he's talking about. If he goes through the weekend and comes up with all kinds of ideas about streamlining the work and cutting out/downsizing what's not necessary, GREAT! THAT will be input that will come from experience. Right now, he has no experience so he is just pontificating.

Honestly, this is the best thing you can do for your relationship. He doesn't understand your role, and he doesn't understand the job. Worst, he doesn't really respect what you do. I'd change that immediately.

Then I'd go ahead and put my kid in playgroup if you think the child can handle 3 hours at a clip. That's a long stretch for a toddler but maybe she'll be up to it in September. And definitely do SOMETHING to give yourself some time.

Your hubby is a piece of work isn't he!

For starters, it is good for you AND your children to have outside social activity settings. It helps your children socialize, learn to play with others, learn to share, stimulate their brain, etc.

It has NOTHING to do with how you handle the everyday activities at home.

I've seen from experience that children who have attended a mom's day out and preschool program before kinder tend to adjust better to school than a child who has done nothing for 5 years except be at mom's toes all the time, being entertained by mom, and only knowing mom as social interaction. The child who has not been exposed to other children has a much tougher time in school learning to share, play and be respectful of others.

Your husband should see the benefit for your children to be in group play settings and stop the snide comments to you. How disrespectful of him to treat you this way and you want to "honor" him? I'd "honor" him by leaving the house on Friday and not come home til Sunday so he can do it all if he feels so capable of being the perfect person.

I find this all depends on your situation.

My husband always pitched in. Without asking.

My best friend's husband did not. Partly because of career, partly because of his personality.

She was home and had the means to have a cleaner, etc. so when she put her kids in programs daily (morning), I kind of thought really? But .. moms shouldn't judge other moms. She had those kids 24/7 really - because her husband didn't help. At all. So for her - it meant her sanity, she was a better mom for it, and she was happier. And they could afford it.

I am all for kids having socialization, helping mom out, and doing what works for you.

Men who make comments like that ... I don't know. I don't get it. Mine never has. He always thinks I'm a saint for putting up with our kids. He knows (because he's tried) that hanging with kids all day (every day) is exhausting. I mean, I love it - but let's face it - it's not easy. Moms need a break - especially if you're on duty in evenings too.

You're going to have to figure things out with your husband if you're going to have a strong marriage. You have to be on the same page with respect to how much is involved in parenting. Otherwise, this is going to be hard. You will feel not appreciated and run off your feet.

Good luck :) I would definitely go for it.

Dad needs to experience the joys of having the kids for 6-8 hours straight. That's all there is to it. Also, ask him to balance your checkbook during that fun kid time. ;) See if he changes his mind after that. Seriously, either he's not very supportive of your work, or he's clueless. He needs to step up and watch the kids for 1-2 hours a night while you work, or he needs to allow you to find the help you need. I bet your toddler would love the playgroup time!

I know plenty of women who had help with 2 kids and plenty who didn't. Plenty with more than 2 kids who didn't. So I agree with Starr. However, you say it would be time to work on your business. That would seem to qualify as work and most women do have someone watch their child while they are working. Glad you're getting organized bc your husband works 60 hour weeks so is likely tired. He is certainly pulling his weight in the family. But if your business pays for this playgroup, not really his business.

If you can afford to do it, do it. You need a break from the kids and they you. This way you can go to a doctor's appointment sans kids (or at least two of them) and shopping or whatever to rejuvenate yourself.

Should hubby continue to make comments I would tell him to keep them to himself or he can watch the kids on Saturday and work as well while you go and do all the errands without them. He will change his tune after that.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

I think it sounds like a great idea. I did the same thing when my kids were about that age. I could get a little work done and they had fun socializing for a few hours. It then helped them ease into preschool and then school later when they got older. I don't think you should be torn...there's nothing wrong with that at all and your little one will have fun. I also believe your husband should be more supportive.

Sounds like most didn't realize that your husband is building a business with your help. He doesn't have time to watch the kids for a day, let alone a weekend. They also missed that you would use the extra 6 hours to help with the business.

I suggest your approach when talking with him would be how this would benefit the business. I agree with Annette D. Time to have a direct conversation with him. I suggest he's making passively aggressive remarks based on his experience with other women in a much earlier time. I doubt he's even thought about the play group as it applies directly to his life now. Or how giving you time without the children would benefit him.

I suggest that if the two of you could discuss this looking at both sides, he could feel a part of the decision and would agree.

Sounds fine to me. If DH doesn't want you to do this, let him take the 6 hours a week off from work and watch his child.

Kids go to child care 50-60 hours per week every week. There isn't anything wrong with having some time to yourself.

i would do it. you will feel better, you will get more done and your child will get to have fun with other children their age. they will learn valuable socialization skills that you cannot teach alone. they will learn how to treat others and that others don't always play like you want. i say go for it and tell your hubby to keep his snippy comments to himself or like others said, he can watch the child for 6 hrs a week outside the home so you can get stuff done.

Ditto TF Plano/Allen, word for word.

You could also point out to your hubby that your child will probably really enjoy the change of scenery and the socialization. It's not just for you, it's also for his/her benefit as well.

How old is toddler? That influences my answer.

One kid in preschool, one in playgroup 2x week? Sounds awesome.

To your husband, "Then maybe you should have had babies with one of those women instead." I'm not even kidding, that is what I'd say in your shoes.

In reality, I'd be shocked. My husband would never speak to me that way. He supports me, builds me up, stands at my side. I do the same for him.

Your husband, for whatever reason, is tearing you down and making you feel inadequate. That is unacceptable behavior. You must not allow it.

"I should add he is not a mean person, by any stretch of the imagination."
He's being mean now, and it doesn't take any imagination to see it. Since you're already defending him, I have to wonder if there is other subtle and controlling behavior that has kept you doubting yourself in other ways too.

This would be a wonderful thing for your toddler to do. My daughter went to preschool when she was 3 yo and LOVED it!