Public Bathrooms!

My husband takes my daughter into the men's room at public places when there is no family restroom available. I think most people would be more comfortable with her going into a men's room then my husband walking into the women's room with her :-). She is 6 now so if the place is not too crowded and we can stand outside the restroom and make contact with her easily if necessary, yes we allow her to go to the women's room by herself, but when she was younger this was not an option so he had to take her with him. What would you want him to have done?

Good luck,
K.

Well what if he is the only one there with her? Or a single dad? Is he supposed to take her in to the womens? Nope i dont think so!
Dont judge others because you do not know the whole situation!

I think you do what you gotta do. Why is it okay for moms to take their boys in womens restrooms/gyms, but not for dads and daughters?

One mom's opinion.
S.

OMG!! You are just like my husband!!! Do you really think men look around in there like we do? NO...they stop, drop and pee. When men DO have to take kids, they go into the stalls, that are just like OUR stalls. However, my husband is just as freaky as you...wont take her...she will come home wet EVERYTIME!!! Oh, LORDY!!! A mans restroom is NOT full of perverts...just men who have to pee....if you are in a type of place where "questionables" are "hanging out in the toilet"...well, sister, you're in the wrong place ALTOGETHER!!!!
I feel no matter what I say to you is no different than him...y'all think what y'all think...
If its any concelation, I cant stand when women bring 9, 10 and 11 year olds to the womens RR...at least we have the stalls.
:)

EDIT: Also, what man is gonna try anything to your sweet pumpkin with DADDY around? I know MY husband would have to knock a motha!!!

My daughter is recently potty trained and when she has to go, she has to GO. She cannot hold it when she is out with Daddy, so he will take her into the men's restroom if I am not around.
I don't see anything wrong with it (apart from the restrooms being dirty, but so are the women's...). He carries wipes and will wipe it down for her.
They use a stall and lock the door behind them. It not like there's usually a bunch of guys standing around showing off their private parts. We may not believe this, but most guys, even when they use a urinal, will practice common decency.
You gotta do what you have to...

I wouldn't have thought twice about this. Its a dad taking his daughter to the only bathroom he has access to. I didn't even know there was "family" bathrooms until I saw one recently. If she isn't able to go by herself into the women's, what was he supposed to do? Just my opinion but my husband was a single dad for many years before we married and he would do the same thing. I don't think it's a big deal when there is no other option.

I see no problem with it.
When my daughter was younger and my husband had her out without me and she had to go to the restroom and someone is in the family restroom he would need to take her into the men's room. when ya gotta go ya gotta go. Before family restrooms men had to take little girls into men's rooms.
Women take little boys into women's restrooms all the time. Some I think are too old to go in but that's just me , I think 8 is old enough to go to the mens room alone. My 5 yr old has done it once b/c he wanted to and he was with his nana and she let him. I didn't think he'd want to but he did.

I highly doubt the dad even knew there was a family restroom available. If he is anything like my husband, he had blinders on that told him his kid had to go and he needed to get her there. Not to mention, there really aren't as many family restrooms as you think. The only places I've ever been with one are Target and the mall.

This may be the first time you've seen it happen, but it's really not unusual. My dad used to take me in the mens restroom as a child and I never saw anything I wasn't supposed to. I also take my boys in the womens with me.

I'm also a little uncomfortable with you saying you would have offered to take her in the women's restroom. Don't we all teach our kids not to talk to strangers, but you think a dad should let a stranger take his daughter into a bathroom alone? Just sayin'...

You are probably not the only one, but you are overreacting. Seeing a few penises peeing at the urinals is not going to harm her. When she is old enough for it to matter, she will be old enough to wait outside the bathroom safely.

The only place we go with a family restroom is the movie theatre. I also don't think it's a big deal. Men aren't too keen on seeing each other's penises. So it's not like they walk around flopping in the wind. The walk up to the urnial, unzip, don't talk, pee, shake, put it away. Men's restrooms ALWAYS have at least one or two stalls... so I'm sure that's where he took her if she had to go. If not, from the dad's I know he really has 3 options:

- stand her facing the wall
- use the stall himself with her in there
- stand her in the stall while he uses the urinal

No biggie.

I think I spent half my life in men's restrooms with my dad. Until I was 9ish he didn't trust me to kick hard enough or scream loud enough if someone tried to take me... so rather safe than sorry he would bring us in with him. We had to "avert our eyes" aka watch the wall when we walked in... and then we used the stalls. Also, whenever we came to work with him there were no women's restrooms (submarine)... so he'd just shout "girls on deck" to clear the place, and my sisters and I would enter later. But unless he stood at the hatch, sailors would come in and pee. The couldn't see us because we were in the stalls. Couldn't see a thing.

Oh, come on! Most men are decent guys and very, very, very few are pedophiles. And even if there was one there, she's going in with her dad! He won't let anyone hurt her while she's in there with him.

Do we have any men in here? I don't know about the whole urinal thing, but I thought they generally faced the wall while exposed and closed up before turning around. And most guys are decent. They're particularly careful not to expose themselves if they noticed a kid, especially a girl, in the restroom with them. And even more so if her dad's right there too.

Also, I've been told that in most men's rooms (excluding the obvious problem-spots like gas stations and bars) the toilets are actually cleaner than those in the women's room because they're used less frequently (most of the time they use the urinals instead) and no man does that stupid hover-over-the-toilet-seat-'cause-it-might-be-dirty thing which is actually what primarily causes toilet seats to get peed on in the first place (why do women do that?).

Family Restrooms are kinda a new trend. It's not true to say that most places have them. In fact, most places don't, though they are getting more common.

A young girl should not be left alone outside the bathroom to wait for her father or sent alone into the women's room to potty herself. She may get scared or not know how to handle it if she has trouble (stuck zippers, no TP, can't reach the soap, etc.). Until she's big enough to handle it all herself, she should be taken in with her dad to the men's room, especially if Mom's not there to take her into the women's room.

The question here is just when is too old? I have gone into the womens bathrooms to find a boy with his "mother" and he is well over 7 years of age-I think this is too old as he is looking in the cracks of the doors and watching! Well when can she not let him use the mens rooms qand stand at the doorway or even better-call into that room and make sure no one else is there and then guard that door--I don't think that is so bad but I feel uncomfortable when a youngester is looking at me in the bathroom and he is not my child! I am sure the men would feel the same when a young girl is in the men's room with her "dad"--so do the same thing with the womens room and guard the door! After all where do stalkers and pedophyles come from? Someone teaches them...where and what to look at....

What should he have done? Left his young daughter alone outside while he went in, or sent her alone in the ladies rooms, not knowing who could be in there or if she may need help? I take my boys in with me to the ladies room, I see no difference. I know I would never leave my boys standing by them selves outside in a public place because I am afraid they may see nakedness. We could all stand to be a little less uptight I think and understand that these situations are about the child's safety.

Meh... I don't think it's any big deal. I am of the opinion that if you have to go you have to go, and I have been known to take my daughter and myself into a men's bathroom if the need is urgent enough. Women take way too long in the bathroom if you ask me!

Since I have a boy and have to take him into the ladies room all the time, I don't deal with this. But I would rather take my child in then have them go in by themselves if I don't think they're old enough.

I like the answer the one mom gave that her husband checks to see if anyone's in the mens room first. I think we're very hung up on private parts and sexuality. Men pee into urinals and their pants are all the way up - what's there to see unless you walk up to them and look? If the bathroom is yucky and has no doors, then I wouldn't want my child to use it, and I'm sure my hubby wouldn't either.

To assume that a child is safer alone in the ladies room then the mens room is rediculous, really. There are creepy women out there, too.

I have 2 young daughters and my husband often takes them places to give me a break ( I also have a 4 month old son). I certainly would not want him to allow the girls to go into a public restroom alone, so the better choice is to take them into the men's room with him. You are right that a 'family rest room' is best, but honestly, I don't think my hubby would even know that those exist. Men's rooms do have stalls with locks too and I don't think grown men who are urinating at urinals have their pants around their ankles; they're more discreet than that!! So, walking past the urinals to the stalls isn't too traumatizing, in my opinion. By the time my oldest is 6, I will give my husband permission to let her go into the ladies room alone if he stands at the door and waits. Till then, avert your eyes, girls!

As a mom of 3 young boys, I always take them into the Women's room with me. I've never thought to send them into the men's room alone, to send them with a complete stranger into the men's room, nor leave them outside the bathroom on their own. I don't think it should be any different for a Dad to take his daughter into the men's room--I wouldn't think he would send his daughter into the women's room by herself, nor send her with a complete stranger. As for the family restroom, I see that as more of a place to change diapers--especially for the places with no changing table in the men's restroom.

I don't think it's weird if you look at it from the other way. Safer to have her with him than alone outside or alone in a restroom that he can't go into--the same reasons I took my son into the ladies room.

First of all...I think it's fine, but why don't you think about the alternative, why doesn't he send his young child into the women's room alone, that seems like a much better solution. I'm sure he didn't hold her over a urinal and urinals are facing a wall, it's not like the men are walking around with their pants down exposing themselves. My guess is what she saw, if anything were men standing with their backs to her, big deal, but better in my opinion then going alone into a womens room and having something terrible happen or her just really being scared, which is more likely.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. If your child needs to 'go' then you need to take them. I have 2 boys (8.5 & 4.5) I just started letting my oldest go to the mens room alone when he was 7. After all you wouldn't let your little 3 y/o boy go into the men's room alone just because you are a girl, you would take him into the women's room with you. After all you can't go into the men's room to wipe your little boy's bottom.
Also the men's rooms (according to my husband) have doors on all the stalls that lock & the urinals the man is standing right up to the wall, so you can't see anything unless you are purposely walking up to them & trying to look.

Sorry if the topic ruffled feathers. Everyone has their own opinion & no one should chastise you for asking a question. You don't learn if you don't ask.
God bless!

l

Ok, this shocked me that so many people are jumping on you for asking this question. They need to back off.

Yes I agree this is creepy. Sure there are certain ages I find it to be more acceptable, like still in diapers or two or three year old learning to be potty trained (but how long does potty "training" really take?). I am uncomfortable with boys at four, five, six and seven in my female restroom or girls of that age in the boys. Like other posters have commented they look in between the cracks and they are more than old enough to notice and look for the differences or just they just stick out as odd because they are too old. Kids need to learn to be independant and it is our job to teach them well enough that they can be in a bathroom by themselves and know what to do or how to handle themselves three feet from the parent. If they wanted it to be a mix of boys and girls in the bathroom they would have given that option.

I have a daughter who is four and I feel more than capable of going into a restroom by herself when she is out with her father. He can (and does) stand at the door and if there is a problem she will go get him or can shout for him in an emergency.

So I back you on this one. People need to learn that just because they want to baby their child doesn't mean that every other person around them is going to support them.

I don't think its wrong for a really young girl/boy to go into a restroom of the opposite sex. However, when there is a girl/boy that is 8,9,10 years old going into the opposite sex restroom, that bothers me. I've been in restrooms where mom's have brought boys in who are much to old to be going into a women's restroom and they've googled thru the cracks in stalls. When a child is that age they are old enought to enter a public restroom by themselves.
When my girls were in Kindergarten/First grade and were out with my husband, he made them go together into the women's room and waited right outside the door. If they were taking too long he hollered in to them with the the idea that if they didn't answer he'd go in. They knew to answer him and always did. He never felt comfortable bringing them in the men's room.
With that said, I don't think it is a bad thing either way, as long as the child isn't to old. God Bless.

well if it did have a family restroom I would think that would have been more appropriate but if there isn't one available then he wouldn't have any other choice especially if she was little and would need help. I know my husband would check to see if any guys were in there first but when she was 4 she was going on her own and didn't need help so he would let her go to the ladies restroom and would wait outside the door for her if I wasn't there to take her.

I feel that as soon as the child is able to go to the bathroom on their own without help they can go to a public restroom on their own with a parent standing outside the door to get help if needed. I taught my kids to scream or yell if a stranger bothered them or if they needed help.

K.,

First of all I mean no disrespect, but why would you ask a question like this? OF COURSE any father would choose to take a child to a "FAMILY RESTROOM" if there was one available, that he knew of, but 99% of the time, restrooms such as that are not an option. I've only found them in malls, pools, and gyms actually.

In fact, I've noticed, that any time there is a family restroom, next to the ladies room I still see tons of little boys in the ladies room. Obviously the family restroom is not being overly used at this point. I doubt it was created just with fathers in mind.

Let me ask you this, back to the actual situation stated above, What was this father suppose to do, let her go in the ladies bathroom by herself? How old did she look? If she was over 6, maybe she could have gone by herself to the ladies room, but younger than that, any safe father wouldn't let her go by herself.

Honestly If this bothered you so much, why didn't you offer to take her to the ladies room yourself? You just didn't stand there and whisper about how it wasn't "quite right" did you? If you work with him, he would have trusted you to take her to the restroom more than likely.

TODAY There are lots of single dads out there. This happens as much as a mommy taking a boy to the ladies room. The men's restroom may be nasty and an open waste land of stall-less toilets in your mind, but most actually have stalls just like the women, with locks. YES, they usually do have a couple urinals, but men don't even look at each other in the eye, in restrooms, much less let anything else show. So, the main thing a "young daughter" would be exposed to in a men's restroom is the smell of urine, I would imagine. and yes they have sinks and soap just like the ladies room as well. In fact I've found that most have soap, towels, and toilet paper, even after the women's restroom runs out. ( I have 3 sons)

Let me ask this to the all the moms reading this, Just how many times has your young child asked you, through the stall door "Mommy, why is there a little trash can on the wall in here?" , then more than likely proceeds to open it and look in it, while he is privately finishing up, with that lock stall door that the woman's bathroom exclusively have. :-)

I find that tons more disgusting than simply having a girl see a/an urinal in my opinion.

I am a mom of 5 young children, If my husband has the kids at an event alone, such as a little league baseball game, my youngest daughter has no choice but to go to the men's restroom. I would rather her be with her father in there, than in the women's restroom by herself, wouldn't you?

MOMS There are lots of things in this world, WE as moms should be FREAKING OUT over with regards to our child(ren)'s safety, but this is not one of them.
Thank you for your post... really ...it made my day, I don't mean to offend you, just for you to realize what you actually asked. This father did nothing wrong. He was only thinking -Safety first, with his daughter.

I can only think of one place that we regularly frequent that has a family restroom. Dh has taken our girls into the bathroom as needed. I think that most all guys are in their to do their business and get out. If something funny were to be going on I am sure he would turn around and walk out before she could see anything.

As far as boys in the women's room, I think that it is perfectly fine as well. If I am out alone with all the kids and one needs to use the bathroom, I will certainly take all of them into the women's room. I do not like the idea of letting our son (8) stand outside the restrooms alone while I deal with bathroom issues with the 3 younger kids. If only he needs to go (which is rare with 4 kids since it is contagious :-)), I will let him go into the men's room alone - if it seems safe- and I will stand right outside the door. And I have been known to yell into the bathroom to check on him.

it would be wierd for me if i knew there were urinals, but most men's restrooms, i have no idea lol. if it's just stalls (and i suppose we would have to trust the father's judgement on that) i don't see a problem with it. all men's restrooms don't have urinals, do they?

we take our little boys in with us, i don't see how it's much different. my son is almost 4 and i still don't trust him to go by himself - or other people, for that matter. i am sure this dad knew what he was doing. you mention family restrooms, but you don't say that this place had one. if it had one i am sure he would have preferred to use it. right? let's not get "freaked out" when the father probably had little or no choice in the matter. when they gotta go, they gotta go.

I went to a friends sons birthday party at peter piper years ago. i think he ws turning like 5 o 6. he had to pee, my boyfriend also had to pee and told him he'd go with him. Come to find out, it was his first time in the boys bathroom and he had no idea what to do with himself!! All because his mom always took him in lady room. Forgot to teach him further! lol

Personally, I think on the sex marked on the door should be the only one to enter that bathroom...in a perfect world LOL. I know "when ya gotta go, you gotta go" and sometimes the same sex adult just isnt there. We dont have many Family Restrooms out here, maybe the newer buildings have them.

I don't think it's weird. My boyfriend has taken our daughter in the men's room to be changed before, and he will do the same when she is fully potty trained. I asked him this question when we first had her, and he said when she is potty trained he would just grab a female associate of the establishment he is in to take our daughter in the women's restroom. I freaked out. I told him he might as well scoop her up now and hand her to a woman in walmart because there is no difference. LOL So he saw my side of it and we agreed its not weird. He just said he will beeline for the stalls when he has to take her in there (or he said put a jacket over her head so she cant catch a glimpse of anything hehe). And he told me usually when men are at the urinals, their backs face the stalls so you can't see their "stuff". Just my opinion.

I thought it was weird until i read something on here. It was the name of a little boy (can't remember it now) who was murdered. I ended up reading his whole story online and it changed my mind. I have 4 girls so i never had to worry about the bathroom issue. I will never judge again after reading that story :(

My SIL has a family member that at the age of 12 went into a restroom in a restaurant by himself. He was raped and ended up in the ER and needed stitches. I have 3 children, 9,6 & 1yr. The oldest are boys. I take them in if my husband is not with me. When my daughter is older if my husband needs to take her in with him so be it. I have taught all of them to be respectful, not look all over the place. Go in, take care of business and leave. I am not sure when I would feel comfortable letting them go in alone after what happened. I will let my son go in the stall next to me and he's not aloud to come out until I am out first. Not everywhere has a family bathroom and it is not always vacant when you need it. They are also not always the closest to where you are.

How old was the child? My mom's ex-husband (decided I wasn't his when I was 15) wouldn't let me go into the bathroom by myself until I was 10; it may be a little weird, especially if there are family restrooms. Maybe the family restroom was being used at that moment, and the child was too young to go into the bathroom by herself and no offense, but I know my husband would not have felt comfortable with a female employee in a store, or any female he doesn't know offer to take our daughter into the woman's restroom. It was much safer for him to take her into the men's room, and if he is anything like my mom's ex, he would walk between me and the urinal and make sure that my eyes were looking only at the stalls.

I just wanted to say that a family restroom is best, but whatever it takes to get your child to go! I have a 3yo boy that goes into the restroom with me. I am a single mom, so he will until ....well for many years! If I were a dad with a little girl - same thing. You just do not know what kind of wierdo may be lurking about. If I had to go, I would not leave my son outside for fear someone would snatch him. If he needed to go, I would not allow him to go by himself for fear of a pediphile lying in wait with chlorophorm (no scream and by the time I realize he was taking too long something terrible may have already happened). It is not the same world we grew up in, so I am always way too cautious. My son's innocence is paramount!

I would freak out if I had to use a men's public restroom, and I am 35 years old! It's the whole urinal thing that gives me the heebie jeebies :))

In my opinion, portable potty is the way to go. And although I am not uptight about nakedness in the least, I do feel awkward when moms bring their sons into the ladies' restroom. I once had a kid try to crawl in from the adjoining stall because I think they were curious. Yikes! But I understand. Better kids in toilets with parents than standing around by themselves outside.

I haven't read all the responses, but...

Maybe the dad had to use the restroom himself and didn't want to leave his young daughter outside alone? What would you all expect him to do if a family restroom was not available?

I know it's happened with me when my son was younger. I would be happy to send him into the men's room on his own, but if it was me needing the facilities, I'd make him come in and wait. (Until he was old enough and mature enough to wait outside the restroom door instead of inside.)

if my husband takes our 5 year old daughter out and she needs to use the bathroom, he will take her into the mens. For now, I don't see a problem with it because she doesn't know how to use a public bathroom fully by herself yet. She is still learning and sometimes needs help getting onto the toilet because they make those things so high (and she is off the charts for height). So, for now, I see no problem with it

My dad took us in all the time when he had to. He'd peek in and if there were men using urinals, we'd wait until they left and then we'd go in.

I also took my brother in law (who is MUCH younger than my husband) into the women's restroom with me when I had him at a baseball game. My husband was part of the flag ceremony and it was just the two of us and he had to go. He was 6 and I wasn't letting him go by himself. I also had to go and made him come in the stall with me and face forward while I went. I know people may think this weird. BUT we were in a large city and there were THOUSANDS of people there and I was NOT putting his safety at risk. I told my husband what I did and I told my in-laws. No one had a problem with it.

You do what you have to to keep kids safe, even if it isn't a "norm" or if it is weird.

I've pointed out to my husband to use the family restroom, if available, BUT otherwise take them in. Better to do that than leave them alone imo.

I don't think it's weird...I have 2 sons (2 & 4) and ALWAYS take them into the restroom with me. I haven't been into a men's room, but I would assume they also have stalls, so she would have a toilet to use. Maybe he makes her stand by the sinks while he uses the urinal, so she isn't exposed to much.