Mothers of Sons

My son is not there yet.
I worked retail for 12 years.
The THINGS that went on in that bathroom!!!...and the women's too!...well lets just say my children DO NOT go into bathrooms alone.
And if anyone (in the RR) wants to give me grief over it...watch out! ;)

My son is 4.
He comes with me.
He has on occasion said "no, that's the girls.... "
But I explain to him, he is TOO young to go by himself to the Men's side and there are strangers and he is only 4. He can ONLY go with Daddy. And if Daddy is not here, he has to come with me to the women bathroom.
That he understands.

I tell him, LOTS of kids, his age and older, go with their Mommy to the women's side. It is okay.
That is what Mommies do.
Other women know.... he is a child.

I would NEVER let my 4 year old son, go by himself to the Men's bathroom. At all.
NO way.

Do you know, it takes only a couple of minutes, for a child to be molested?

Sorry, IMHO 4 is way too young to be going in the mens room by himself. My boys are 7 and 5 and I just barely let them go alone but always together and preferably with an older brother or dad too....and I always wait outside the door.

How about the 'family' restrooms that are everywhere these days?

~If he were mine, I would just explain to him that he is not yet allowed. Period.

My boys are 8 and 5 and usually still wander into the womens room with me. My 8yr old is totally capable and can use the mens room responsibly. My 5yr old still comes in with me no matter what, unless dad is with him of course.

At 4, the answer would be no. Come into hte restroom with mom.

What? You look in the mens bathroom when there are other men in there? Ummm, your not supposed to do that. Make him go to before you leave, or explain to him if he wont go into the bathroom with you, then he cant go out with you. If hes having major meltdowns there should be consequences for that behavior. Why are you letting him make the rules? If your ok with him going into the mens bathroom, thats fine, but you cant be peeking in there while men are standing there peeing!

Respectful children do not argue with their parents! haha That is too funny! Does that lady have kids?! hehe Anyway, in my opinion 4 years old is a little young. I would try explaining to him before you leave the house, like: You need to use the potty now and if you need to go again at the restaurant you will have to go with mommy because only grown up boys can go alone. Then if he does ask to go when your out explain it to him before you get to the restrooms. Maybe giving him some warnings before hand will help him to not get upset. I def wouldn't make him go in his pants, that seems a little out there and humilating to me. BTW I also read your older post and you do not sound like a violent mom, just a mom who wants her kids to grow up with some common sense and morals!

Seriously, you're the mom. What you say goes. If YOU want him to go in the women's restroom because you are more comfortable with him being where you can see him (because really, at 4 that makes a LOT of sense), then he goes in the women's restroom. Having major meltdowns in response to mommy telling him to do something/ go somewhere is not acceptable. Respectful, well behaved children DO NOT argue with their parents.

It isn't really okay for a woman to crack the door to the mens restroom (what if a man was peaking into the women's room?) The men and boys in there have a right to privacy. Until you think he is old enough to go it alone, he needs to stay with you.

That being said, my son (5) goes in the restroom alone at familiar places (Where I'm sure he'll have toilet paper if he needs it and find soap in the dispensers etc.). Otherwise, he comes in with me.

HTH
T.

Let him throw a tantrum; if he refuses to go in the women's bathroom, let him pee or poop in his pants and MAKE HIM clean it up.

mine is 4 too and once or twice he has realized that the boys room has a picture of a boy on it, and i have just told him, that only grownup boys get to go in there. we have only "just" started letting him use the one seater at our favorite mom n pop chinese place by himself (and he uses the ladies because no way would i feel comfortable "peeking" into the men's - even if i knew it was a one seater. i figure keep him in the ladies all the time, then there's no question in his mind). the place is always empty so i can hover and crack the door occasionally if i need to. it's unfortunate that you have already allowed him to use the men's room by himself. it will be that much harder to get him to use the ladies' amicably. but i agree with making him go before you leave, and at that time explaining that if he doesn't, he WILL use the ladies' room....and yes, if he has a meltdown, back home you go. no drama, no catering to the tantrum. he will have to wait to pee. out to the car. leaving groceries behind if need be. once he sees you're serious he will learn. you don't have to be mean about it, just don't give in. good luck!

I have 2 boys and we had a "buddy policy", if one needed to use the restroom, his brother had to go, too. Even then, I would make them prop the door open and I'd stand right outside and holler at regular intervals, "Hey, everything OK in there?" Adult men would walk out and chuckle but I didn't care. Pedophiles thrive on secrecy and it was no secret that I was watching and listening. If we were at a rest stop or someplace creepy, I'd make my boys talk to me or sing while they went. If they didn't like it, they could use the ladies restroom with me. I did this til they were 10 or 12.

i understand, and im so thankful i havent had to deal with this yet, my oldest son just turned 8 and still comes in with me, he could care less.... so far. since youre asking - in my opinion, there is no way on earth i would let my 4 year old go in alone. there are too many twisted people out there and i have heard too many sick stories. it only takes a second for something to happen, and you cant un-do it. this is only the beginning, especially if your son is that independent and strong willed. you have to admire him for that! but you are setting a standard here. you are telling him that safety issues are negotiable, and its gonna come up again and again. i have told my kids that if they dont agree with one of my rules, we can talk about it, and maybe ill change my mind and maybe i wont (and sometimes i do)... but that safety issues are non-negotiable. what are you gonna do when he "insists" on crossing the street by himself? or not wearing a seatbelt or a helmet? you get the idea.... maybe you can set some kind of condition, like if theres a way for you to go in there and make sure its empty first or something, but i know that for me, when i do something like that, it usually just ends up being another point for them to debate me on and i end up regretting it. some things just have to be NO and thats it. i do think you should explain why, tell him you have thought about it and realized that its just not safe. you should be explaining about strangers and privacy anyway, sad that it has to be done this young, but it does. good luck.

I'm shocked you don't "whoop" him as you indicated you do if you are disrespected (since you gave birth to him and feed him). I'm glad you are not as violent as you sounded in your previous post.

**I have never had the need to "tear up my daughter's behind right there"...ever!! We have a more calm and loving family with me still being in charge.

Our son is almost 8 and I still make him go with me. I'm just not willing to risk having a pervert do something to him. When my son was little I would tell him that someone may take him or hurt him. I would tell your son before you go that if he needs to go potty, go now because if you have to go at the store, you are going into mommy's bathroom. When I tell our kids what is going to happen before the situation arises, they handle stuff like this better.

When my son started kindergarten (so he was 5) he insisted that he was a boy and could not use the women's bathroom. So I told him the rules: 1) Don't let anyone touch you in any way 2) Use the urinal and then wash your hands and come out 3) Call me for any reason and I won't hesitate to go in He's now 6.5 years old and so far no problems. I always remind him of the rules before he goes. I feel a lot better when there is a family restroom. I of course always stand by the door and if he is taking too long I peek in and yell to ask what's taking so long.

Good question cuz I'm curious to know what other mom's do too! I have 3 girls and 1 boy. My son is 4 1/2 and recently began the same thing with wanting to use the men's room and not the ladies. I'm probably a lot more laid back after already having a couple kids cuz I would've done done that with my girls...but then again, they're girls (I know, double standard, but still...). Anyways, I've let him go and I just wait outside the door. I still offer the ladies bathroom first but 95% of the time he asks to go in the men's. I'd like to add that you'll know if your son is in there too long and it's not like someone can walk out with him cuz you're right outside the door. I've talked with my son about strangers too.

Personally, I think you ARE letting him set the rules. He is getting his way, isn't he? Think if the situation was switched, and a man was peeping in the women's bathroom to keep an eye on his DD... I would be VERY uncomfortable about that. I don't think it's OK for you to be peeping in the men's room. They have the right to their privacy too... and IMO it's worse than a man peeping into the womens, because at least we have stalls!

Since he wants to, I would let him. You are doing everything right. Tell him to use a stall and don't feel like you can't open the door and call his name to keep an eye on him. You want everyone in there to know you are waiting for him.

My son is 6 and, thankfully, will still let me take him with me in the ladies room. You've gotten some great suggetions from MOST of the moms here (ok, there were some really crazy ones CHRISTINE) but, I'm thinking most men (those NOT looking to be predators or even possibly thought of as predators) will understand your situation. My hubby HATES being in a restroom alone with a young boy. He will literally zip and zip! He's just as equally uncomfortable with that situation as us moms are. Plus, in this day and age, he just doesn't want the possibility of any implications. So send your son in, have him make sure that there aren't any other gentlemen in there and then stand by the door and ask visitors to please be patient and understanding. If someone IS already in there, have your son step out immediately and wait until that person or people leave. Men can pee really fast so it shouldn't be too long a wait to be considered unreasonble either way.

Hey C.,

My son (8) never pushed the issue until last year - so now he is allowed. However I once read from a previous mom that her young sons wanted to use the mens room - and since they were younger she had a rule that they could go in the mens room if they sang out load so she could hear them. This would let her know that if they stopped singing there might be an issue and would walk in to check if needed. It seems silly but it could be a compromise - and I would suggest a simple song like the ABC's or something easy.

Mine is 6 now and he actually came in the womens with me everytime until about a month before turning 6....now he never wants to go in womans lol...I guess he feels bigger/independant now. Personally to me 4 is still kinda young to go all alone but thats just my opinion.

I have let my 6 year old use boys/mens restrooms at his school (and his brothers school), but never in public.

I have always told my boys (6 and 4) that there is a Mommy bathroom and a Daddy bathroom when you are in public places. Mommy takes you to the mommy bathroom, and Daddy takes you there.

I think 4 might be a little young, although, if he is capable, and you are right outside, you could start with some boundaries. Like, let him go in a bathroom for men that is just a "one toilet" bathroom. Or, find a "family" bathroom and let him do it independently while you wait outside. I've noticed most malls, and our local target, and the zoo all have these one stall "Family" bathrooms available now. I don't know that I'd let him go in a big public bathroom though.

Good luck,
Jessica

hmmm...I still get a bit uncomfortable when my boys need to use the men's room. I have an 8 1/2 and 5 1/2 year...both boys. I have let them go into the boys room at our local grocery store...that's it. That's not to say that I know all the people there, that would be silly, but it's a place I am comfortable in. I always stand outside the door, and if they take too long I holler in and ask what the problem is. I try really hard to make sure everyone goes to the bathroom before we leave and then we do a lot of family bathrooms. You know, the huge seperate bathroom that has two toilets and a changing table! lol Love those.
If your son has a meltdown and wets himself because you don't feel comfortable enough to let him go into the men's room then I guess he has learned a lesson, right? He goes before you leave and he goes in the women's room with you. If not,he has an accident. Up to him! lol
L.

My son didn't really care for a LONG time. That was just "the way it was". HE knew it. There was never an option or choice. He even went in with me when HE didn't have to go but I did. He was probably 7 years old before I started letting him go totally alone. I think. He's 12 now, so it's been a few years ago... haha. I told him up front that he had to go in the ladies room so that if there was a problem I could help him. Or just so that we weren't separated (come out at different times).

My son was the exact same way at an early age. I don't remember exactly when I started letting him go in the restroom on his own but I know it was probably earlier than most, given the responses to this post. He is 8 now, & has been going in alone for some time now. Having said that, I always scoped the area out very closely well before letting him go in. There were many occasions that I didn't feel comfortable & we would leave. There were even occasions where I would ask a nice guy that was coming out if anyone was in there , if no, I would send my son in. Then if a guy started to go in, I would politely tell him my kid was in there. They were always really cool about it & understood. I know it probably wasn't the best parenting & I understand standing your ground on things & that should be 1 of them but for some reason I felt wierd about making him do something that he felt so uncomfortable about b/c he's usually not the type to argue about stuff but this was one thing he would put up a fight about.

Oh, & I would always make sure he did what needed to be done in there , as far as hygiene. You know moms have a way of knowing these things, even if not around to witness ; )

my 7 yo still comes with me, If i know it's a one person stall like in a resturant, i'll wait at the door, but that's all i feel comfortable with. mine has never been bothered by it though.

Well my 8yo was about 6.5 and my 5yo still comes in with me but he is mischevious and will probably touch everything or jump off toilets and urinals! If my older son is with us then they can go in together...I think 4 is too young to go alone I realize you don't want a melt down but a lot of bad things can happen even with you right outside the door. I would just let the meltdown happen and be firm..too many perverts out there. If my husband is with us he goes in with them even if just the 8yo has to go. He's your kid and I realize you just wanted an answer about age not a lecture but if it were me I would take a meltdown over some perver peeking or copping a feel with my son. Also the germs from touching everything like kids like to do!

My four year old goes into the womens bathroom with me. He knows he does not have an option. Also, he really doesn't care one way or the other. Sometimes he will go in with my husband and other times he wants me to take him. It's going to be a few more years before I will let him go into the mens bathroom by himself. You never know what pervert might be lurking around in there. Not trying to condemn you here, but our son knows that melt downs are out of the question.

I usually don't let my kids do that until age 7. My son was extra small at that age but he was pretty adimant to use the men's restroom. I waited outside for him. I also tried to always have them used the family bathrooms where he would go in and lock the door. Good luck!!

My son is 8 and has been recently giving me grief if I suggest he comes with me. Just keep a watchful eye--it's great that he wants to be independent!