Puberty Overtaking My Teenage son..Help Me!!

I totally understand your situation. My son is 14 years old as well and I am going thru the same thing. Some of the things I have done are sat in class with my son along with the parent teacher conference. I keep in touch with his teachers on a weekly basis thru email and I show my son the emails so he can see that he is not allowed to get away with anything at school. At home he has gotten into the happen by saying “I am going to do this and that.” When he tells me that I tell him NO and that he needs to ask me and not tell me. My son goes to bed at 9:00p.m but when he disrespects me or talks back to me I move his bed time up to 8:00p.m or 8:30p.m and that really get’s him. My son also tells me that he hates me and I am the worse mother but I tell him I discipline him because I love him and I want him to respect everyone. I am not sure if this is a stage that all 14 year olds go thru but I can’t wait till it’s over. Let me see what else I have done. His play station gets taken away along with his PSP. My son plays baseball and I have sat him out on some games that seem to work really well. Also the coaches my son has had have helped me along by making him run during practice. I hope this helps you, it is not a permanent fix but I have noticed my son settles down for a while.

Hi J.!

I feel your pain. I don't have children of my own that has gone through this yet...but I do have 3 step children that I helped raise. When I got married to their father they were 15, 14, and 12. The oldest was the boy. Obviously we know that boys are a lot more immature than girls and at this age it's a real challenge. The only advice that I can give you is to keep being strong and set in your beliefs because the minute you buckle it's hard to set your standards back to how they use to be. He is going to hate you no matter how you reprimand him and you will be the worst person ever in his eyes (don't worry, it won't be forever). It will be hard being the bad guy but you have to do what is best for him now before it gets way out of hand. My stepson is now 23 and a father of 2. He is now realizing why we did the things that we did for him and to him. It is a very slow process but the end result will be very rewarding to you as long as you keep your feet planted firmly on the ground. This is the beautiful gift that we give our children--parenting and guidance. I hope this helps out just a bit...good luck!

J.,

Should you find something that works will you please let me know. I raise my nephew and I am going through the same EXACT situation.

Thanks

M.

You've been given some really sound advise, going to the pregnancy center sounds like a good idea, a reality check for sure. Also I noticed you have alot going on with 2 jobs and school. Hang in there for the 3 weeks to go!!!! Congratulations! Maybe with school being over that will help too. At your son's age like it was told to you his hormones are out of whack and he's not knowing what he feels either. Like girls some boys are more girl/boy crazy than others and their hormones are crazy. I think it will help when your thru with school so hang in there. Just going to work everyday is stressful but when your plate is full your tired and overwhelmed. So hopefully when your finished with school things will calm down some and you can tackle this situation with a refreshed mind. Good luck and God bless. Oh and in saying that reflect on things said about the center. Your son will listen to a man alot easier than a mom and they will equip him with the info he needs to hear. My girls came home from school and told me some of the things that the girls on the cheer squad were doing and we arranged a speaker come and speak to the squad. My oldest daughter was so impressed with what they had learned. Even though I had been telling her alot of the same things I guess it helped to know that it wasnt just me trying to be a square mom. My youngest daughter wanted her to write in her autograph book that I bought her for 8th grade, anyway my oldest wrote to her about Hormones being out of whack and that guys will tell you they love you and drop you like a hot potatoe she also wrote her that sex is a gift from God and that God designed our bodies for sex its just not something that man figured out. She told her that we are to have lots of relationships with people but God wanted us to have something special with the one we marry and when you have sex its a bond and when you share it with everyone you exploit your bond and ect. I was then the one impressed. I'm happy we had a speaker come speak to our girls.

Have you thought about selling him to the Gypsies? lol, just a thought. I wish I could tell you a good idea on how to handle your son but unless your able to commit 98% of your time to managing his life for him, thats probably not going to happen. I agree with taking him to a pregnancy crisis center but I don't think thats enough. Your son seems to have way to much time on his hands. Have you thought about signing him up for volunteer services? I know that there are always people out there who need yard work done since its coming on spring quickly. He will most likely resent it and fight you on it but once all is said and done, You will be able to sleep a little better at night knowing that your son did something good instead of getting into trouble with a girl. The statement that your son made to you about needing a girl to talk to or he gets mean? thats a cop-out, I have heard similar excuses from drug addicts who try to justify their drug usage. When you have time, call up some not-for-profit organizations in your area and find out if they can put a 14 yr old boy to work. (not sure if thats even legal but its worth a try). Short of locking him in his room till he's 18, I think that just keeping him busy is a good way to keep him out of trouble, plus, at the end of summer this year, he will have the opportunity to talk about his summer vacation and have accomplished something really good. (Oh call a few general contractors to see if they are able to take on an un-paid apprentice, a little hard work never hurt any able-bodied person) Keep him busy, good luck.

J.,

I work with Crisis Pregnancy Centers throughout the country and do public speaking, so I work with teenagers on a regular basis. I see this all the time. Most of the simple steps I could tell you to start off with you've probably already tried so I'll take it to a deeper level.

Assuming you've talked to your son about Sex, girls and all that, take your son to a Crisis Pregnancy Center, most of them have male counselors there, they'll talk to him about what they see every day, give him some information about STD's, about how to find the right girl for him, about how to judge a girls character, etc. They may be able to offer some information to you as well. You may have tried talking to him about such thing but teenagers, especially boys don't want to hear that from their parents. It might sink in if he hears it from someone else. He's got alot of emotions, adrenaline, and hormones trying to take over right now and he doesn't know what to do with himself, thus all the activities. But when he's home, alone just you and him that's when he needs to know what to do with himself.

If you are a religious person I suggest the care net centers rather than planned parenthood, but the choice is yours. You can find one near you by going to www.carenet.com

It might not seem that this is the source of his issues but girls are at the forfront of his mind right now. Especially with what you said about his cell phone. Girls this age are confused and far more racy then we ever were. My own daughters are teenagers and it still amazes me what the girls in their school will do. Most of these girls don't know who they are nor do they show any respect for themselves so of course they won't show respect for your son. He must learn how to respect himself and them as well even when they don't respect themselves. NOT an easy thing for a boy to do, hey his reputation is on the line (at least that's how he'll see it).

He's still young and he's got time but if he doesn't set boundaries for himself now and decide for himself what his values are in regards to his future and girls, before he's put in a compromising position then when it comes up he may make the wrong choice. But the key factor for success is that he must set the boundaries, he must make the choice, he needs to feel empowered to do that and knowledge is power.

My book "Surviving the teenage Journey" was written mostly for teen girls but perhaps it will give him some insight into how they're thinking and why they are doing the things he sees them doing. I've had a few responses from parents and grandparents who said that after having their daughters read my book they were going to have their sons and grandsons read it. There are quite a few books out there and if your son is willing to read one maybe you could find one to fit his personality, that would be helpful for him too.

Good Luck! Hope this helps...