Proper Etiquette Regarding High School Friend's Passing

Yes - it wouldn't be a traditional "with sympathy" card or anything given the amount of time that has passed, but a simple card with a note enclosed would be thoughtful. Just something along the lines of "I recently learned of Mary's passing in 2008. She and I were high school and college friends who lost touch a few years ago, but I always thought fondly of her and was saddened to hear this news. She was a good friend to me for many years and I will miss her and you will be in my thoughts." My brother passed away last year and my parents and I still hear from random people who are just hearing of the news and it's always touching to know that he is remembered.

I see it this way.... LOVE and GOOD INTENTIONS are never out of season (or good manners as I tell my son) ... thing is, you are genuinely moved by her passing and because of it, why not send that card.. You can be honest and write that sadly and regrettably you had only recently found out of your friend's passing.. You might also want to include how wonderful you thought the person was and what she meant to you..

If I lost someone who was dear to me and years later , I received a card, it would warm my heart to know how special they thought my loved one was... so to you I say, follow your heart....
you may feel like you are opening old wounds, but I believe if a wound is there, it's there.. it's in kind and loving deeds such as a card that help people find solace and healing.....

go with your gut instinct and forget Miss Manners......... kindness prevails in this case!!

my best to you

Of course! I'm sure anyone would love to know how you knew their loved one who passed away. Maybe even share a story or two remember her, would help ease their sorrow a little.

Thoughtfulness is never an empty gesture!

I wouldn't send a condolence card... as a person whose dad died a few years ago, I would find it awkward. BUT... I do have long lost people who will randomly message me or send a "thinking of you" card and say, "You know, I was just thinking about your dad today and that one time we ...(short story...). He was a great person, I really miss him sometimes! I hope you have a great day and know you are in our thoughts." or something sincere like that. It always means a lot to me :)

It is never too late to express condolences to the family of someone who has died. Never. I don't know what Miss Manners says, but the family will be so pleased to hear from you. There is still a big hole in their lives from your friend's death. Please contact them.

i am so sorry about your loss.

Unfortunately, I have been in this situation and have written a note letting the family know I have just been informed of the death of their child, spouse.. whatever. In my case it was people I had worked with or attended school with.

Since it is new to you, you just wanted the family to know you are sorry, to not have known their family member dies, express how their death has affected you and maybe mention a memory or 2 about the person..

I PROMISE. They will be happy to receive this note. They never quit missing or thinking of this loved one, it will give them comfort to know why you had not responded originally and that you miss this person.

It is always appropriate to express your heartfelt condolences-they will love it and they will be so appreciative of your kindness. Today, I spoke to a woman-who knew my brother who passed away in 1978- and she recounted so many wonderful memories that she has of him-it warmed my heart and gave me such a peaceful feeling-it was just so wonderful-God bless you! Kleenex please!

I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is for this but if someone sent me or my family condolences for my brother I (and my family) would not be upset by it (he passed away 3 years ago at the age of 42).

I do not know how a widowed husband or any children will feel about it though.