Prom Problems

You are being very controlling. Why shouldn't she enjoy what her girlfriend wants to give her? It doesn't seem over the top to me at all.

Boys routinely pay for the "extras" of prom for their girlfriends, what is different about this situation?

I do not even sort of understand this question. She isn't asking for anything more than you already authorized. What is the big deal?

So no, I don't think you are right.

My daughter has had a few friends that were unable to afford certain activities. I gave my daughter money to allow her to pay for her friends. I was always glad to help. (BTW....these are not even close friends...I have never met them, but they are part of her theatre group and if the kids are doing something on the weekend, I would not want one of the kids to miss out due to financial reasons.)

I had to remove my son from his high school due to bullying because he is gay. He will never go to prom. He will never have a class ring and he won't have all of those memories because now he attends an online high school and will be starting college early. It is very hard and very sad. He is very lonely. You should be thankful that your daughter is accepted, that she has someone to be with on this special night and that she has a supportive group of friends. Heck, you should be thankful that she can actually go to prom with a girl as her date as that is certainly not accepted nor allowed everywhere.

Let her go. Take lots of pictures. Be happy for her. She is going to college soon and you do not want to spend the little time left that you have with her fighting a non-battle.

Sorry but I too cannot confirm. She is sticking to your budget. Her girlfriend is giving her a gift. You cannot control what the girlfriend does with her money.

Your daughter shouldn't have laughed but you need to pull back. I have been in your shoes with both of my kids. Yes, Senior year is expensive but again, she is sticking to the budget you made.

Take pictures, kiss your daughter and tell her to have a wonderful time.

Sorry mom, but it does not make sense that you will not allow her friend to give her this gift. It in no way is breaking your agreement. People that are fond of your daughter will probably be giving her generous gifts during this time. That is what our friends do.

And I do not agree with the person that said people do not give things without strings attached, I find the complete opposite, I guess we are blessed to have true friends that offer and give from their hearts. I know we do it and never expect anything in return.

Heck a mom friend and I hosted the Prom dinner for 18 kids. We never asked for help, money, anything. We wanted to host it and save all of these kids the expense of prom dinners out and be able to help them have fun memories.

Parents volunteered to help, some volunteered to make desserts. We prepared beef tenderloin, scalloped potatoes grilled asparagus and all of the trimmings.

We even gave money annonomously to a young woman to help her purchase items for the prom. She and her family have no idea where the financial help was from, they are proud, but we felt this girl deserved to be included in the festivities.

Absolutely no strings attached.

Sorry, no confirmation from me. I was following along just fine, but you went off the rails with "She made her bed and now she has to lie in it."

Uhm? She is. She's spending the money exactly as agreed. You can't also control how her GF spends HER money.

I think you should graciously thank this sweet girl, who wants to enjoy the full prom experience with your daughter. I think you ought to be excited that they are going to prom and enjoy the fact that they are both happy. You're creating memories here....don't let your need to control everything create a really crappy memory that will potentally place an unneeded wedge in your relationship with your daughter right before she goes to college.

ETA: Donna S.'s advice might be some of the worst I've seen. Putting military service to a contract as a punishment? How about a big NO. As a military servicemember with 13 years in service, I can say that joining the military isn't something you threaten your child with. Nor do you threaten to take away the college fund if you've previously saved that money for them and they've applied to colleges based upon that financial guarantee. Seriously, STFU Donna. And then recommending codependency recovery groups? Manipulating people because your feelings are hurt is ALSO codependent behavior. That's a nogo.

Uh...no confirmation here either.
You still get your dress limit and exclusions.
She gets her prom.
I kind of don't get your reaction.
It's no skin off your nose, right?

ETA: Read Letty's response 10 times over and count your blessings. Letty, I'm sorry that in this day and age, your son and others like him are suffering. At least he has a mom who has back, right? He'll be alright, but it's still just sad. My heart breaks for you and him :-(

Original:
Sorry...I can see your side but ultimately, I think you're in the wrong here. If she were dating a boy, would you find it a problem that he sprung for a limo, or paid for the tickets, etc.? Our would the expectation be that the boy pays for mostly everything (tickets, limo, flowers?

Her girlfriend wants to have fun. She wants to be with a date who is dressed to the nines, and do the limo thing with friends. Nothing in what you laid out as choices for your daughter prohibited her from finding other ways to pay for the extra perks.

It's the senior prom. She has only one. Don't let this be something that you dig in your heels for...will this really matter 5 years from now? No? Then let it go. This is not a hill worth dying on.

Sometimes you make your bed, but then you decide to change the sheets and it works out better.

You have helped with the sheet-changing by offering to pay for the dress. Now her girlfriend is choosing to cover the other stuff. You have no ethical leg to stand on here, as your behavior is no different for anyone else's in this situation. These are her decisions to make now, not yours.

I think this is a case of being a senior-mom. The instinct to cling and control is kicking in because you know that she is leaving soon.If you don't let go of this and back away from being emotionally involved in the scenario, you're going to harm your relationship and she won't be just leaving home, but leaving you too.

Sorry, but I feel you are wrong, she is right, however her attitude about it sucks. You may want to address that. If her GF has chosen to spend this money this way, then it is between her and her parents. Stick to your budget and let the other family worry about theirs. It's not coming out of your pocket, so surrender this one.

I see that you wanted her to stick to a budget, and she's done that. She has unforeseen circumstances - positive ones - including having a new girlfriend. Suddenly things are important because she won't be dealing with them alone. So she's been resourceful, and the two girls have worked out some budgeting and pricing between them. Assuming that the other girl has come up with the money through her parents, her job or her savings, and that neither girl has done anything awful like engage in drug dealing, shoplifting or prostitution to get the money, where's the harm. The point wasn't to keep her away from prom, but to control your expenses. She's done that.

In the "old days", the boy invited the girl to prom and had 90% of the expenses (tickets, flowers, pictures, his own tux, some entertainment afterwards, blah blah) and the girl had the dress to buy. Girls did each other's hair and nails. So the expenses weren't evenly shared by the two members of the couple, and no one said anything about it. 10 years ago, your daughter wouldn't have been able to go public about her relationship with another girl, and schools wouldn't have allowed them to attend together.

So I'd celebrate her senior milestone, her happiness, her resourcefulness, and I'd get behind this with a smile on my face. Her dad is gone, she's trying to make memories, and in 6 months she'll be gone and you won't have the ability to share her special moments. Tell her you've reconsidered, and it's up to her and her girlfriend to figure out how to share expenses without anyone feeling pressured or put upon.

But yeah, she needs to stop the attitude and show some respect. Part of being an adult is being able to negotiate with someone in a mature and respectful way - these are skills she will need with her girlfriend's parents, with teachers, with college professors, etc. If you want to, make her "earn" the privilege of more freedom by acting more grown-up instead of defiant. You're working hard while Dad is away, and you have all the responsibility. It's okay to tell her that, so long as you recognize it's a hardship for her too.

i think your parameters about what you can spend are great. sounds like all the lead-in was handled sensibly and thoughtfully (especially your relaxed attitude about the girlfriend- how refreshing to see it dealt with so naturally!)
but i don't get why you're in a snit now.
this isn't a 12 year old (and i don't think i'd stick my oar in even if it were.) this is senior, getting ready to go to college, and you're trying to control a perfectly reasonable decision that is frankly between her and her girlfriend. it's no skin off your nose if they want this so badly that THEY'RE making it happen. i figured you were going to say that she was whining to you that she'd made a poor decision and wanted you to fix it, but it's not that at all.
why is it your choice how a girl NOT your daughter spends her money?
why do you think it appropriate to ground a young woman who is getting ready to start life as an adult? especially for an 'infraction' like pointing out the obvious to you?
i would way re-think this, mama. i suspect you're having a below-the-decks panic attack that your little girl is on the verge of adulthood, and a meltdown is erupting in this unexpected and inappropriate fashion.
stick to your guns about what you've agreed (sensibly and thoughtfully) to spend on her, and wish her and her girlfriend a fabulous time at the prom.
khairete
S.

If it was a guy who was picking her up and getting her flowers would you insist she turn down those gifts? Her girlfriend wants to do something nice for her, why would you stand in the way of that?

Also, if this is her senior year (and the end of the year is coming up fast) then she is not a child anymore, you need to allow her the space to grow up.

Seriously, pick your battles. There is no reason for you to not let her accept a gift from an outside source.

I can see your frustration but if you take a step back, getting her nails and hair done etc isn't that big an expenditure. Not like the girlfriend is paying for the trip to Europe... Yes, it all adds up with the limo but if she was going with a boy, it wouldn't seem odd for him to pay for the limo, right? I think the poor boys back in my day had to pay for that... So it's hair, nails and make-up. Not that big a deal. What will or would you do if the girlfriend wanted to take her out to a couple of nice dinners? Say no? Again, if this was a boy, it'd be a very typical dating scenario. Those dinners likely would add to same cost. Your daughter is being treated. She's not the first... Just remind her she's lucky this time. She won't always have someone to step in for her with money. It's a lesson many kids have to learn.

I think you need to apologize to her. If her prom date wants to spend the money on her, you should be thankful and happy for her. How is this any different than a male prom date paying for the event, flowers, dinner and getting his father's car to drive or renting a limo? Let her date enjoy paying and be grateful. I think it's working out nicely that your daughter is able to do all these wonderful things her senior year. What great memories she is making. Try to be positive.

I guess I'm a little confused why this is the hill you want to die on. Does she have a habit of being irresponsible or a gold digger? To me, it sounds like it was all pretty reasonable how this happened. And this is senior prom and her date wants to treat her like royalty. Obviously, she should make an effort to somehow earn this money and pay for it herself, but nail appointments aren't a huge cost and if she was going with a guy, I'd kind of expect (traditionally) for him to pay for the limo. This is an odd thing to pull the strict parent card on when she's out of the house in a few months...

I think your pride was hurt. It is much easier on the ego to be the one to give rather than the one who can't afford to give.

It's a gift from her date. I don't get why this is a problem. It's a PROM GIFT from her date. WHY are you making this about her?

Maybe she shouldn't have laughed, but I'm guessing it was surprised laughter because your reaction honestly doesn't make sense.

I may be off base, but are you upset that the other girl is giving these things to her when you aren't able to afford it? Because that's what it feels like. If this is the case, you REALLY need to let it go. THAT is the attitude that is truly the problem, not your daughter being happy that her date want's to treat her to a makeover for prom.

Sounds like you have a great kid. Let her accept the gift. Teach her to be sure to be thankful for it. Why should she turn down a gift? Would you make her turn down a pretty necklace that went with the dress? I think it's more of your control issues than it is the hair and nails. Let her have her fun. Hold her hand along the way and teach her along the way. You won't be there next year - sucks, I'm sure.

Please, please re-read Letty's advice.

I grew up in a time when my best friend in high school was gay. He never went to prom and also, I don't think, ever graduated. He was afraid to be out. Consider this a lovely offer to your daughter and move on. Honestly, you sound almost spiteful about this and I'm not sure why. If you really make this an issue, blow it out of proportion... she'll only think you are a control freak. She will NOT be thinking "gee Mom sure taught me to make my decisions carefully"... that's extremely wishful thinking, to be very polite about it. It will just be "my mom is horrible and I will be so thankful to get away from her when I go to college-- and I will *tell her nothing* because she can't be trusted not to overreact."

Is that what you want? Let it go...

Why do you care what this other girl spends her money on? Do you always get so controlling about gifts and generousities your daughter receives? I really don't understand how this is a "parenting" issue, as it simply has nothing to do with you.

This is sad... Prom is a big deal here and it's pricey. Some people are WAY overboard.. Your daughter did not have all the information when she made her choice to forgo prom.

That said, I wouldn't punish her just to spite that she's not doing what was agreed upon. Things change, especially in high school.

My daughter graduated HS in 2013. The dress she found for 2012 to attend with her bf from another school was way over the generous budget we gave her. She loved this Sherri Hill dress so much and it is gorgeous and looks beautiful on her.... So her compromise was to wear the same dress to her Sr prom. Her Bf went to a different school so as far as her friends were concerned, it was new!!

The group in 2012 split costs to have a party bus, I set up a special beautiful dinner within their budget at our country club with my connections. They all had a great time.

Move forward to 2013, she did not know if she was going to prom or not since she and bf broke up. Turns out that she did have a bf by prom time and we helped with professional pictures, dinner downtown Dallas and a private car for transportation.

I'd much prefer to pay for her and a friend or bf to have a limo or private car for the event. Safety is a key factor with that decision.

I did want her to have the momentos such as yearbook, homecoming, prom... She was on the cheer squad and Varsity Captain so she had leadership roles with the class of 1200+.

That said.. A class ring meant zero to her. So instead if purchasing an expensive class ring that would rarely worn, we purchased her favorite David Yurman ring for graduation... Probably less cost than a class ring!!! She wears that ring daily!!! It is way more special than a HS class ring to her.

So.... If my daughter had a friends with limited funds and she does... I have no problem footing the bill for momentos for her and her friend. We never expected reciprocation.... We wanted them to love this once in a lifetime event from high school. It is something we wanted to share with this friend.

Costs can be significantly reduced when groups share the bill. However, nothing was said or expected from this friend ( like your daughter) who benefited from the gestures. Her smile and happiness that evening was worth the extra money we spent. They are also still close friends!!

Try to look at it in an open minded way. Maybe someone is paying it forward to yiur daughter out if appreciation for her dad's service!!! I'd have no issue with doing that for a special girl.

Now... If there is an attitude with your daughter.... She needs to fix that stat before you consider any possibility. A snotty Attitude toward you is unacceptable!

Oh... And she has worn the dress again!!! It's unvelievably gorgeous and she'll wear it again!!!

Take care and thanks to your husband for his service.

Things were tight during my now college student's junior and senior years of high school.

Your daughter made the choices based on the budget that you gave her. If she has found other ways to pay for other actiivities, whether working or as someone else's date, I don' think that she has made her bed and has to lie in it. She hasn't done anything wrong. My oldest is also a member of the LGBTQ community. If your daughter was straight and had a boyfriend, would you have objections over the boyfriend paying for things like a prom ticket, the limo, a post prom party? However the girlfriend is paying for this is up to her. Maybe she is using her allowance or money that she earns from working, which her parents perhaps don't require her to put toward her education - different strokes for different folks. As you point out, in just months, your child will be in college - you won't have as much control over her life, so it's good not to micromanage now. You're going to ground her for accepting a gift from her date? Mom, you need to let go. This isn't an issue of her doing something wrong. Really it just sounds like you want her to have to do without. Just because you cannot provide something doesn't mean that she can't find another way. She isn't participating in bad behavior like drugs, drinking, cutting school, lying, so I wouldn't want to put your relationship in a bad place - when they go off to college, we want to be on good terms with them so that they stay in frequent contact, tell us (honestly) about their lives and want to come home to visit on breaks.

I told my teen what we could and could not do for various events. Some things, she opted to pay for herself, like when a girlfriend invited her to junior prom during her sophomore year. I told her I'd pay for everything for HER prom, her junior year. I didn't have money senior year when senior ball came around (which my kid first said she didn't plan to attend). Due to my husband being unemployed, guidance offered to comp my teen's ticket to senior ball and gave a gift card to purchase a dress. I didn't even consider telling her that she couldn't accept just because she originally said she didn't plan to go.
Good luck.

She's right. You can't stop someone else from giving her a gift.

So her girlfriend is paying for nails and hair and she's is going with a group in a limo. I'm sorry I'm not seeing anywhere in that scenario that she is asking you to pay for her to do any of those things. I think she will be safer in a limo than driving. Lighten up Francis as my hubby would say.

Updated

So her girlfriend is paying for nails and hair and she's is going with a group in a limo. I'm sorry I'm not seeing anywhere in that scenario that she is asking you to pay for her to do any of those things. I think she will be safer in a limo than driving. Lighten up Francis as my hubby would say.

It's the girlfriend's money to spend as she wishes. YOU are not being pressed for any money beyond what you agreed to spend.
Let it go, let her get her hair and nails done and ride in a limo on her girlfriend's dime, and tell her to be careful and have fun.

I think I see where you are coming from. If it were me, I would feel like I had set some good parameters and taught a good lesson about budgets, making choices, and responsibility- much like you did. So then if someone else came along to negate all of it, I would be upset and feeling like my daughter didn't 'get' the point, and stick to our agreement. I totally get that, and it makes sense- especially as she is about to head off to college.

But... it got messy with the girlfriend swooping in and offering all of this. Top it off with a disrespectful attitude and this is where you are. I know it's hard, but I would take a few big steps back. Prom is a big deal. I would tell your daughter that you'd like to start over here- let her know you are glad she'll be able to have prom memories. Tell her she hurt your feelings and was rude when she laughed. Tell her it is very generous of her girlfriend to offer to pay for things, and make sure that this is not hurting the girlfriend financially. Just explain that you want her to know that life is about choices and priorities, and as we grow up we can't always do everything we want, and that is what you wanted her to know. But that you do not want to begrudge her this special event.

I really do get why you are upset, this was a good lesson gone wrong thanks to forces beyond your control. But reset things with your daughter so you aren't upset with each other on the day of- get your camera out, take pictures of your beautiful girl, and give her a big hug. You can always strangle her later. :-)

I think let this one go. Hair and nails - the girlfriend will enjoy this too, and she's probably thinking more "let's have fun together" than "I'm covering your expenses". Her parents may want her to have that experience also and are willing to pay for it. I would let your daughter accept it graciously.

The other option is to pay for it yourself, and have her pay you back for it - if that's the lesson you really want to instill. I used to do that with my parents. They were not on a budget so much as thought a lot of things in the 80's were very frivolous, so if it wasn't something they thought ought to be covered, they paid and I babysat or did extra chores to pay them back.

Your daughter didn't know she'd have a girlfriend or date for prom - and I think it's awesome, so celebrate that and don't let this small thing put a damper on it. You don't want her to look back and think "oh that's when mom wouldn't let me get my nails done..". Some battles are not worth it (like in this case).

But I do get that you want to instill in her financial responsibility and honoring your choices. But it is ok to accept gifts (especially if the other girl will enjoy the time too). I think it's great you paid for her dress - you sound very supportive :)

I think if her girlfriend wants to spend the money on her, why not?

Well, the money for it is not coming from your pocket.
But I know what you mean about accepting expensive gifts from relative strangers.
People just don't give something for nothing - somehow there are strings attached.
I'd let it go for now but keep an eye on her.

I might want to talk to girlfriends parents to see if they are aware/are ok with/are paying for the hair/nails/limo.
Your husband might be deployed but if you can communicate, does he have an opinion about the situation?

Personally? I think prom/prom costs have gotten WAY out of hand.
If her priorities have changed, maybe the Europe spring break trip isn't that important to her anymore.

Bigger picture: She laughed? As in, laughed in your face with an "I can do what I like and you can't stop me" attitude?

That's the problem, not the prom or a gift of hair and nails etc. from her girlfriend. Sounds like your daughter has a case of attitude and figures that since she's 18, you're not the boss of her. Instead of acting glad and grateful it sounds as if your daughter is acting entitled and doing a bit of a "Gotcha!" in your direction.

But that ship has sailed, I think. Her girlfriend's savings for education aren't your concern, and bringing it up wasn't necessary when your real issue was your daughter getting whatever she wanted despite your plan with her to limit things. You saw the gift as impinging on your careful budgeting arrangement with your daughter (which I do understand). But raising it as "the girlfriend should save for her own education" wasn't really on topic. Your daughter saw it for the smokescreen it was -- but she also should have ditched her attitude when speaking to you about it. Well, it's a gift, and at this point, I would let her go, let her do the limo (very common to do group limos for proms) and yes, let her girlfriend give her the gift of hair and makeup. How the girlfriend spends her money is between her and her parents.

I would not choose to make this a battle. But if she starts to want more "senior perks" the rest of the year, after you already let her do prom, I'd be talking to her about the idea of entitlement.

If the GF wants to buy her these things, I would allow it. It is not your dime and they are in a relationship. My then-BF took me to dinner, got me flowers and paid for our tickets for Prom and we had not been dating as long as your DD and her GF. If GF wants to and can afford it, and it's not your pocketbook, then I would not put the kabosh on it. You said YOU would not pay for hair, etc. You did not say she could not get them done, period. This is not a hill I would die on. This is a gift. Please allow her to accept a gift from her significant other. How GF pays for her education is between her and her parents and her chosen school.

I am concerned that you not only see this as wrong, but would essentially ground your almost-graduate for accepting the gift. She should thank her GF and treat her GF well. Your daughter is almost an adult and should be treated like one. I would have laughed, too, in surprise.

I also agree to read the letters below, especially the one about the boy who will not have this chance. Do not take this from your daughter because you are feeling upset about other financial decisions or her going to college or feeling alone because your DH is deployed. Please deal with those feelings another time and let her have her Prom.

I think her laughing at you is disrespectful, but she has a point: you can't stop someone else from giving a gift.

IMO, I don't believe she's finding a way around your rules. I would absolutely address the attitude problem, but I would also mea culpa for asking her to turn down the girlfriend's offer.

And because it's likely the first big present she's received from a significant other and she's still pretty young, I would also have a discussion with her about accepting gifts and being certain there are no strings attached.

What I see is that the daughter laughed in the mother's face about being able to get the extra nice things for the prom from her girlfriend. That was not right by the daughter.

However, now that she is getting the extras, it is time to let it go and enjoy the fact that they did not come out of your senior year high school budget and that they will be great. Do take many pictures of your daughter and her date. This is a rite of passage into the adult world that she is taking. Mom may not be ready for it but here it comes.

Thank your husband for his service.

This is a small hill to fight about. So please do pick your battles in the future. College is just a few months away and that can be an eternity for both of you and the severing of ties. Now is the time to treat her as an adult. It hurts but it is time to let go and let her spread her wings. She will fall down but you are here to catch her and let her go.

the other S.

PS You have to trust that all the things that you have taught her will stick and keep her safe on her journey in life.

This has nothing to do with your parenting. You sound like a great parent! She is being given something by a girlfriend. How can you say no to that? That's for her to decide, not you. True, she shouldn't have laughed at you, but you really can't decide for her what she can accept here, unless you want to drive a huge wedge between the two of you. You're really going to say "no" because she can get her hair and nails done, and get a ride to the prom? She'll never forgive you. I wouldn't either, if I were her.

Don't let this be the thing that defines her last semester of high school. Let her go, take plenty of pictures, smile and realize that in a few short months when she's an adult, you won't have any say at all.

Hugs.

Looks like your daughter enjoys getting spoiled. I can say I don't blame you for feeling used and put down. Especially when all of these kinds of decisions and financial difficulties fall all in you. I commend you for trying to set budgets for your daughter to learn.

I'd just forgo arguing, and just tell Her that I hope one day she realizes all you are trying to do, and she should be thankful for all of the things she acquired. I'd be happy with a trip to Europe!

Sometimes you have to chose the battle, and hope one day they learn the lesson that we parents are trying to set.

R.,

Go back to the drawing board.
You didn't keep your word.
1. Class Ring
2. Senior Pictures
3. Trip to Europe for Spring Break

4. NO PROM

You need to go back to the Drawing Board
and Create a NEW CONTRACT.
You are the Authority!!!!!!

New Contract:
1. Class Ring
2. Senior Pictures
3. Prom Dress
4. Military Service

NO
NO Trip to Europe
NO College fund, she will have to get a job until graduation.
You are not paying for her college.

Set boundaries. Go to Co-dependents Anonymous to learn to say NO.

D.

So what? if she goes you're taking her and picking her up? I would not let a boy pay for the other things for my granddaughter so I don't think I'd feel right about her accepting the same gifts from another romantic person.

It's still someone romantic buying a romantic gift for a girlfriend that to me crosses a bit of a line.

The ride? that's sort of corny.

What I'd do is find a way for her to earn the money to pay for those things herself. I don't think anyone should have to choose to not get to go to prom like this.

I do understand though. One of our dance moms won't buy her daughter a studio sweat shirt because she's going off to college in the fall and will want to have garments with her school colors and mascot.

It's really sad because ALL the girls in the studio have them and wear them to class and they were even going to wear them in a hip hop number but since she doesn't have one none of them wore them.

The mom said she didn't need one but I really think the $20 they cost would be well spent since she can wear it for nearly a year before she moves out. So I do understand.

I do think your dress limit is reasonable. I hope she can find a way to pay for the hair and makeup and manicure on her own.

Let her find some part time jobs babysitting or delivering newspapers or something. Help her to know it's not right to let someone else pay for personal things like hair and makeup and stuff. That's stuff a fiance or husband/wife/long time partner would take care of.

Check in your area for prom dress "give aways" and maybe you could save the money and use it for the "extras" of hair, nails, make-up, etc. In Kansas City area, one of the huge churches has a week in the spring, where they give away FREE prom dresses. My daughter in law helps with this and they had nearly 3,000, (yes, three thousand) dresses to give away. Some they saved back for other special occasions, like New Years Eve.
It is geared for those who are less fortunate or can't afford to buy dresses.