Problems with My Mom and My Husband

When it is a matter of protecting your kids and fostering their relationships with one another and their father... I don't see a choice. I know it is hard, but you have to do wha tis best for your kids even if it is hard on you. No way would I let anyone, let alone a grandmother (step-grandmother) treat my kids badly.

To be fair to her, you have to have to be very clear and consistent with how you respond to her. If you ignore her behavior, she will take that as a sign it is acceptable. Be calm but firm as you would be with a child - and impose consequences. IF you talk to my kids this way, then you will be asked to leave. Etc.

Your husband is a grown man. Show him empathy for his feelings, but he is responsible for his own actions. He can speak for himself and make his own decisions. If she misbehaves, you need to back him up. But you can't change either of them and you can't act on their behalfs.

You are putting too much pressure on yourself. You know right from wrong. Respond honestly and calmly to situations, and don't get pulled into drama. Say your peace and walk away. Your one allegience is to the kids, (all of them), so focus on that and don't let other behave like they are the kids who need your attention.

tell your mom to back off, limit visits to keep your daughter in line. your mom is being way out of line and eventually it will hurt your marraige.

You have to stand up for your household (sometimes easier said than done) and you will step on her toes in order to have order in YOUR home. her treating the children differently should not be allowed, she should be expected to keep grown up conversations out of your daughters ears and venting about the two sons if for grown up not your daughter. When you teach your mom how to treat you, your children and your family the arguments with the hubby on that issue will be less.

am i the only one that read your husband calls her on his own?? i would say if he's the one inviting her in your lives more he doesnt have the right to complain??

Set some boundaries with both her and your husband and stop allowing the manipulation. You are in charge of your family and how much interaction you have with your mom. Stop allowing her to spend time with your daughter if she is 'poisoning' your daughter's mind with her ideas. You are the adult, and MAKE SURE your hubby is on the same page as you. Tell him you will not stand for him calling your mom and enabling the bad behavior. Your mom will have to make her own friends when she finds out that you are not her doormat anymore.

Why is your DH calling her? That needs to stop. He's adding fuel to the fire. Other than that, I don't really see where he's part of the problem.

Why would you allow someone to belittle & trash talk your son & your DH's son, and to your own daughter ? This is their grandma... an adult who shouldn't be choosing one grandkid over the other or poisoning one against the others. Do you really want your daughter learning that type of behavior & thinking it's okay? Do you really want her to continue to have a diva complex? If my mom did that, she would be cut off so fast, her head would spin.

It sounds like your mom is a major source of negativity & toxicity. You are an adult, and your job is to protect your kids. Right now you are not doing so. I think it's time to put your big girl panties on & put your mom in her place. If she can't handle it, then it's time for some space from your mom.

J.,
I'd have a heart to heart talk with her, lay down the ground rules,
(if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything ,about anyone in your family ,but, it should be a general rule for everybody,...) limit the visits your daughter has with her and remind your daughter that if she can't follow your rules and curb her behavior after seeing your mother , she won't be seeing her. Remind your mom that you do love her ,but, that does not mean you have to agree to everything she says or does. Let her know that her behavior is sending the wrong message,,.... DISRESPECT .
Let her know how your daughter acts after being with her and remind her, she wouldn't have tolerated that from you as a kid, and you're not tolerating it with your daughter. She can choose to respect that or not ,and you need to act accordingly.
Encourage Mom to get involved in a Senior Center, enjoy those activities or Red Hat Ladies, the opportunities are endless. She needs something that will make her feel important and needed, even if she just volunteers at a hospital or nursing home. She'll feel better about herself and usually people who feel good about themselves try to see the positive in everyone,..... and she'll be setting a great example for your daughter,....
Don't give up and don't give in,..... Blessings, C. S.

I'm going to say it, for your own sanity, you must develop a backbone. Her behavior and manipulations are not acceptable and you are letting her get away with it. You said it yourself that your sister was your buffer. Lay down the law and expect some brash consequences, but you must do it. If she wants to spend time with your family, she will have to accept them. Don't be surprised if a few months of not speaking occur while she sulks.