Prioritiy List

My first priority always, and especially I'd think in the case of a divorce is to ensure the health, safety, security, and physical/emotional well being of my child.

That, however, encompasses a number of different things that would need to be addressed, including but not limited to the following:

Finances - so that my child can continue to have a roof over his head, food in his belly, and clothes on his back.

Custodial issues - ensuring that my son is and feels secure in his custodial situation, whatever that would be determined to be.

Stability - making sure my son has as much stability as possible during this confusing and unstable time.

Love - making sure my son continues to feel abundantly and unconditionally loved.

After that, I'd do my best to make sure that I'm ok, that at least my basic needs are met, so that I can be a stable and loving mother able to provide for my son.

Anything and anyone else comes after those things, I'd think. My son is 5, btw.

It would be a little easier to address your specific question in a more meaningful and appropriate context if we had a little more information from you regarding your question...

My priorities? That's a tough question b/c depending on the day and what is going on, these fluctuate with respect to "order". But this is what we focus on every day and all decisions that we make involve a review of how something would impact all 5 of these.

1. Relationship with my husband (if that's not in place, the rest falls like a house of cards)
2. Children are supported, loved and "saved for"... braces, activities, college, etc.
3. Our families.... making sure that we are in regular contact with everyone, visit often enough, have them over often enough, having "tough talks" regarding finances with my in-laws so that we are not having to pay their bills or "house them" for periods of time, attending my nieces' events, etc.
4. Our investments... maxing-out retirement contributions, maintaining "emergency funds", college savings, cars paid for, house and cars maintained so that "little problems" don't become "big problems"
5. Work- without two solid incomes and the benefits it would be very difficult to maintain our other 4 priorities.

I'm not divorced, but I think any mother's priorities are pretty similar.
The health of your child (shelter, food, clothing)
The security of your child (financially providing for, child's environment, care of child)
Emotional wellbeing of child
The existence of OPEN communication with OTHER caregivers (be it and ex or daycare/teachers)
Your post is very vague....HTH.

Are you still with your husband (as man and wife) or what is going on? Your SO WHAT HAPPENED IS SOMEWHAT CONFUSING.

In marriage, your husband should come first, if he is a real man, he must understand that small children are not his competition and he needs to take part in their care and well being.

KE,

Very good advice, I would only add, don't be too proud to ask for help if you need it or help others when you can.

May God bless, keep you strong and give you peace.

Blessings.....

My priorities?

My kids are loved, healthy, fed and clothed.
I am healthy, fed and loved.
The roof over my head is in good repair and the inside is clean (not right now though - it needs a good cleaning! wanna come over and help?!)

My responsibilities are to ensure that my children know right from wrong - they know that when they "promise" something - that is their word and their bond - that they have morals and integrity.

I'd like them to have a better relationship with God - this is where I am lacking but we're getting there.

Is this what you are looking for?

Who is telling you your priorities are skewed? Your soon to be ex?

I think we need more info - what are the priorities you have now? Who says they are askew and why?

My first answer is Priority 1-50 = the children's emotional, physical, and financial well being. As a child of several divorces, I speak from experience. Children did not chose this and have no control. I'm not saying they pull the strings or should be spoiled to compensate for the situation, but many divorcing parents are so focused on their issues and turmoil that the kids get shafted in a big way and it goes on for YEARS.

Parents should do their best to be civil to each other and not use the children as tools to piss each other off or manipulate each other. Personal realtionship issues are NOT the child's fault and they should have to deal with this as little as possible.

Visitation should be what's best for the kids - ideally the parents should live within the same school district or close enough that visitations are easy for everyone and school transportation is easy for everyone. My dad had us every weekend, and he was included in all holiday celebrations. We even had a birthday party for him at my grandmoms house. If there is a family member that could be "neutral ground" for holidays, that would be nice and low pressure for everyone, especially if the divorce is reasonably civil.

If a parent is a dangerous or unsafe parent, that needs to be dealt with.

Child support is for the support of the children - food, clothing, school, etc. I think it would be nice if the parents did clothes shopping together - that way they have a realistic idea of what is needed and spent.

Neither parent should even think about dating for years. Social life, yes, but you must remember that every relationship you have is NOT just you, it's you and your kids. If your potential partner doesn't accept the fact that parenthood is the eventual destination of relationships then move along. Don't bring a potential SO to meet the kids till you're talking engagement, then take your time being engaged so you see how the SO is with the children. Children are yours FOREVER unless you screw it up big time (my mother did).

I wish you the best and hope you can work things out with your soon to be ex so that your family has some peace.

I agree with Tara H. Unfortunately, I have put my kid's needs in front of my husband for so long that we are in a really rocky place in our marriage right now and he has considered leaving. My oldest will be going to college in a couple of years, and it will only be a matter of years before the other two are gone as well. I don't want us to feel like strangers in our own house (or worse, divorced) because I haven't taken the time to feed my relationship with my husband, so I'm trying to make him much more of a priority. One thing that has helped has been to read the 5 Love Languages books. I learned what things my husband finds meaningful (which happens to be spending quality time with him). This of course would be much harder in your situation with your husband being gone. However, I think that it would be worthwhile for you to try to start doing things now to try to make him a priority (maybe a daily skype after the kids are in bed?) and this will help you prepare for when he returns and you can actually spend time together in person.

understand - I'm divorced now - my husband was deployed for 15 months when our first son was 10 months old - once my husband returned - he had no idea what it was like to manage everything - I bought a house and moved us - Men, I think, tend to be more insecure than they are either aware of, or are willing to admit - and they like to feel important - but things change after the kids show up - I prioritize this way, God, Family, Country - I'm active duty too - my faith will get me through; my family (kids and significant other) will be there after I leave the military; country - after I retire they'll find someone to replace me.
don't know if this helps, but know you're not alone, and even if you get divorced - your kids will HAVE to come first.... Good luck.

My children
My relationship
My immediate family
My religion/helping others
My job

Your top priority should be the children-establish a secure place to live, with them. Don't even think of how you're going to find the next husband. And figure out how you will effectively maintain a friendship with their father in order to run "the business" which is the children-your top priority-period. Draw up an amicable agreement of living, expenses and visitation on your own-split the assets-try not to sell your house in this market and agree to solve problems together as they arise. For instance, if you currently lease your car-decide what your ex will do for you when you have to turn it in-sounds silly doesn't it-my attorney, after being paid thousands of dollars-overlooked this-and I suddenly had five kids and no car. Did I mention that my ex let our house go into foreclosure-and the day of the foreclosure, a bank statement evidenced that he had the money to pay the total arrearage? See what happens when you involve attornys and judges-they DON'T care about you or your kids! Trust me when I say that no one wants to swoop in and take care of you and be the new daddy. Just handle this and don't screw it up-and tell your ex-to-be to be a hero and take care of his children and their mother-I would print this and hand it to him. Good luck-you're going to need it. The grass is sod and dead on the other side.

Ideally, you and your husband should be a team in putting the kids first. Him asking that question is like him just being a big kid to you. That's like you saying, I know you're in the military and away, but I'm not getting my emotional needs met! Well, of course, neither of you are -- given the situation, but you are adults. Getting all your needs met by the other, shouldn't necessarily be the expectation. Of course, one way to make it work is to carve out time just for yourselves when he's home -- as in we, the adults, put the kids first one way or another all the time, but on Friday nights, we get a babysitter and we have our time together.

Since he isn't home right now I would say your priorities sound fine. Maybe he is just missing all of you.

How much of an effort do you make to send him things, pictures and letters? It would be a nice project for the kids to color and write a little something and you can include a letter from yourself.

I think over all there is no number 1, number 2 priorities in this situation. Because breaking that down you will have to sooner or later say which of the kids will come first.
It is moment to moment bases. There are times I tell the kids not now. Mommy and Daddy are talking...you'll have to wait. Then there are times I tell my husband hold on they are fighting or they are hungry. Just like when the phone rings. You can choose not to answer and finish what your doing or you can stop everything and make a complete stranger important at that moment.

I wish you the best! Hugs.