My almost 4 year old little girl is an only child and had telling people she has sisters and brothers. She has a very good imagination and we always encourage it. She has been telling me for a couple of weeks that she has a sister named kaci. Well a couple days ago she told me she has a new sister named Stacy and a little brother because her other sister kaci died. I didn't even know she knew what that word meant aside from squashing a bug and it dying. So I told her that maybe she shouldn't talk like that. Today at daycare her teacher tells me that she told her the same story. I'm just not really sure how to approach this or If I should.
what, she shouldn't admit the reality of death into her pretend games?
i can't think of a healthier way for a small girl to begin to get a handle on a very big concept.
i'd simply tell the teacher 'no, it's a pretend game' and not make a huge deal out of it. sounds like she's doing a great job of interpreting her world through imaginative play, just the way kids should.
khairete
S.
My just-turned 4 year old tells the same story... But with different names. One time the new brother actually killed the sister. It was disturbing, but I have learned from years of being around children that this type of morbid pretend play is completely normal.
The only thing I "do" about it is to make sure she clarifies things when telling people.. I stress that if she wants to tell someone a pretend story, she has to say that it's her pretend sister.
I believe she is using her imaginations and she is utilizing the things she hears or see such as word death. I think it is part of pretend and play my 4 year old is pretending toy animal as alive and feeding food etc and one point he told that baby doll is his baby sister. I think they are imitating what they see around them
You would be surprised what little kids know about the world around us. My 4.5 year old will say things and use words that I never knew he knew! My daughter was 5.5 when I got pregnant her second little brother and when we talked about him being in my belly, she would say she knows that sometimes babies die before they are born and that would make her really sad. How did she know this happens from time to time? I would just open the dialogue and say you are sorry Kaci died and leave it at that.
Your DD does not truly understand the full concept of death. Like you mentioned, she knows if she kills a bug, it's dead, but she is not old enough and her brain is not developed enough to fully understand death. So, for her it's not that big of deal. I think you should let it go. When you told her not to talk "like that" what did "like that" mean? Don't talk about death? It's a fact of life; why can't she talk about it. It's not like she's being morbid; she's stating it matter-of-factly. I was reading a parents magazine the other day and it was saying that parents should not quash this type of pretend. Nor should they quash violent play (cops and robbers). This is kids' way of beginning to understand these things and they serve a really good purpose. Please leave her alone.
This is so normal. No reason to be anxious about it. Carry on conversations with her as if it's a story which it is. You can even say something like" that's a good story." Or "tell me more. What does she like to do." I think having conversations will help you know she knows they're stories too. And she will know you're interested and not anxious about what she talks about.
I also suggest you say such things as "I wonder if you'd like a sister?" Be open to letting her talk about her feelings. Accept them as she describes them without trying to get her to change the way she feels. When she says she'd like to have a sister respond with "that eould be fun." Share in her fantasy. Now is not the time to talk about reality. This will give you an opportunity to develop trust so that she will be ccomfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings with you.
I wouldn't get alarmed.. kids have vivid imaginations. Be open to discuss it with her and keep those lines open with her so she can come to you.
I have an only daughter, 19 yrs old and when she was in preschool there were several other moms pregnant. One afternoon the teachers congratulated me and she had told them I was expecting.. I just explained that I am not and wouldn't be. Children pick up on a lot of things and we don't give them credit. My daughter obviously overheard us talking about starting our own company when she was in first grade or so and she told everyone we were starting a company. We were planning it but not at that date... We've been LLC since 2005... maybe she knew it would happen!!
I would not make a huge deal about it.. but be open to talk about it.
It's normal, they have no real understanding that death is something to be sad about, or that it's permanent. I would make sure she knows to tell people it's her "pretend" sister, most likely if it's a daycare worker or teacher, they won't be surprised a bit by it.
