Presence or Presents at a Rich Cousin's Wedding?

I don't have any feelings towards their extravagant wedding but more so for how you're justifying not giving a gift. if you are not close why are you attending the wedding?
you have to give a gift.

You are choosing to fly to CA, and it's not just for the wedding. To penalize them because they have money..give them a card and $50.

While it seems that money is no object for this couple there must be something since they are trying to raise honeymoon money - hmmm. In NY thre are yacht/dinner cruises that will do a wedding on them and they cost about the same as a regular NY / LA area wedding - which is more than $100 per person. I have to assume it's about $125 a head these days - my niece's "NY wedding" 5 years ago was $115 per person back then. Could be thta the $50 gift you recieved was based on what this cousin thought was appropriate based on a different style of wedding? IN the NY area $50 per head is way lower than customary.

It is going to be a big expense for you to go so I can't image that you can give the expected $250 for a couple for a west coast wedding. I suggest that you give a gift instead - a gorgeous crystal bowl, a lovely mantel clock? I've been married for many many years and I still use 2 beautiful modern crystal bowls and the lovely brass mantel clock.

Have fun and good luck!

Since you are not close, your presence is not a gift. It is being inconsiderate that you don't feel you "need" to get them a present since they will get other gifts (sorry to be blunt). They are hosting you and your family for their wedding, wealthy or not. I think you should give them a card with a check for $50, or what you can afford. You don't need to do anything else but have fun on your vacation :)

You should give a gift. Give what you can afford or simply, just buy a beautiful card and write a $50 check to them.

To show up to a wedding "empty handed" is rude. You are eating their food, drinking their alcohol and participating at their venue. The gift you give them is a gesture of good will towards their union.

To say that your presence at their wedding is a gift itself is selfish on your part. Think about it: if people had done that to you during your wedding, I'm sure, you'd be miffed about it.

Do the honorable thing and give them a gift or write them a $50 check and then let it go. Then enjoy your California vacay!!! :)

The weather is beautiful here (I'm in San Diego).

Of course you get them a gift. You don't have to go to their wedding and it almost seems like you're going bc CA is a nice place to combine a vacation. That's not their fault... Very likely the cost per person of the reception is much more than $25 so you're not even covering the cost of your dinner and drinks. Not saying you have to totally cover yourselves but to not give anything isn't right. If you were really close and felt obligated to go to the wedding and traveling cross country was a huge financial burden, then maybe no gift. But you're making a vacation out of it so must have some extra cash!!

Well, people are people, no matter how rich or poor they are.
They will NOT know, the 'reasons' behind your not giving a gift.
Thus... they likely will, notice you did not give a gift... and then it will either bother them, irk them, or not, or they will take it personally. And then maybe, criticize you or tell other people of your being 'rude' etc. Or how you did not give a gift.
If they are petty minded people.

Regardless or how rich or poor a couple is, I think they expect, presents.
It is a wedding.
This is what is done.

Again, they will not know, why you are not giving a gift.
Only we know why.

If you do not give a gift, be prepared.... for backlash.

Presence over presents anytime. Especially if you have to travel a long distance to get there.
My cousin had a big affair timed during a family reunion and my father's memorial a year after he passed away. There was so much crammed in to a short amount of time.
I got my cousin and his new wife a very beautiful card and wrote him a letter about how much I'd adored him and how he deserved his beautiful new wife and happiness more than I could express.
They didn't even open any gifts until after they'd come back from their honeymoon and I got the nicest thank you card.
Not to mention a letter about how pleased he was that I caught the bouquet.
It's not that they need gifts, but you can express your sentiments and how lovely it was to be part of such a wonderful event. Take your camera. Take some candid photos and send a really good one in a frame once you get back home.
I don't think they will expect anything extravagent.
Presence and sentiments are sometimes the best, but a gift of some kind is in order. I know my cousin well and my letter to him was better than a toaster or a gift card. They got thousands of those.

Just my opinion.

Have a great time.

Regardless of the financial status (real or perceived) of the wedding couple, if you attend the wedding you must give a gift according to your means. Simple.

The sad fact is that you already said you are justifying the expense of the trip as a vacation of sorts for you and your husband, so the money associated should not be considered in lieu of a gift. If you do not want to contribute to their honeymoon registry, I would instead get or make them a gift that money cannot buy. For instance, if you have any photos of your mutual relatives (like great-grandparents) wedding, you could get an inexpensive double frame with a copy of that photo on one side and an open slot for their own wedding picture. I got a lot of meaningless knick knacks as wedding gifts. Are you crafty at all? Do you have anything that your area is known for that you can get an inexpensive, consumable gift? Truth be told, once you get to CA, there are a lot of inexpensive, but decent wines available. You could give that as a gift.

Do something thoughtful, but not expensive. Then it truly is the thought that counts.

I really don't think there is a minimum on a wedding gift. My girlfriend just got married and I spend $43 on their wedding gift. It was several different things from her registry, so I chose three or four of the smaller things she wanted that no one else got her (things for the kitchen- spatulas, flour sifter, mixers, etc).
What I am saying is that you could even spend less than the $50 and actually get them what they want.
If they are getting gifts for their honeymoon, see how much a little photo album/ bottle of champagne is. Cute little things are cheap and thoughtful, and they will like it!

I gift is a gift. You "should" give a gift at a wedding! Always.
It doesn't matter the financial situation of the newlyweds--they deserve a gift, whether or NOT you attend the wedding.
Give what you can afford and I think I would give at LEAST $50 for a cousin's wedding.
Enjoy your trip!

I think you should give a gift. If you aren't comfortable with the honeymoon website then do something you want to do. You can always do cash or a gift card to someplace like Bed, Bath,and Beyond or Target..people always need things there, especially when preparing for a wedding and honeymoon. I understand what you're saying about all the travel expenses, etc., but you did choose to go and you're making a vacation out it too and you're going to party on a yacht for at least one night..I'd give them at least $50. Money may not be an object to them (or maybe they're just wicked budgeters), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get them at least a small gift.

Personally, I have found that you can buy GORGEOUS wedding photo albums at a decent price and photos (of any kind) are priceless. That's what I would do. At the same time, if you didn't get them anything not so sure they would know if they have alot of wedding guests. When I got married, I didn't go thru all my presents and put a check mark beside who bought me something and circle who didn't. I just sent out thank-you cards to who did. They might not notice hehe.. I understand where you are coming from-money is tight for alot of us. but still I would probably do something small so you have a clear conscience. : )

If you're going across country for a wedding, you must want to attend! That's great. But for a present, give only what you can afford.

I may be out of line (or at least not up to date) for thinking that it's a little tacky to raise funds for the honeymoon at the wedding reception. You don't have to go that route. You can give them (if you want to) a small gift card for some sort of household-goods store, and it might help them to get something they find they need after the wedding festivities and the honeymoon are over.

If it were my situation, yes, I'd give something! But "wrap" it well. A heartfelt note or letter may actually turn out to be a better gift in the long run than the fanciest thing in a box.

Enjoy! A niece of ours was married years ago in an extravagant wedding across country. We did what you're doing - decided to make it a vacation - and I still have fond memories of the whole shindig. (As far as the gift is concerned, I don't remember what we gave her and her husband, and I don't think she remembers either.)

I've never heard of $50 being a "standard wedding gift." Some people gave us more, some people gave us less, some people bought us something from our registery, some people didn't, some people came up with something completely on their own that we ended up loving.

I do believe that giving a gift of some kind is the right thing to do, but let it be what you feel comfortable doing. It can be money towrds their registry, cash or something else entirely. Just do something that tells them congratuations and wishing you all the best.

And have fun with your family!

Yes, I agree with most people here. You should give a gift. Something according to your means. It's always the thought that counts, even if it's a pair of matching coffee mugs! I wish I could come too, sounds like a blast!

ALWAYS give something/anything

My friend made an awesome home decoration. I told her if I had a wedding to go to that I would make this as a gift. It was an oval black picture frame with the initial of their last name coated in peat moss centered in the picture frame, the backing was burlap. It was absolutely beautiful & not too expensive, but best of all easy to make.

Oh & I've always heard $50 is 'standard' for one person but as a couple it's $100......the $50 is suppose to somewhat cover the individual head count for dinner.

"Customary" wedding gifts really differ depending on where you live. Around here $50 - $100 is the usual. Friends of mine on the east coast-esp the NY metro, really raked it in. Customary there was $200 and up in the 90's.

I would either give them $50 and be done with it or get something personal and engraved or take pictures at their wedding and blow up a nice B&W and frame it and give it to them. You can do this at a Ritz camera the day after the wedding easily.

Who says that a wedding gift must be purchased or monetary? The BEST gift we received at our wedding was from my friend who was headed off for a convent and had no money to buy anything (and who traveled 400 miles to come to our wedding).

She made a book for us, decorated by carefully chosen magazine clippings. I'd suggest something like a book of advice for husbands and wives. You could ask your hubby to contribute some words of wisdom for hubbys and you do the wives' portion.

Perhaps you could be amateur photographers for the day and focus your efforts on capturing their guests enjoying the wedding, and then assemble the pictures into a small album and send it to them.

Be creative, be frugal, but definitely do not give nothing.

Most of the time (I think) people send gifts before the wedding and the bride and groom open them after the honeymoon. So, do you really think they would notice if their was no gift from you? I don't think so. Mabey just send a nice card. Have fun

my first husband and i showed up as invited guests to a very high end wedding and reception, it was held at an invitation only country club, long story short, the bride insulted us and we left immediately taking our very well thought out wedding gift with us, figured if we were going to be insulted, we were not going to leave the gift
K. h.

Well, I'm no Emily Post: ) but I think you have 6 months to give a gift. Maybe send a gift later when it is a bit more affordable?

You already removed your question but in reading a few of the responses I kind of get what you were asking. I have to tell you my wedding experiences with gifts/cash that we recieved. And actually, I don't view it as you give according to where you live, I think you give according to what you can afford to give. When I got married to my first husband, we lived in CA in an "affluent" area. We got cash gifts anywhere from $5 (really embarrassing for them) to $100 from a friend whom I didn't think could "afford" it. Most gifts were a $20 bill sent to us. The same thing happened with my current husband. It was really eye opening to see what people gave. I think you should give a cash amount or value depending on how well you know the couple. Just because the couple getting married is "rich" doesn't mean that you break the bank and give them an expensive gift. Ideally you give from your HEART. Good luck.

Definitely bring a gift. It's just rude not too......

If you don't want to spend $50, then make up a gift basket. Put a couple things in there for their first night as husband and wife. OR put together a supper basket. Spaghetti noodles, sauce, bottle of cheaper wine, etc. Come up with something. It's really the thought that counts and if you don't bring anything, they will most likely think of you as thoughtLESS!

We just flew east (NY) for my (favorite!) brother's wedding. The dear is going to have to wait a few months for his present (technically, according to old manners anyway, guests have up to 1 year to present the new couple with a gift).

The trip PLUS a present is/was just more than we can currently afford.

Your post looks like you are fishing for affirmation that a gift is not necessary. I haven't read all the posts but I hope no one gave it to you. You should bring a gift and no I live in the midwest and even here the proper gift per couple is $100 to $200 depending on how well you know the bride or groom.

If someone doesn't want gifts they make it known. Your cousins did not so a gift is in order.

Most people who cannot afford to travel to a wedding do not go and send a gift, not the other way around.

Give from your heart. I would go to the wedding and give a gift that has meaning for you--that your cousins will really love.

M