Preschoolers and Behavior and Diet

I think her lack of proper sleep is preventing her from being her best. Lack of proper sleep also causes carb cravings. If she wakes at night, try anything that will help her sleep. Let her sleep with you even and see if that helps her daytime behavior. No, what you describe is not "normal". A child who does not feel well physically will be very hard to discipline effectively.

You would be better off getting a good book like Love and Logic, rather than spend time and money on a gluten free diet. You sould like you are doing a good job watching her diet but are unsure about disapline.

Having one child doesn't give you the perspective you need to weed out the bad stuff and stop feeling guilty about it. You want to give her an excuse, the diet, which again, make it about you and what you are feeding her.
Stop the over analyzing and give her the boundaries she craves. Your know how routine at the daycare is good for her? You recognized that boundaries there are good for her. Now you have to do the same with her behavior at home. Just stop it. You need to stop being ambivalent about consequences. I gaurentee that the minute you are deadly serious about her behavior, most will stop. You will have a mostly happy girl again.

First put the oxygen mask on you. You are worth respect and good behavior from your child. Now make that a priority.

Ignore what you can, consequences for anything else.

The key words in your question is "giving into". That's the destroyer of effective discipline. We all have a challenge with it. So changing to a gluten-free diet isn't going to do anything. She has tantrums because she's tired or because she's not getting what she wants. Life is tough and it's not going to give her what she wants all the time, so she has to learn NOW, when the lessons aren't dangerous, that she can't.

I tell my son why too many sweets are not good - he's 6 now, but I've been telling him since he was 3-4 that we only have a little bit because too much candy or snacks make our bodies not work well. Find the fruits and veggies she likes and go with them. And think outside the box. My son LOVES frozen peas because they are crunchy and sweet. He even likes broccoli, tomatoes, and edamame. Include a veggie with lunch and dinner. One trick I do is to give the veggie FIRST when they are most hungry and let them eat THAT before giving the carb. Carbs are FINE but they must be portioned and not the primary part of the meal.

Now, you may also want to talk to her pedi about the sleep issues. Those are a KILLER. My son has a weighted blanket because he likes the pressure of squeezy hugs, being squished, etc., and it has helped him sleep through the night. It might be helpful to look into what can help her sleep.

You're going to have to put up with tantrums. Walk away, don't engage, and time out if she doesn't stop. She can't have her way just because, and giving in to them teaches her nothing about the real world. The world will not give in to tantrums and she needs to learn that ASAP.

Tantrums are normal for most kds who do not receive firm comsequences for tantrums each and every time they try one.
Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson will teach you how to nip tantums. My kids' behavior does not vary with diet. Sure they may be sugared up or starving or exhausted on birthday party days or weird circumstances-and therefore more cranky at those times, but tantrums are never allowed so they curb the meltdowns. Tantrums over food? Not allowed.
I grew up on kool-aid and cheese wiz and carby casseroles. We were not allowed to have tantrums. People cannot transform their kids behavior with diet alone. It also takes effective discipline.

Her tantrums and outbursts are typical of four year old kids who don't have consequences for improper behavior. It's highly unlikely that they have anything to do with her diet.

You say, "I fell into a poor habit of giving into Alyssa's constant desire to feed her a lot of cereal, waffles and other carbs." Mama -- you give in to her too much. Feed her healthy food, and don't offer her alternatives, and when she is hungry enough she will eat. If she tantrums, send her to her room until she stops.

When she wakes at night, what do you do? If you pamper her during those times, she will continue to wake up.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't need a gluten-free diet, just consistent discipline. And by discipline, I don't mean punishment. I mean, don't give in to her demands, send her to her room when she tantrums, and offer her healthy food, and when she won't eat it, don't let her eat until the next meal. She won't allow herself to starve.

I completely agree with Patricia and Mymission.

First, the only reason to try a Gluten-Free diet would be if she has a wheat allergy.

Second, it's important to know that her desires and her disappointments are completely age appropriate. It's completely normal for her to not want to eat fruits and veggies, especially when there are other options available that she likes better. Carbs are not bad. But too many are. And complex carbs are better - whole grain and whole wheat. We're great about bread, but I've never really liked whole wheat pasta.

My boys don't always want to eat their fruits and veggies. What I've been doing this summer (I'm home with them for the summer) is to give them some options as to which fruits or veggies they have and then giving them their "main" dish once they have taken a few bites. They don't always like it, but I try to be very matter-of-fact about it. If they start to get too upset, they can go to their room to calm down. Also, they know they won't get their peanut butter sandwich or chicken or whatever, until they eat the required amount of fruits and/or veggies.

Tantrums will occur if you let them occur. You have to deal with them pretty much in one of two ways. Either decide the circumstances are ok for you to completely ignor it. That's usually best at home or at a good friend or relative's house, but not so much in the grocery store. Or you can simply give a sever consequence if they don't calm down immediately. But if you are out in public or not in a position to ignore it and the sever consequence doesn't seem to work, you have to be prepared to just leave.

Summers can be very difficult for sleeping. My 4 year old tends to get up with the sun, especially if we forget to close the blackout shades. I've been very good about closing those lately, so he's been getting up around 7 or 7:30. The other difficulty is getting them to bed early enough. Also tough to do when the sun doesn't go down until 9:00. What I have to do is close all the shades and curtains and turn off most of the lights and just try to give the illusion that it's dark outside.

It can also be difficult to get them to bed at a reasonable hour because it's summer, the adults are having a good time and it's easy to lose track of time because the sun is still up. But bedtime can make or break the next day. If kids don't get enough sleep, the next day can be tough.

It's easy not to deal with sweets when you don't have them in the house.
Just don't buy them.
I don't even walk down the cookie/candy/chips/soda aisles in the store anymore.
We have treats every once in awhile (maybe once a month) but it's never expected or demanded.
We don't even do dessert on a regular basis.
Fruits and veggies are alright BUT what is she getting in the way of protein?
Protein helps keep you from getting hungry quickly again.
A piece of cheese, an egg (any way you want to cook it), some nuts, tuna salad, chicken salad, a peanut butter sandwich, some yogurt, etc - they are all great.
Some carbs are good but make sure they are complex carbs.
Instead of just cereal, give her steel cut oatmeal (skip the sugary flavored oatmeals) and put just a dab of honey on it for a bit of sweetness or add a few raisons or other fruit to it.
Our son eats Special K and Wheaties with just milk - I never got him into the habit of putting sugar or any sweetener on it.

It could be she still needs a nap.
Our son napped till he was 7 yrs old (only on weekends through first grade).
'Gluten free' seems to be all the rage these days but it's really a very small percentage of the population that has issues with gluten so unless she is specifically diagnosed by a doctor as having a gluten problem I would not attempt a gluten free diet.

It's possible for 4 yr olds to tantrum, but since they can communicate much better than 2 and 3 yr olds, the tantrums should few and far between and eventually stop altogether.
It could be it's a learned habit at this point (if she kicks up enough fuss she knows she'll get her way).
It's hard to break but it can be done - you just have to stop giving in - never do it - and eventually she'll learn that pitching a fit is a waste of her time and energy.
If a tantrum starts - you stop what ever you're doing (or where ever you are going) and she goes home and goes in her room till she's over it - every single time.
She'll stop when she knows what to expect (time out in her room every time) and it's not getting her what ever she wants.

Kids who have a higher-carb diet *may* be more likely to tantrum because they are not getting their blood sugar/insulin regulated with a protein companion for the carbs. I am not saying, by the way, that your daughter's tantrums are exclusively based in a protein-lack, but it can't be a helpful contribution to the problem of tantrums.

When I worked at a daycare (two different ones) the food routine seemed to be 'you get what's on your plate, eat what you like'. We did not make special "I don't like that" concessions: either you ate what came on the cart, or wow, that's up to you not to eat. Granted, your daughter's daycare may heavily rely on 'lowest common denominator' foods like dry cereal and goldfish or graham crackers, so be aware that she may be developing this sweet tooth partly at school.

At home, our way of feeding my son is pretty simple: you get what I put on your plate. I have a highly-restricted diet and honestly, some of what I like to eat, he just hates. I will often boil up four or five eggs at a time for a very friendly protein for him at dinnertime. It's my compromise between "I don't like fish" and no proteins whatsoever. But at each meal he gets some veggies, fruit and a protein on his plate, maybe a piece of whole-grain bread with butter or a small bowl of rice or pasta salad, but that portion only makes up, at most, 1/3 of what's on the plate. Because he mostly likes what I serve him (unless we are being picky that day, which I just ignore), he knows that he's welcome to have seconds on his favorites once he eats the other stuff.

A., there have been a scant few times we've had tears over food, but when they happen, he goes to his room. "Come out when you are ready to eat what's on your plate." or "This is what's for dinner." No negotiating. No apologizing. Just 'go get yourself together and come back when you are ready to eat.' I will not force him to eat, nor will I put out new foods. Sometimes, *before* I put food on the plate, I might ask him "which veggie *don't* you want on your plate?" but A. only if I've had previously-cooperative behavior that afternoon AND only if we've had ease in eating his food. We've done pretty well with this.

I wouldn't delve into Gluten-Free unless you are working with an naturopathic doctor who suggests it. If you want to do 'drastic', first go into your cupboard and put the carb snacks out of reach, away. When we eliminate the option entirely for the child, this actually helps. Or you can divvy up a couple bags of crackers into ziplocks for the next day the night before. Next, put out meals which are nutritionally balanced and then let her learn to eat them. No rewards. Any tantrums go straight to her room until she calms down. Kids like variety and dips, so you may want to consider a ploughman's plate for your picky eater:
Here's a sample:
Whole grain bread with butter
Some apple slices (1/4 of an apple, no more)
Carrot, celery sticks, red pepper strips
Small cup of peanut butter, small dollop of ranch dressing (for dips-- I find this actually keeps the meal more interesting)
Cheese slices, Hard-boiled egg (you may consider removing the yolk, some kids really don't like it)
Small portion of nuts or olives

I usually prep this while I'm making dinner for my husband and I. (I must cook my veg, Kiddo likes his raw, so it's only an extra second to cut up a few strips I don't cook). Hard-boiled eggs can be done in advance and everything else is ridiculously easy to put together. I like ploughman's plates because they are predictable for the kid and allow me flexibility. For example, instead of that piece of whole grain bread, do three small crackers with peanut butter on them as well as the fruit, veg and protein. Sometimes I'll substitute the egg with smoked salmon since Kiddo does like that. We don't do the ploughman's plate every night by any means, but when I am making something for dinner I know Kiddo won't like (too spicy, cooked veggies, etc.), this is a good way to *think* about putting food on the plate.

And if she's still waking up early and is being cranky, let her have a banana about a half-hour before bed. Not cereal or crackers, but a banana. (If she wants a nut butter with it, great.) I think, though, given your situation, that you could also empower yourself by asking the preschool teachers to keep a food-journal for all the snacks and meals at preschool that she eats for one week. Let them know that you want to know what she is actually *eating* and not just what's being served. This is to find out what she's readily eating when there are clear and consistent boundaries and limits. This will help you feel more confident putting some of those "I don't like..." veggies and fruits on her plate at home, knowing that she does, in fact, eat them at school.

And I second the suggestion of the Love and Logic books. I know many families who have successfully used their ideas/techniques for discipline and child-rearing. I will say this, too-- if tantrums are Alyssa's way of getting what she wants, because you respond to them with acquiescence, then you won't change that behavior until you change your own. I like giving a "yes and when" answer... "Oh, you may have more crackers tomorrow-- for now, you may eat what's on your plate. You've eaten all of your crackers for today." When she gets used to having limited amounts of her junk foods, things will get better. Good luck.

GF diet only helps those w celiac but pp have made good suggestions.

If you think she is tired.. you can adjust her sleep a bit over a period of time. Do a sleep journal. write down what time she goes to sleep.. and what time she wakes up. take notes on her behavior.. is she generally pleasant or geneally grumpy that day..

most 4 year olds.. and little kids in general get up at the same time every day no matter when they go to bed.. so put her to bed earlier.. see if it helps. I bet she naps at day care... does she nap o the weekend??

Peanut butter on crackers is not a bad choice.. you might want to get lower salt crackers though.. peanut butter has protein and crackers have carbs.. if you can get her to drink some milk and eat a fruit .. that is a pretty good lunch.

If you think she is eating too much junky food.. you can certainly stop buying that food at the store. when she asks for a sweet treat.. check the cabinet.. and say no we don't have any... at 4 you can totally control her diet at home.. you do the shopping.. you buy the food.. don't buy junky things and she wont be able to eat them.

Gluten free is a new trend... seems healthy.. but in fact for the very few folks that have a problem with gluten they suffer diahrrea and stomach issues from the gluten nto temper tantrums.. . she sounds like a normal 4 year old.

I would say her tantrums are based on her diet but not in the way you think. Sweets have become a battleground for the both of you. You say no, she gets mad and has a tantrum. People act the way they do because it works for them. They get what they want. Sometimes it takes a little while, like when she wears you down, but she believes if she carries on long enough, she'll win. You have to choose your battles carefully. If you know you're going to eventually give in, do it in the beginning and save both of you the drama. If you are going to say no, then stand by it and let her tantrum as long as it takes her to realize when mommy says "no", it means no.

When my kids were little, weekends were dessert nights. The weeknights were fruit or yogurt. I would make popsicles out of juice or yogurt for weeknights too.

I was an incredibly picky eater as a child and swore my kids wouldn't be that way so we had a "3 bite rule" in our house. Anything that was served they had to try at least 3 bites of. Sometimes it was only 3 peas but eventually they learned to like (tolerate?) peas. I always made sure to serve plenty of things they did like so they didn't starve.

First, all 3 of my kids were the same way at 4-1/2 (my youngest is 4-1/2 and the most difficult of the 3). Luckily I found books that backed them up as normal behavior saying this age is worse than terrible 2s (they're so much smarter at 4) so I've just tried to be consistent with discipline and rules.
Second, last year when my middle kid was 5 he had a lot if stomach aches, and had intense mood swings. The allergy tests were negative, but I wondered if there was a food intolerance so each week for a month I removed something from his diet and kept a diary: eggs, dairy, gluton. Removing gluten really helped, but not entirely. Finally I found the book "little sugar addicts" that starts by just getting enough protein and later eliminating refined white carbs. It changed our whole household and has helped my entire family if 5. I don't think any of us are "addicted" to sugar & we never really ate many sweets (we're all pretty slim), but eating this way has realty helped the kids with their behavior and given me more patience.
So, if you find that it's not normal 4- year old behavior, you may want to look into her diet.